bleh

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[if you don't want to read my shitty mood scroll to the end of the post for an announcement]
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seriously bleh.

if i were jewish i would say meh. and i would say it with that particular inflection that the old jewish ladies get when they're particularly disgusted or fed up and yet are so far past caring at this point that it's not even really relevant anymore.

Mmehh. I can't type it of course... and i'm sure buttah and anyone she knows who hangs out on J-date knows EXACTLY the noise that I mean.

Okay damn was that as bigoted as I think it was? I've decided to leave it in case it was and y'all have opinions for me about how not to talk like a bigot or a racist and still make cultural references.

so, that's how i feel about my life today.

just when i was starting to believe that i was getting ahead in the world enough that i could do things like get a new windshield for my car that desperately needs one i got another little financial kick. On my way to teach I found my car making funny noises and definetely driving funny and immediately i pulled over to discover that YES i did in fact have a flat tire.

*sigh*

so i call 411 to get the number for where i'm teaching and beg off because even with a cab i can no longer get there in time and hobble my car to crappy tire a couple of blocks away. no, i didn't change to the doughnut. yes i did drive on the rim. yes i was aware of what that would do to said flat tire. i was also aware of how old my tires were and immediately made the decision to replace a couple of them.

so i got a couple of new tires to stick on the front of my car and moved the two least fucked tires to the back of my car and 171 dollars later off i went with a car that no longer makes squealing noises around corners, feels much more stable, and CLEARLY needs two more tires.

so 221 dollars gone. cause yeah i also don't get paid for the class i didn't teach and then i get freaking fired from the place. which was, i admit, coming anyway. I could sense it in the response of the members and in the dwindling participation but i couldnt' seem to figure out what would fix it. well i did but it's too late, they've already decided i suck and must be gone.

funny thing is that my boss likes me okay but the members hate me. so yeah. she's impressed cause i referred her to a friend of mine as a replacement. i mean if i can't have the money RL may as well right?

[i wonder if my use or non-use of capital letters has anything to do with my mood...]

so... onward, manage to cheer up a little except it's a lie. I'm NOT cheerful. I'm down and blue and maudlin and unfuckinghappy. but nonetheless onward. i manage to teach, i manage to go to band practise, i manage to pretend i know how to play my drum and i manage to accept another date with climber guy.

and then i realised. i'm totally exhausted, maudlin and miserable. do i really want to go on a date in this state? especially a climbing date when i can hardly feel my hands? no, i do not. so i cancelled and headed off to my noon class today.

and yeah we have to 'revisit the schedule' for the winter session because the class is undersubscribed and they can't keep running it with only three or four people in it.

be careful what you wish for boys and girls. I was thinking how shitty it was to have a monday evening at 7:30 class and I lost it AND my wednesday morning! I was thinking I wished to have weekends off and I'm liable to lose friday AND sunday lunch. I better be careful what i think or something for the next while.

It's like all those old jokes about the wishes people make when they find a genie in a bottle and how the wish always bites them in the ass. I feel like my random thoughts are somehow causing ass biting and that seems unfair. Not to mention that whenever I try to be considerate of people or whatever it also seems to be biting my ass.

Maybe I'm just sad because okcupid guy and I have decided that we don't spark off each other and yet I think he's freaking fantastic. All of the things a girl could want in a guy and yet somehow he and i are just not on with each other. I'm pretty sure I made a life friend though so it's hard to be upset. Except I am sort of. Which is funny because neither of us is like emotionally traumatised by this and both of us agree that it's the right thing. So why sadness?


Ahhh I'm silly :)

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*clears throat*
*taps mike*
"Is this thing on?"

I have noticed over the years that i am the agony aunt for everyone i know. So I've decided to steal a page from Everything Nice's book and offer that service here. However, if it's sexual PLEASE take it to her because really dudes she's way better at that kind of thing than I am. If however you find yourself needing a sounding board with a level head then feel free to email me questions and state their anonymity level and I'll pass on my thoughts...

so my email is sassinakk@gmail.com which will soon be linked from the sidebar as well.