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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Monday, June 05, 2006

old habits...

holy holy.

i have a new body.

no i'm serious. i just threw it enthusiastically into a pool of the best teachers ever and came out someone new. i've learned a million and one new things and at least three quarters of them are beyond words.

i don't move the same way as i did on friday morning.

and? !!!

my teacher and i got a lovely compliment. kathy corey (who is an excellent teacher and i must take more classes with her) and i got to talking and i asked her about a client who had no pelvic floor after childbirth (i have several) and not much sex drive (more than one) and what she would do about it.

so she told me and then [we were at the friday night cocktail party] suggested i find her over the weekend and she would take me through it. so i did.

oh my word. stomach massage. an exercise i never once got the point of. it made no sense to me whatsoever. why? who cared? so she taught me two reps. and one leaning on a table thingy where i did maybe three reps for prep. (trust me i remember it well also)

TWO reps.

and i was covered in sweat and high for twenty minutes.

twenty minutes you guys! can you imagine? i admit those two reps took a minute, but not many. and damm did i feel some new spots.


anyway kathy goes 'beautiful' or 'very nice' a couple of times (with her hands on my body) and i go 'yeah, i'm blessed in my teacher' and she goes 'you are!' ... so i'll have to tell rr that one.

i took mat classes with alan herdman, elizabeth larkam and kathy corey and workshops with alan and marie jose blom lawrence.

i wished i could have taken workshops and classes with them all but i need anatomy and deep theory before i need more moves. i don't even know the whole repertoire yet [in other words not capable of doing some of it still], but i do like learning new ways to play in my body.

my hips feel like someone elses hips and have a decidedly more balanced sway, my ribcage and breath are functioning differently and it feels like more deeply and i think i'm closer to the plumb alignment then i was. and good god my feet. what they learned about themselves!

it's funny, some of it went into my body even though i don't remember it and other bits are lodged in my brain... the rest is in my notes. which i'm going to read. (now or never)

yeah so i didn't touch my notes. i read 'digital fortress' by dan brown instead. it's okay, no da vinci or robert langdon and a little less mayhem. i liked it better than da vinci code and about equally with angels and demons. that said? the guy is a hack.

i woke up today and i was so tired. my brain is staring at things and having trouble speaking. it certainly wasn't a good day for a job interview so it's good that i didn't have one. what i did have was a meeting with some people who don't pay their teachers although they do have a very fair split with them.

if you're good and your classes are full you can make a killing doing this. if you aren't? not so much. the thing is it sounds like a lot of work. she's busy telling me that they'll do all the marketing for me and that they'll work around my schedule and the more i thought about it the less i wanted to do it.

it's not in my end of town and the studio is in a basement without windows. they have a lovely floor but it doesn't have much feng shui so to speak and it's quite chill. i don't know i just didn't feel like it was my place to be. which is strange right because i really liked the people.

it's also possible that i'm so tired from the weekend that nothing is going to get my attention today so i'm not making any rash decisions. there was one funny aftereffect that i really was not expecting though. i couldn't teach today. well not couldn't exactly, i mean i did fully teach after all, it's just that i was discombobulated and disorganized.

which is fair, i talked to a fellow teacher and she said that she didn't know how i did it and that after ONE day she was finished. i was too, it's just that i was still hungry. hungry the way you are when you're at the best buffet in the world. you've eaten your fill but you have to go back just one more time... for just that one more little tidbit of wonderfulness.

and that's really what the weekend was like. the buffet was filled with so many wonderful dishes and tastes and flavours and even though i ate everything i could i failed to even sample at least half of what was on the table.

there were legendary teachers and teachers who will soon be legends and somehow i didn't even hear a word from half of them (okay other than hello when we were introduced) and still i'm overstuffed with wonderful information.

really the major tragedy of my life right now is that i have to get up at seven am tomorrow and my insomnia has kicked in again hard core. i'm tossing and i'm turning and i think it's the fucking drugs for the uti but i might be making that up.

in fact i can't swear that i haven't been having trouble sleeping since before then but it's hard to tell because things keep waking me up. i guess it's a chicken and egg problem. i can't sleep so then i finally sleep but lightly and then someone yells outside and i'm awake and more exhausted and then i can't sleep even more and and and.

and of course once you get overtired it's worse.

this weekend was particularly funny because i couldn't turn my brain off at all and none of my old sleep tricks helped in the slightest. ahhh i was so cocky thinking that my sleep troubles were behind me. i guess that's what rampant excitement and an overstuffed brain do to an insomniac...

ahhh illusions :)


Blogger kathi said...

You are practically glowing over the net... Girl, you're going to be amazing! I'm so glad that you've done this.

6/06/2006 12:22:00 AM  
Anonymous clarity said...

The conference sounds awesome. You're definitely in your element.

I find swimming during the day helps me sleep at night. That or some other aerobic activity.

6/06/2006 02:28:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

It's almost 3 am here and I'm wide awake......hate it when I can't sleep

Sounds like you had a great time

6/06/2006 02:57:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

I love it when you're all juiced up and excited about anything -- you totally exude it through your writing.

hell, I'M excited about pilates, and I don't know the first thing about it! LOL

6/06/2006 04:04:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

The excitement is coming through the screen and it's 6 AM and I should be in bed. But I am not and just like Dzer I am all excited about movement and pilates and pelvic floors... WTF? lol

And yummy dishes and feeling tired in a good way. All good stuff, dollface.

I'd love to be in the gym soon. With the whole dissertation debacle and new training and all of that, the gym seems like a far away place. But I will try to make time.


6/06/2006 06:10:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kathi i did it for one day last year but it wasn't NEARLY this exciting or whatever, three days is better than one.

clarity it totally was. totally.

and i think you're right, i also haven't climbed much lately AND the village has woken up for summer with some massively rude people outside my apartment every night.

kris: me too. me too. me too. words really do fail.

i did!

did you get any sleep?

6/06/2006 07:27:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dzer: cool. i think it's totally cool that i do that.

really? that's really cool. i think translating your own excitement about a subject is a large part of teaching.

nat: why were you up at six AM!!!?

pelvic floors are exciting, that's the strange thing. i mean your whole body is determined from there... well and your feet and your breath...

oh yeah man, it is all good. and i'm in a damm fine mood...

why is it a debacle, you going to explain that?

well if you can't get to the gym make sure you walk briskly every day or somehting...


6/06/2006 07:32:00 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Ok, you have found a spiritual and physical awakening...or it's time to get on some lithium as you are in the middle of a Manic episode. I am voting for the former. Such a post, with such intensity, almost made me get off the couch and become more active, lol. Really though, it seems like things are coming together for you...and I am very happy because of this.

6/06/2006 08:09:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

A debacle cause I have been given the run-around and because there have been threats...threats I tell you. But I am hoping all goes well now. *fingers crossed*


6/06/2006 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...


i want a new body

6/06/2006 12:47:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

I have watched you throw yourself into Pilates for three years now. I have watched you go from couch to conquer. I have watched your body evolve- and not just into something attractive, but something with the free flowing movement that we were designed to do. Congratulations on your success, Sass. And very good luck to you as you continue this pursuit. I wish I knew that well what I want to accomplish in my life.


6/06/2006 01:50:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

I am totally with you on the insomnia thing. Fucking sucks.

My .02 is that it's more likely the UTI itself.

I used to be MAJORLY prone to them, suffered at least one a month for 18 months before the doctor I was seeing for them admitted (finally) to me that it was a common side effect of the bc pill I was on. But I shouldn't stop taking it, because getting pregnant would be worse.... (thanks, ASSHOLE! my urinary tract has never been the same since.)

Anyway, whenever I had one, I couldn't sleep at all until it was completely gone, it's like my body just got totally pumped full of adreneline.

6/06/2006 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

cas: yes, yes i have. or i need some lithium. i was so happy by the end of the weekend that i was seriously starting to wonder that myself... i mean can you be that happy without drugs?

i've decided the answer is yes since i had a nice post bliss crash yesterday :)

look i LOVE exercising, that is in no way supposed to make y'all feel guilty. i work out the way some people watch tv...

thanks cas :)

nat: threats?


what kind of threats?

*crosses toes for you*

elle: everyone does babe... but i only know one way to do it and it's expensive...

6/06/2006 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: thanks hubris, it's especially nice to hear from the people that have watched it all happen. it's getting hard to remember not beinga ble to move...

i didn't know until the universe hit me upside the head, be careful what you wish for....

md: you know that would make a lot of sense. because i think i started having trouble sleeping before my bladder went insane. and that's just what it feels like, i'm all pumped up and even if i sleep for a second i wake up for ANY little noise...

in fact it feels like way way too much coffee but without the buzzing.

and that doctor? what a fucking asswipe.

hey what do you want to do about thursday?

6/06/2006 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

I just have one word to reply to you



6/06/2006 05:30:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

there is NO way me and my slightly inflated urethra are going anywhere NEAR a fucking bicycle seat anytime soon

no WAY

6/06/2006 05:56:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

oh that's fine! I was just trying to get you to remember how bicycles were not an option even a year ago. regardless of your bits!

Speaking of those, get well soon dude.

6/06/2006 06:04:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: good point dude... it's actually getting so i'm cranky when i can't do stuff which is hella funny considering...


thanks man, my drugs end today, i'm pretty worried about the persistent tiny itch... but i'll see how it is in a few days.

6/06/2006 06:23:00 PM  
Blogger Madame X said...


I am envious this conferance sounds wonderful.

Good for you.

6/06/2006 07:58:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

madame : pilatesontour.com and anyone can go if they're interested. i would do more of the theory unless you're a nerd though or the exercises will kill you.

why do you need to find out how to do stomach massage? i might be able to make the prep part make sense to you...


6/06/2006 08:39:00 PM  
Anonymous clarity said...

Sass, may I suggest drinking cranberry juice for the tiny itch. Unsweetened, diluted. Black River has one they sell frozen you can get at the health food store. Its supposed to be very helpful for UTIs.

Its amazing how many side effects the BC pill has that just aren't acknowledged by most health care professionals.

6/06/2006 10:05:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

sass, that is so cool you can already feel the physical change.


pilates rocks.
and so do you.

6/06/2006 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

clarity: absolutely you can suggest that, in fact i'll go there tomorrow sometime. that is an excellent plan. all the cran i can get is stuffed with sugar. and i always dilute, it's too bitter otherwise :)

it was a freaking raging uti, never had one like that in my life.

i can't believe all the shit the bc pill does and yet it's still the recommended form of birth control. sticking pebbles in your uterus is more sane fer chrissakes.

(although iud's do make the cramps worse they're still better inho)

terry: oh yeah i started to really notice it about halfway through saturday. my body takes information well. show it and it will follow you. and then do it itself.

pilates is the fucking bomb. well movement is :)

thanks! you're pretty awesome yourself you know.

6/06/2006 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

expensive yet...but lucky me has people willing to foot the bill.

and they reiterate that constantly, lately.


6/07/2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger terry said...

aww, thanks, sass.

oh, the sleep thing -- seems to me the insomnia comes in cycles. at least it seems to for me. i've had other periods when i've struggled with sleep.
it's just this most recent one that's the most annoying.

wishing you sweet dreams...

6/07/2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

elle: are they only willing to foot the bill their way? what if instead they paid for *shrug* once a week private pilates for a year or something?

why the fuck are they saying that? cause they're assholes or because you're telling them how much you hate your body or what?

shitty dude.

terry :)

i think you're right. it does that with me too. i wonder if it's a seasonal change thing.

i wish you sweet dreams right back!

6/07/2006 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger terry said...

i fear that i will soon be addicted to over-the-counter sleep aids.. but DAMN, they help!

hi, i'm terry, and i'm addicted to the costco version of sominex...

6/07/2006 10:38:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

aw terry that sucks ass. there's no winning there.

i think you would really benefit from finding a way to get some pilates or yoga back into your life. though a lot of people tell me cardio is better for sleeping...

6/08/2006 12:36:00 AM  
Blogger terry said...

i agree, about the pilates or yoga. i definitely DID sleep better when i was still doing it.

hoping to get back there very soon...

6/08/2006 09:54:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

terry: i hope you get a little more money coming in and you can afford a *good* teacher instead of a y somewhere...

i sleep better too but i don't get enough cardio...

6/09/2006 12:10:00 PM  

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