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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Sunday, October 30, 2005


so now that i've thoroughly enjoyed all of the external validation i received for my hallowe'en costume I have a small rant to get off my chest.

Hallowe'en, if I recall correctly, is about dressing as something you're not for a day or an evening. Or maybe it's about dressing up as something you wish you were. Or it's about fantasy you.


So why is it that when I dress as barbarella who, although fully into sex, was a heroine and a bit of a badass that I get treated like a whore? First of all they get the guy dressed like a pimp to pose with me. But not because it's amusing that he's 5'2 and I'm 6'4 ... no because then he can pretend he's bugging me for his take.

Um what?

I'm not a whore I'm fucking barbarella. You know, Jane Fonda? The 60s? Hellooooo??

So I pointed my gun at him and looked impatient in the pic... *shrug* what else to do?

That wasn't even the most annoying part... because yeah, I've had a pvc collection for a while and I'm aware of the response that that clothing gets. What shocks me is that some of the people in this group have known me for something like two years and in that time they have *only* ever seen me in baggy jeans and tight t-shirts.

There has never been pleather or pvc.
There has definetely not been any drunken fucking or even drunken hitting on folks.
There has been no dating of anyone in this group.

Well okay I was interested in a few of them over the years.

I have done nothing for two years but be respectable, show up at drum circles, play my drum and dance. I stopped dancing because some lady's husband looked at me in a way that made me feel dirty but I kept going and being polite. You know ladylike... cause yeah, I'm a lady whether I like it or not.

And then friday night one of the few coupled up men in the group who has always been kind and respectful just pissed me off like I can't even put into words. He showed up dressed as a woman (in pants which was sorta neat) and of course got a lot of attention. And since I was barbarella I got a lot of attention and so there were a LOT of pics of the two of us taken.

And he never once failed to grope me.

Not once.

Rubbed my hip suggestively. Copped a furtive feel of my butt. Leered at me. Pulled me against him hard 'for the picture' etc etc etc. And nothing would stop this guy. I tried putting people between us. I tried having my bony elbows in the way. I tried everything I could short of 'stop fucking touching me you fucking octopus' and he never got the hint.

Other men at the party? Liked my costume. Clearly enjoyed looking at it. Made jokes about my height and still treated me with respect. But that select few really spoiled my night for me.

It's hallowe'en. Be something you aren't. It doesn't give people license to grope you and treat you like a slut. It gives them license to be something they aren't in their dress... but not to change their whole manner.

*shaking head*

I just don't know you guys, I feel great that most people loved my outfit but that guy and a couple of others made me feel a little soiled. And I don't know how to respond to that OR how to handle it inside myself.

I do know that I'm mother fucking pissed off though. And that I'm done with that group.


Blogger castufari said...

You should have taken your 1'2" advantage and kicked his ass into next week. Some people will never EVER get it. Never.

10/30/2005 10:40:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

cast: two different folks.

mr joking about me being a hoor was 5.2
mr i can't keep my hands to myself was about 6'1

and yeah... it's fucking ridiculous

10/30/2005 10:50:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

I would have smacked the fuck out of him anyway. You know, "just because". What an asshat.

10/30/2005 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dude it's hard to know what to do when someone is acting what you consider fully out of their character...

makes it extra strange. and last time i told someone off for that kind of shit they denied it and acted like it was all in my head.

(same group... aren't you shocked?)

10/30/2005 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

Was the guy drinking? Maybe he's one of those folks who is totally different once he gets a drink in him. It's not too uncommon.

I'm not shocked by too much now. :\

10/30/2005 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

no he wasn't drinking and i've seen him both drunk and stoned and until i showed up in pvc he was always really nice.

but it's easy to be nice when you don't think a woman is hot... or something.

yeah cast neither am i... wish i was :)

10/30/2005 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

What I learned from last night's party is that when you are dressed as a character, no matter what the character, you will be treated as that character.

I wore a low cut dress and was groped all night by people who would never think of touching me any other time. Including the host who did it in front of his wife and my husband. Didn't go over well with either, to say the least.

Unfortunately, whether we like it or not, we have to put up with that crap while in character.

10/30/2005 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

Sass, on behalf of men who love sex AND respect, I am truly sorry. You are sickened because yet another man has dissapointed your expectations of friendship. This honestly makes me embarrassed to have extroverted genitalia. Also glad that I get to be one of the few who haven't breached this trust. I'm not saying I am higher up than these people, I just don't understand how people can ignore blatent signs & communication because their dick is shouting that loudly. Feel better friend, they will be worm food like everyone else before too long.

10/30/2005 01:21:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jenn: but why?

it's not like we've turned into other people or something... we're still ourselves after all. and so are they

it's like saying that if i wear sexy clothes i'm asking to be harassed and molested... whyfor is that true?

hedonist: that's exactly what i'm talking about... i've known these men for years and suddenly i'm a tart and they're roman.

it's fucking rude and weird... not to mention disappointing.

10/30/2005 01:25:00 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

I don't know why people think they have a license to touch you when you are dressed like this. It's not right but yet it always seems to happen.

I'm just glad that you are so tall and able to defend yourself from these creeps!

10/30/2005 04:15:00 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

that (those) fucker(s)!! after all these years, people don't get what we wear isn't who we are? especially on halloween?

I think you should have said, in a VERY loud voice: "Quit fucking touching me, you fucking octopus!"

Nothing brings people in line like shame and public humiliation. If he tried to make some excuse about it being halloween and your costume being sexy, it would have rung hollow with most there, if they saw that you were pissed off and upset.

Sorry that this guy and a couple others put a damper on your halloween fun; you deserved to have a blast.


10/30/2005 06:30:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jenn: you're totally right and i'm just old enough now that i know it's wrong. why does dressing sexy imply sleazy?

dzer: thanks dude, you and hubris keep me believing that nice men do exist even when i get slapped in the face repeatedly with how many of them suck.

you're right i should have said something... but i hate causing a ruckus and that behavious counts on that response.


10/30/2005 07:27:00 PM  
Blogger sugarpunk said...

not to be a downer or anything.. but u said something that made sense...
"i hate causing a ruckus..."
that is the reason they did what they did and got away with it...
if i was this upset ... i would simply call them both (since they seem to be in a circle of friends) and tell them the way they behaved was totally inappropriate and you are too much of a lady to call them out in public... even tho thier behavior was NOT of any concern to either one... but today when all is clear and over.. YOU expect an apology and that it will never happen in your presence again... PERIOD...

you are a good person sass... take up for you cuz no one else is .. or give me or dz the number ... we will call them for you...

so HUGS to you in multiples!

10/30/2005 09:32:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

sugarpunk: you're right absolutely and if i thought that that group of people was worth hanging about with ever again i would say something.

if i see the man i know well again i will definetely call him out but i'm tired of getting the deer in the headlights look and the denials.

sometimes it' just easier to leave even if it is the wrong thing to do.

i no longer have the number of the man i thought i knew and the other i met once or twice and don't expect to see again.

thanks for the backup... mostly it pointed out to me that i need to raise up my defenses a little...

i should say something... but i won't

10/30/2005 11:53:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Sass- Sugarpunk has a point, but then so does everyone else here.

What an ass, dude I'd speak to somebody about it. IF not crass than atleast mention you thought it was out of colour, in bad taste even.

I know you said you wouldn't say something, but...

I think Halloween is what it is. And though your costumes are for fun, some pig-headed shallow stupid mother-fuckers gotta ruin it for everyone.

Im sorry for that to happen, big fucking mental and emotional bummer. Just shrug and sleep it off hun, tomorrows another day and you have now witnessed the dark side of the group... now you have knowledge for next time... if there is one.

luvums and *big hugs*

10/31/2005 12:08:00 AM  
Blogger sugarpunk said...

ok and now to make u laff...

the title of this post...
*my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps..u got US spinning... *

ok that is 2 of u today that brought out this song.. and i dont even really like it.. its jsut catchy!

10/31/2005 12:15:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

bubbles: sugarpunk has a total point. for sure and a lot. however; i've been uncomfortable in that group before, so perhaps they are just a more touchy feely crowd than i should hang out in.

funny thing is that i got my nipple pinched by the most beautiful man ever [standing in the middle of the street mind you] and all i did was blush and be delighted. intent counts for a lot.

punk: that is funny. i don't even know the tune and i think i'm singing it now.

10/31/2005 01:12:00 AM  
Blogger whitesgem said...

You look feally nice in your pvc! Im sorry about the jerk(s) that put a damper on your evening, but now you know what they are all about.
Being creeps.
I dont blame you for leaving the group. I would do the same thing.
You look GREAT in your pic! :-)

10/31/2005 06:38:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

Ask them this: how many hookers do you see wearing PVC? None? I thought so. Now f'ing SOD OFF.

10/31/2005 08:19:00 AM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

nipple pinching + beautiful man = phone number.

10/31/2005 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

I'm sorry that happened to you. As Barbarella you should have blasted them into outer space.It's a time when being seen as an evil woman would have worked in your favour. I don't know what to tell you about the anger part. I'd say tell them off, that will help but part of it is being angry with yourself too right? Angry that you did something to make them think it was ok to treat you badly. It's not your fault. People can be scum. You have every right to go out dressed however and not be judged or groped.

It's always sad when people take advantage of a situation because they feel nothing will happen to them for it. That's why I tend to be loud at parties. It cuts down on the groping because they're worried you'll yell at them, or announce to everyone what just happened. I'm just like that tho, I'll get called whatever by whoever but I'll let them know what I think too. Guys generally tell me I'm scary or evil anyways, yet I'm such a nice person.

10/31/2005 11:21:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

gem: thanks for the compliment. i thought it was a great outfit myself! As for that group... yeah it's not the first time i've been uncomfortable but it's definetely going to be the last!

castu: hee! ^5

bubbles: gay gay gay gay gay *sob*

amber: you're absolutely right, part of it is that i am angry with myself for not saying something and for letting him continue to touch me without hauling off and hitting him. It's so strange with people you've known for years though... i always wonder how i missed the signs...

i'm not really feeling like i did something though... i've worn outfits like that to work on hallowe'en and gotten nothing but delight from my coworkers... so this guy is an ass even though he wasn't (i thought) for like two years.

funny thing is that i'm pretty loud at parties and yet... not about that.

[i get told i'm the devil... it may explain my lack of dates]

10/31/2005 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger midwest_hick said...

I guess I wouldn't have caused a scene....but they would have been aware of how unhappy I was.....just saying.

10/31/2005 12:30:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

yeah i did start to avoid him. step back when pictures were asked for and just generally stop talking to the guy.

I hugged him hello but i didn't hug him goodbye... you know that sort of stuff.

i should have done more i think

10/31/2005 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

You showed class, which is a hell of a lot more then they showed. :)

10/31/2005 02:31:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

having class is nice and all but why am i still thinking about this three days later when you know damm well he isn't?

i like being a lady but still...

10/31/2005 02:45:00 PM  
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