friendship

by the way, if you're the type that thinks everyone is talking about you when they don't reference you then just to clarify here, i am not talking about you and yes i do reference both past and present as present tense so suck it up, i'm talking about someone else. no really, i am.
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i've been musing on the nature of friendship lately. There are so many different kinds of friends in my world. There are friends, old friends, good friends, party friends, family friends, friends who are family, friends i want to fuck, friends who want to fuck me, friends you need, friends who need you and blood family.

now a lot of people can fall into multiple categories and really, it's easy to switch around... but it's two categories i'm musing on today.

people i want to fuck and people who want to fuck me.

when i was a teenager it was pretty much impossible to be friends with a guy i was into. there was giggling and silliness and ridiculous overtones of archness that were NOT subtle. anyway it was impossible. so was dating because i believed all that nice girls don't crap. tragically i still do in many ways.

but see i'm NOT a teenager anymore. if someone doesn't want to fuck me then they go into the 'vague regret slightly flirty friend' file. which basically means that i like them a lot (because i have to or i don't want to fuck them... if i don't LIKE you i don't WANT you. sorry that's just how it is) but that i get that i don't get to get naked with them.

surprisingly, it turns out that i'm fine with this. no, really.

i have very few friends that i used to fuck and several friends that i used to WANT to fuck. see how it works? i get them longer if i don't boink them anyway.

so now the other kind. the ones that want to fuck me. it all comes down to whether or not they take no for an answer see? like i'm a person who gets told no and lets it go very quickly. some people though you can take the no and clobber them into the depths of hell with it all the while shouting NONONONEVERNOTACHANCEINFUCKINGHELLNONONONOWAY
NOTEVERNOTNOWNOTEVENINYOURFUCKINGFANTASIESANDSTOP
LOOKINGATMELIKETHAT!!!!! and still they're staring at you with these puppydog eyes and making like if they just ask you one more time or make one more comment about how hot they think you are you'll like magically decide that *yes* you do want to fuck them.

No, really, I won't.

No, really, I won't.

Should I say it again?

Now sometimes the wanting to fuck person just needs to be told and they're over it. if you have someone in your life that wants to fuck you and you don't return the feeling and they broach the subject do not beat around the bush [heh!] just tell them. No, just tell them, it's actually kinder in the long run.

If you're the wanting to fuck person in the scenario above and you think maybe they're trying to tell you something then LISTEN but if you wonder at all then just ASK them in a nice and respectful way. Maybe they'll surprise you and want you back, but if they don't? Then let it the fuck go. Right now.

They are not going to change their minds. No, they really aren't. When the time comes it comes and if it doesn't it ain't gonna and all the hanging about looking woeful ain't gonna do crap to change that. in fact that will just irritate the shit out of them.

The only exception to this is that if you hang about and be super cool after having completely let go of the idea that you want them then something real might grow between you. About a 1% chance so really, just let it go and see what the future brings.

The thing that's hard to figure is what to do with someone who yearns to fuck you and won't take no for an answer. What if you genuinely care for them? What if time spent together is actually important to you? What if you consider them true friends? What if they're really awesome potential friends?

There's the disappear off the face of the earth and never be heard from again scenario but that sort of robs you of some potential great friends (who might have taken no for an answer you know).

Then there's the distance yourself and get a little less available and hope they get over it school but that one rarely works and often makes them yearn for you more.

Then there's the tell them that you find it ragingly annoying and it needs to stop or you'll be forced to stop hanging out with them idea but that one is screamingly tough especially if you really want to be friends... should be used when there are no alternatives perhaps? [has universally LOST me said friend]

Then there's the hope it goes away and do nothing plan but let me tell you it isn't and it doesn't.

Then there's the fuck them already and get it over with plan but that only works if you secretly wanted to fuck them all along.

Can't think of any more but i would SURE like to hear them if y'all have them because so far none of my plans have ever worked in implementation. [Well except the disappear one but that's rather akin to cutting off your nose to spite your face.]

This seems to crop up for me on a semi regular basis because i'm the girl that people want to have one night stands and affairs with but not the girl they want to like primarily date... and they wonder why i have trust and intimacy issues. *rueful laugh*

Compounding this is the fact that not one of the men i've found attractive in the last 2 years has found me attractive in return and you can see where the problems can come from. The nearest miss I had in two years was with a guy who was "only" living with a girl. Good for me I sent him packing. Seriously, I get hit on by married folks, people who just want a casual drunken fuck and people that are heavily involved and that's pretty much it.

Anyway... thoughts please :)