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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

itchy fingers

.

I want to blog today. I feel this itch in my fingers that tells me I have something to say but I just don't know what it is.

It's been a very strange week:
I've been on several dates with a couple of people.
I've started working with the doctor's clients.
I've realised that I'm fully broke until November and pretty broke until December.
I spent most of yesterday lying on my couch with an upset tummy and okcupid guy [who (SO WEIRD) I keep thinking I should introduce to my sister].
I've been recovering from some mental stuff... which is sort of hit and miss.
I feel sorta crappy and pmsy.
I've eaten too many big and heavy meals (and a lot of meat)
I ran out of pot.
I got to see my sister for a bit and it was just enough to make me want more.
My sister and I played the game of life today (fun!).
I stage one cleaned my apartment.
I've seen a lot of my family.
I helped a friend move.
I've been short and cranky with my friends.
I'm exhausted.
I climbed a little or a lot.
I feel like I'm *this* close to snapping someone's head off.
I can't bear to set my alarm for tomorrow morning...

basically I feel discombobulated.

Also I think I'm doing too much and that I really need to start designating a hang out with sassinak at home day once a week or ten days or so or I think I'm going to lose it. I think maybe that when I cancelled my cable I took something away from myself that I needed more than I realised.

I took away my reason to lay around on my couch and be a human vegetable. Blogging is great but is somehow more tiring and interactive. At first I thought that it would replace television and while it mostly has there is a certain something that just isn't there.

I would read but I'm so tired I can't even imagine focusing on a page. A stanza of 'the art of war' is about all I can handle and that's even too much for me right now.

My sister today asked me how I felt about doing yoga because she thinks that I'm all wound up. And I am. It's just that I can't afford yoga or pilates classes that someone else teaches or really fucking anything until sometime in November... and I don't mean the first of the month either. Hell I might have to stop going out for the rest of the month to make it through.

Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly willing to do that but it sucks. I like having a life and it's especially difficult to keep going to work when you're this tired and this broke and you don't see a penny for ages.

I've decided to give up the one class I took for saturdays because I think I need the day off more than I need the cash. Apparently a lady I know has a list of instructors that would love such a class so I'm going to hand it off. Hope the nice man who offered me the job won't be upset about it but I don't care. He KNEW it was my day off and he low balled the price so he can have a baby instructor and I can have my sleeping in.

This could bite me in the ass but I want saturdays more than I want that little bit of cash. Dear universe this doesn't mean I want the rest of the work to stop coming. Got it? Also I warned my Sunday morning at 8:30 boss that I was slowly looking to swap out of that because the time was killing me. Her I like so I told her I would give her a couple of months notice before I left and also told her that if she had another slot I would love it.

But see she didn't offer me shit pay to work on my day off and I like working there whereas saturday morning space sucks. The 'studio' space is part of the cardio floor and I can't hear anyone breathe and I'm practically shouting and they just want fitness pilates and that isn't what i teach.

Wow, resentful much?

Damm dudes I'm fucking cranky. I'm so cranky I went to McDonald's for lunch for the COMFORT FOOD!

Eep, clearly I need some sleep.

18 Comments:

Blogger DZER said...

I love a woman who not only uses "discombobulated" in her writing, but uses it correctly.

And I'll trade my week thus far for yours.

Hope you got the sleep you needed ... I'm sure I won't.

Happy Tuesday!

10/11/2005 05:50:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

why aren't you sleeping dzer?

i got some yesterday but then tonight is my really bad night for sleeping and i'm teaching 6 hours tomorrow!

eep :)

why is your week so bad or strange?

10/11/2005 08:57:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

sass: I just don't get as much sleep as I'd like.

and flip through my last couple of posts ... water in the house ... having to clean it all up ... bleah

sunday was grand ... but it's been downhill since then

10/11/2005 09:00:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

and I loved the little mini poem on the end ... "eep I need sleep" ...

not many on Guam eep though ... the closest thing to it culturally is "aik" ... shortened "ai ki diablo" ... hard to explain ... I should try to audio blog it sometime LOL

10/11/2005 09:01:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

oh yeah i forgot about your flood... i did make what may have been a useful suggestion for getting your carpets cleaned though :)

sunday sounded awesome... and yeah, who ever gets enough sleep?

eep! It's such a fun thing to say though it's even more fun to type

off to work!

10/11/2005 09:05:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

thank god I have tile floors and not carpet ... I've been in places with super-soaked carpets ... not a nice smell!

and on Friday I think I'm gonna go out for a super-fancy dinner and just blow like $50 on a sumptuous meal.

10/11/2005 09:10:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

that is one of my absolute favourite ways to spend 50 bucks... throw it at a waiter in exchange for a foodgasm :)

i even like doing it alone with a book !

you're right, tile is better than carpet. i have hardwood which is better than both!

10/11/2005 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

termites here prevent most use of wood in homes, not to mention the 200-mph typhoons that pass over now and then.

there are some great Guam hardwoods that are amazing and termite resistant ... but most of those trees are protected now because they're scarce ... but I've seen old homes with ifit flooring and it's amazing.

and after the foodgasm experience ... I'm gonna go sing karaoke for a few hours!

10/11/2005 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

fair enough... your softer woods would probably just splinter and become weapons of mass destruction or something.

termites... mmmm yummy

you like to sing karaoke... okay i'll try not to hold it against you.

10/11/2005 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

would it help if I crooned some Englebert Humperdink atcha? ;)

10/11/2005 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dude
that would be so far past uncalled for it would almost venture into intolerable cruelty!

10/11/2005 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger stoned.nerd said...

i was about to add that 'discombobulated' is a fucking big word...

Wordddd. *am impressed too* Heh. And you do 'Art of war' for leisure reading? Gosh, we did it for a coursework...

Shit can only get smellier, just like life can only get better!

10/11/2005 03:16:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hey nerd :)

i love words... my mother taught english, my father spoke latin BEFORE english (and thus considers ubiquitous an easier word than everywhere) and my sister got a masters in creative writing. so i come by the vocabulary honestly.

also, never fear, I ALSO read science fiction and fantasy for leisure reading :) i'm enjoying art of war because i am reading it very slowly and taking it in a little at a time.

mmm nice line... shit really does get smellier!

10/11/2005 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger Mingyiu Gyatso said...

Hey, kiddo. Noticed I removed your link by mistake from my web-blab-spot. You're back.

You -- and many others -- can do something I cannot. That is, you can write about anything. My muse has to plop something wet and sticky on my head before I can put it down on BlabSpot. The fact that you can just write, you know, and let it all hang out there, is cool. I will never be comfortable with that. And what Emma does with the histoires érotiques. That takes much more nerve than I'll ever have.

As for cable: when we bought our house in PA, we purposely did not get cable. We get 2 stations via my rabbit ears. We are missing nothing. Except maybe Jon Stewart, The Sopranos, Monday Night Football... Oh, well.

We get home, we cook together, we eat together, we talk, we read (suggestions: Time Traveler's Wife; The Kite Runner; Zen Mind, Beginners Mind; unabridged Stranger in a Strange Land).

Keep on writing. I'll keep on visiting. A la prochaine.

10/11/2005 04:36:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

Hey ming welcome back, where have you been lately anyway?

I think for me it's because i spent years upon years chatting etc on the internet before i ever had a blog. So I'm very comfortable in this medium and I kind of talk to my blog the way I talk to a close friend. That said, I read your posts (particularly the buzzard and shrub ones) and I think they're excellent and witty and I'm envious that you can write that way. Now bubbles, she's in a class of her own that one is.

i still have cable for a bit and i tape about 6 shows a week which is about 4 hours a week. Since i'm about three weeks behind it tells you how much i pay attention. (daily show and sopranos are available on dvd dude) I just took away something with that I didn't realise. There really are times when I'm too tired for books.

I read both versions of stranger and most of heinlein in my teens, it colours my attitudes to this day. Currently i'm part way through 'the art of war', 'the riddlemaster of hed', 'the anatomy of hatha yoga', and 'essential exercises of the childbearing year' yeah... even the riddlemaster, while fiction, is a tough read. Maybe I need a candy book!

I've heard great stuff about the time travelers wife, what makes you like it so?

bonne journee!

10/11/2005 04:44:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

all of those things you do with your wife sound great WITH someone and are hella boring alone.

10/11/2005 04:46:00 PM  
Blogger Mingyiu Gyatso said...

Time Traveler's Wife is part SciFi, part Chick Lit, part Mystery. Written in such a way as to bounce you back and forth in time without ever losing where you are. I found it un-put-downable.

As to where I've been... the missus and I took a vacation up near the Finger Lakes in NY (Ithaca, Corning, Watkins Glen) to clebrate our 3rd anniversary. Ate too much, drank too much, sat too long in the hot tub -- and had one hell of a great time.

10/11/2005 05:42:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

that sounds awesome... may i suggest jasper fforde 'the eyre affair' and all such following novels as well? VERY funny!

nice, that sounds like a great trip, i'm very glad for y'all!

10/11/2005 07:26:00 PM  

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