to drive or to park

.
Lately, when driving, I've found my attention wandering everywhere but the road. Now if I'm awake and alert and it's a nice day and I'm in a good mood it's not a problem. But otherwise?

Damm, today I almost hit the same car three different times. I found myself more fascinated by the new climbing calluses on my fingers than the road. I was on the phone, worried about my schedule, chewing my nails (after getting climbing chalk OUT of them) and so on.

None of this had anything to do with the shitty traffic I was stuck in.

Now, I'm sort of thinking that this may have something to do with the weather. It's humid and hazy and the smog is sort of crowding in on itself in an attempt to make even bigger and better pollution records for august.

Hrm, now if that isn't an argument for moving back to the country I don't know what is.

Anyway the air smells horrible right now and I'm basically praying for rain in order to wash all that shit out of the air. Except it rained. today. a lot. and it didn't do crap for the ozone smelling mess that i'm breathing.

Still, none of that explains why suddenly I can't be bothered paying attention when I'm driving a multiple ton piece of machinery. [hmm I wonder what my accord weighs...] It's almost as though I've grown contemptuous of the road. As though I know it can't hurt me.

And I am here to tell you that is the single stupidest thing I have EVER said. Because here I am, three and a half years later, and I'm STILL in recovery from the last accident and that one wasn't even MY fault. In fact I was sitting, STOPPED and waiting to turn right when I got rear ended by a moron who thinks that friction doesn't apply to HIS suv.

So it's not like I don't know the consequences it really isn't. And it's not like I'm not aware that an EIGHTH whiplash might just kill me.

So what is it? Why am I suddenly utterly unwilling to pay attention to the road?

And what do I do about it when I need my car for work?