bittersweet

[Sorry about the intermittent posting the last few days, I've been catching up on a pile of shit that happened because of my broken graphical user interface and had some out of town visiting and a date]
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I find it interesting that there's a flip side to bliss and or happiness. Sometimes you have such a good time that you end up depressed for a few days or weeks afterwards. And it's not because whatever is happening in the days after the blissful thing is bad. It's simply that nothing can measure up to such goodness. This has happened to me a few times this summer in varying degrees of crashness.

Sometimes bliss doesn't really lead to a crash. Take the hillside festival, that sort of bliss leaves you even happier than usual for weeks. It has a sort of lasting happiness that affects everything that you do for weeks on either side of it. Also I'm used to it as it's an annual event. More than that it somehow makes you a better person for a while.

I was totally excited before hillside for quite some time and after hillside for at least a week. But there were other weekends that had some funny post weekend mental crap.

Like the red death campy weekend. That was an awesome weekend. But afterward several of us had a little emotional crash. It's like so much awesome relaxing goodness in some way stresses you out. Like you can't handle your life when you get back to it.



Like somehow all of that happiness was stolen from your regular life and you have to have a crash to make up for it. Like you only get so much happiness in a life period and you have to take it away from your regular life to make your vacation or away time that much better.

It doesn't always happen. I mean hillside didn't leave me crashed at all. That said, I've been there for years and i'm used to the effect and it's actually something that feeds me.

I guess that's the question. Why is it that some bliss feeds you and some bliss leaves you crashed? Why can I go to a festival and come back charged and energetically horny for more festival and more music and yet i go camping with wonderful friends and I have a post camping crash?

At first I thought that it had to do with the build up because I was excited about camping for weeks. But that can't be it because I get excited about Hillside the day it ends and I'm excited every day of the year until the next hillside [yes, i'm excited right now] and then it's better than I expect and I come home charged. So it can't be that.

Well it can, because Hillside is annual and there's no real sign that camping is going to be an annual event (and such things often don't work when you try to repeat them anyway... imitation is fine but repetition is impossible... hillside is never the same twice but it's always wonderful) and perhaps that's it.

It it were going to be an annual event then I would probably not have crashed afterwards. I would simply have said to myself 'self, it's okay, you can do it again next year. There will be more wonderful camping and bouldering and bliss with your friends. Just get excited for next year.'

just cause it's me in one of my happiest places:


I've tried to throw the same party twice before and I am here to tell you that it does NOT work... so sometimes you crash after a time like that.

Right now I have to crash in a literal sense. I haven't had enough sleep in WEEKS [so little in fact that the random tangents my brain takes when I'm tired are actually offending at least one of my friends] and I now have to be awake in under 7 hours...

Eep.