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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Thursday, October 14, 2004

bad thoughts

Do you ever wonder if in some twisted way you make some of the bad things happen? If at that moment when your friend is talking about her hopes for her baby and you think to yourself 'i hope the baby's okay' or your friend is wondering why his wife isn't home yet and you give him a plausible reason while flashing to a 1000 horror stories. that little frisson of fear that you feel just for a second when all the bad things that can happen in the world pop into your head at the same time. just for a second.

it can't hurt.

i mean it was just a second of my brain's random detritus and yet what if. do you bring on the bad things by wondering if they will happen? Is that how it happens? If you just think pure thoughts and smile at the world and trust in the Universe and know it's all going to be okay? What if this is it. The bad things happen because you wonder one too many times IF the bad thing *could* happen or *might* happen. What if when you pray that the little tiny second of idle brain chatter that you just had doesn't happen you're making it worse? Reinforcing it somehow?

don't get me wrong, i've thought that iota of nastiness lots of times and not had anything happen. but then my friend said to me one day 'don't you be working your voodoo' because i asked his just recently moved in long distance girlfriend a question that I thought was screamingly obvious to me and everyone else. that same question she later thanked me for asking as she headed to the airport.

my voodoo.

yeah cause that has to make you feel good about yourself. i always thought i was just asking the hard questions, the ones no one else was asking. why do they ask me for my fucking advice if they don't want me to get them thinking? thinking [i hesitate to say] outside the box. just because i ASK you if you're considering divorce doesn't mean i'm ADVOCATING it. it means i'm asking. i'm just as happy if you say 'no fucking way man.'

voo doo

say it with me now


hrm hope i haven't offended anyone with that fun with pronunciation moment of keystroking.

how do you react when someone tells you not to work your voodoo? especially when sometimes there's a kernel of truth in the kernel of a germ of a reach for a thought? sometimes the nasty thing that pops into your head is JUST what happens. just because you're right doesn't mean that you WANT to be right. It just means you have the misfortune to be right.

just that once. or maybe twice...

sometimes maybe just that once too often.


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