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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Saturday, September 03, 2005

drunk as a skunk

i am becoming a cheap drunk. this is fucking wierd. (weird? seriously what is WITH that word???) like i used to drink and drink and smoke and smoke and i was almost sober. I admit that at the time I was in a great deal of constant pain but still. I was close to sober and still i had consumed so much intoxicants. no dudes, SO much.

It really goes to show you what pain and lack of sleep will do to you. Not to mention using marijuana as a painkiller. It does a great job ... but it doesn't get you high when it's killing your pain. It just... kills your pain.

Actually it doesn't even do that. It sorta makes you forget that you hurt for like five minutes and that's really all you need. Robert Heinlein in his later books would talk about Lethe. A drug that made you forget everything that just happened. Your brain would work for like 5 minutes at a time and you just wouldn't remember. It had no addictive properties because it didn't do shit but make you forget. See the theory was [and my experience bears this out] that it's not pain but the memory of pain that's debillitating. So this drug makes you forget that you were in pain five minutes ago.

Think about this. When you fall and slam your knee a bit. When you hit your knuckles on the hold above the one you're reaching for when you're bouldering. When you bark your elbow into something. This hurts like HELL for like 5 minutes. And then it's gone. Like who gives a shit, that was nothing.

Constant pain doesn't hurt as much. what it has on the sudden sharp pain is the torture of longevity. For days and days and weeks and weeks you hurt. That's it, you hurt. You can't sleep because every time you roll over you make something seize up so you wake up wanting to cry. So you don't sleep.

For months.

And months.

And months.

So you get irrational after a while. It hurts every second of every day and you can't feel your brain anymore. You can't understand the decisions you're making and you especially can't get intoxicated.

You can try... but that pain thing, it just doesn't stop.

Now though? Damm dudes.

See in June my friend hubris decided to kick his marijuana habit and I decided to do it with him. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Also after I decided to do that my dealer laid me off which sort of cemented the decision. It seemed like the universe was agreeing with me.

I fairly quickly decided not to quit but to stay cut way down. Damm it's better. First of all? I actually GET HIGH! It's amazing. I remember why I used to like smoking pot. I'm really grateful to the pot for helping me through my accident but I don't miss being a chronic.

First of all I was fat.

And when you're fat and you're in pain and you can't sleep and you're lying on the couch you eat because there's nothing better to do. You're so fucking bored you can't see straight and you're watching hour 46 of television that week and it's only wednesday so you eat.

And you eat.

yeah it's shitty.

So sometimes i had to crawl up the stairs because I couldn't walk up them. So as you can imagine i consumed a fair amount of intoxicants during that couple of years.

And then in June some friends and I chucked our pot habit. Chucked it. We all still smoke but so little that one joint in an evening is enough to get us totalled.

And then tonight I smoked and I drank and I smoked and I drank like the professional that I am and after like maybe 6oz of liquor and 3 pipe bowls I'm trashed. Like totally trashed.

If I were speaking this I would be dropping consonants and slurring vowels. I won't tell you how many tries it took me to type would.

This is a fantastic change. It's so much FUN to be actually intoxicated. Damm.


Blogger DZER said...

Good for you, you drunken dodgy princess!

I'm sorta the same way. In high school and college I was a prodigious drinker. A case of beer during the course of a party wasn't unusual. I could chug a mug of beer in no-time flat; in fact I won several contests for cash doing that. I was capacious; it was soooo hard for me to get drunk. If everyone else was doing just beer or winecoolers or whatever we could get our hands on, I would also have to do shots to keep pace.

I never smoked much weed; the first time I ever tried it, it was laced with peyote and fucked me up big time, so I stayed away from it for a loooong time.

After one incident, in which I remember getting into my car but not the drive home, I cut back big time. Now, I might have a beer or a glass of wine when out with friends for dinner. I don't drink booze at any other time, really.

I don't like the taste of most beer or liquor either. When I was young and dumb, I put up with the taste to get the effect. But what's the point now?

So I shy away from inebriation. I eschew the high. I forgo drunkenness.

What I really wish I could do was go back to smoking. Fuck I miss cigarettes.

What a blathering comment this was/is. Sorry about that!

9/03/2005 05:23:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

slept in late, I take it ...


heh heh

9/03/2005 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

damm dude me too... it will be five years on december 21st since i gave myself quitting smoking for christmas and i still miss it.

no not hungover... still a little drunk maybe...


of COURSE i slept in late, i didn't have to teach this morning!

9/03/2005 11:25:00 AM  
Blogger Chrissie said...

LOL.. im looking forward to drinking again... another 5 months or so! Yeah right, like i wont drink at Christmas

Nice to "meet" a fellow toker ;) I had quit for a long time, got cancer and started smokin again to battle the effects of chemo, it helps sooo much. Now... i just like to smoke *L* I think i'll be smokin at 60 :) Maybe my apparently soon to be grandchildren *glaring at Dz* will be able to score me a bag! lol

9/04/2005 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

why can't you drink? Are you doing chemo *now* or still on drugs? That so isn't any of my business but i'm curious.

i have to teach people recovering and i don't really know what it's like cause it hasn't happened to anyone i'm really close to.

the mj saved my life after my accident. the amount of tylenol 3s (would that tehre were fives) i would have had to take would have killed me.

you have soon to be grandkids? congrats!

9/04/2005 12:27:00 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

sass ... chrissie had a post on her blog about how she thought she might not be a good granny ... and said she hoped she wouldn't be one soon ... I commented that I was sure she would have them VERY soon LOL

and two of my fave gals are potheads ... *shakin' my head*


9/04/2005 01:06:00 PM  
Blogger Chrissie said...

Sass... lol my most recent cancer was stomach cancer, so I had part of my stomach removed. for whatever reason they cautioned me against having any alcohol for at least 6, preferably 12 months... yeah right.. if i make it 6 they should be proud, I don’t drink a LOT but i have already missed out on my nephews wedding and my families yearly jaunt to Tahoe... i'll be drinkin at Christmas :)

And it saved my life too, if I had not used it i would have starved to death. I couldn’t hold food down and really couldn’t even work up an appetite without it. Its great for an upset stomach :)

I better NOT be a Granny anytime soon >:o(

9/04/2005 04:23:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dzer i think i just read that post, but it was AFTER i commented here :)

also, how do you pronounce dzer in your head?

I'm not a chronic anymore but i sure love my pot.

chrissie: your most RECENT!?? Eep. Anyway that sucks dude, i'm glad you had access to pot in order to make the ordeal much easier. I've heard that very thing from so many people....

no granny for you... i think i want to mom soon though

9/04/2005 04:35:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Nothing like getting liquored up!

9/04/2005 07:53:00 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

Sass: It's "dee-zurr" ... why? how were you envisioning it? Are you one of those who thinks it's "dzz-urr" or "Duh-zurr"? LOL

9/04/2005 09:49:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

one of my friends last names starts with the sound dzie (dzee) so i was thinking dzurr or dee zurr had to be it.

also, i am VERY impressed with how coherent my drunk off my ass was while drunk off my ass!

9/04/2005 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger ThermaZan said...

Cool blog! If you get a chance you may want to visit this stop smoking patch website, it is very cool.

10/07/2005 02:26:00 PM  

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