oh oh

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no, really oh oh.

I've noticed a tendency in myself at previous points in my life that, when things are going well, I sort of forget what it feels like when they're bad. In fact sometimes I even get this vaguely superior thing going.

Why does this concern me? Well it seems that this recent spate of compliments has sent me a little over the edge in the confidence department. Seriously having so many people that you lose count tell you you're an awesome dancer is sort of guaranteed to go to a girl's head.

Then there's this whole 'you're an inspiration' thingy that's been happening lately. I've noticed that with each statement like that my nose fills ever so slightly more with helium. Like seriously I'm actually starting to piss myself off.

And of course as usual I've been musing about this. How do you get good at something, even excel at it (my goal with pilates for example) and have people tell you you're wonderful and accept that praise or thanks by saying (weird I know) 'thank you' and not get high on yourself in the meantime? I know that it's possible because DJ (one of the goddesses that I learn from) reacts with such a wonderful blush and an awe shucks and yet somehow lets you know that she treasures these words from you. And you know it's not the first compliment she's heard in her eleventh or something year of teaching.

So how do you do it? How do you say thanks and aw shucks and not let it go to your head? And don't for a second think that the thanks aren't crucial. When someone says to you 'i feel like you're teaching a private lesson just for me and i can't tell you about how my back is feeling because I'm afraid I'll jinx it' and the class averages 20 people you absolutely have to say something to acknowledge the gift this person has just given you. I know for sure that when I thank DJ I need to know that she's heard me.

I tend to do the aw shucks/delighted smile thing and thank people genuinely... but that's for them, what do I tell my own self? How do I accept these wonderful statements, realise that they are about me and not get high on myself?

It doesn't help that lately people are telling me how good I've been looking these days. At least up until last week I still had 'yeah but you're chubby' to get the nose back down to recognizeable levels.

I can see it now 'hey ok cupid guy... check out my oh so superior nostrils! Aren't they pretty with their lovely italian flair? Admire the little bump where my nose ring goes... Oh you can't see it? Let me just stick my nose a little higher!'

*sigh*

I wish I was kidding. I also wish that being aware of my tendency to feel superior made it go away. Although superior isn't really the right word. It's more that I almost get impatient with people who are having a bad time of it. Like 'can't you see that if you just think positive it will all get better?' Implicit in this is the idea that *I* always think positive and never have a single negative day.

Uh yeah... do you read your own blog dude?

So where does confidence stop and cocky start? How do you believe in yourself and walk tall without walking on a helium bubble? Is it just that you have to wait for the Universe to toss you on your ass *again* so you get the humility/patience lesson *again* or is there a way to do it inside yourself? To stay humble and yet accepting of the great things that are happening around you?
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Incidentally solace gets better every time I listen to it.
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Tomorrow is a hella day. Get up, teach, run to a job interview thingy, run home, mop the front lobby, change, run out on date thingy and then who knows? I have possibilities but nothing firm, sort of like my weekend. It's actually been a long time since I didn't have plans for the weekend, summer must be ending. Not having plans *snerk* saturday at noon: rugby spectating, saturday evening: dinner with clarity and lorax, sunday morning: teach, maybe sunday brunch depending on how things shake down... {yeah that sounds like no plans to me!!!} I guess it's a testament to how busy my usual weekend is?

I'm all stoked about interview/date combination... I think they will do a lovely job of distracting me from each other. It's a great way to break a loop...
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Kitten is getting spayed in the morning... I've never been afraid of cat surgery before...
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Shit, down to 7 hours sleep. Stoopid addictive blog!

Nighters!