well,

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i put up a counter that had like 800 hits to start with because i've been tracking for like 6 weeks and i've had that many visitors so it seemed fair. It hit 900 already. Now it's kind of lame because it counts my own visits and i reload a lot checking stuff but still. that's kind of neat.
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i'm still drooling over that guy yesterday. no really still. and am like distracted by how beautiful he was. that hasn't happened in at least 6 or 8 weeks.
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i told a girl at work about a post i did in a gossipy way and then she actually read my blog. do i or don't i stop admitting to having a blog? heck i've mentioned it to my parents! people read my blog that i would never expect. and people come back.

it's funny because you see *I* write it so I really can't see why anyone would read it. I'm pretty sure other bloggers feel the same way actually. In fact I'm told the Baghdad Blogger (did I mention READ THE BOOK?) was totally shocked by the response to his blog.
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the kitten is resolutely nameless. some possibilities have been and are:
spidermonkey
spider
snake
lifeform
speedbump
whatshernuts
C-Fer
sheena
monkey
hobbes
zazu/zaza/zazz
cat

i'm seriously getting to think her name is nameless.
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i have SO got nothing to say tonight.
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so my online dating life is heating up. there are in fact a few guys that are emailing me on a regular basis and two of them actually intrigue me. one i emailed first and one who contacted me. the former is fully my type and sends excellent emails but is very slow to answer mail in spite of being online daily... so he's probably not that into me although i'll email for a while. the second sends short emails but answers quickly and climbs at another gym in Toronto. Also he opened with 'you sound awesome' which is a fully excellent introductory line.

No like fully excellent.

Right up there with pretty much anything that indicates that you bothered to read past "tall, fit, has boobs!" and maybe paid a SMIDGEN of attention to whether or not we'd get along. Eep, someone named Toohorny just im'd me "how ya doing cutie?" seriously that line outside of a bar?? And like it's going to work?

Oh right, so yeah it's heating up. I think I'll likely end up on a climbing date if nothing else and it's nice to meet other climbers so cool. Also 6'5" which is sort of delicious. I like em smallish (5'7" to 6'1" or so [I'm 5'11"]) and wiry but the tall ones have a certain um... je ne sais quoi. And Elle, you can't have him unless I decide that I don't want him. :)

It's tough with the dating sites. There's not that many interesting men in my age group and on okcupid i'm really at the top of the age curve so there's a lot of young guys after older women in that sorta icky way. I'm not talking 27 and 34 by the way... I mean like 21 year old guys chasing after me when it clearly says i'm 34. My sister would call me ageist. Anyway the thing with the guys in my 'age bracket' is that most of them want their girls a little younger and there's really not many interesting men who are much older than I am around that site. So what that means is that even if you do find a guy's profile you like he's probably already messaging or emailing a zillion other people and a lot of them are women that are 25 and not already jaded about dating.

Gee i'm making myself sound appetizing as a dating potential person *snicker*

It's just weird. Still it's fun and even just the emailing at least gets you thinking about the opposite sex. I think i might ask the guy i'm into out for coffee. I'm really really not the asking people out type [read can't recall ever doing it] though so i might fuck it up. I'm hoping the email medium would work. Oh sure, I've asked people to do things like go for a beer after a group event and sort of hoped no one else came along... sort of 'social engineering' but I've never really just gone up to or called or emailed a guy and been like "so yeah... let's go on a date."

Hmm look I did have something to say after all!

Now according to that terrible book He's Just Not That Into You the very act of my asking a guy out will 'ruin things' because he won't get to enjoy the chase or some crap like that. Secretly I'm starting to believe this to be true. Whenever I've even just sort of done the old 'arrange to be around the guy a lot' thing nothing has ever been accomplished. In fact the only time anything ever really worked out for me there was either immediate chemistry there or immediate friendship that led to more. Some sort of spark thing just happened and he came after me. So this implies that really, asking the guy out would be a mistake because if he wanted me he would have done it already.

It's just the part of me that thinks men are also sane is going 'but wait, that can't be right... lots of times men get crushes on chicks and do nothing about it' ... but you know, the crushes I do nothing about are the ones that deep in my heart i know are inappropriate for me. the ones where if something happened it would be *bad*...

I just feel like there has to be space for the ones you notice slowly, or the ones you like and they have to sort of notice you... or the ones who like you that you need to notice or...

so i wonder... is the fucking book right?

and then i wonder... if you never go after what you want, how the fuck do you get it?

and then i'm undecided some more.