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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

anonymity and the blogverse.

[this post tried four times to get posted last night but blogger kept eating it]

had coffee at noon. have to teach at 6:30. WIDE awake.

error error error!

if you aren't a nerd skip to the next .

MU FUCKING ISP CHANGED MY GODDAMM IP address and now all my fucking email is going to bounce until my DNS guy reads his mail. Goddammit I knew I should have installed bind 5 fucking years ago. See what happens when you're lazy? I'm pissed. Words fail me.

Okay so I'm really starting to understand this whole *anonymous* thing with blogging because damm. I keep getting busted for saying things about people who a) i had no idea read my blog and b) are too fucking smart for my own good. I say something that I think is all subtle and circumspect
(okay unless you're the okcupid guy in which case sorry) and I get email going 'uh... is that me?'


do you ever wish you hadn't told your mother/sister/brother/friend/prospective boy/total stranger/billboard/work colleague/etc. about your blog? You look around one day and realise that
all of the people you might want to complain about actually MIGHT read your blog?

Or, people TELL you they read your blog and you had no idea. You show them one thing (like a picture of your kitten or a link to something or whatever) and then they're like

"so i was reading your blog"

and you're like. 'oh shit... what do you think i said about you?'

Ironically, you often are not in fact referring to whomever thinks you're talking about them. Well I'm not. I can't speak for Scared Bunny and Elle who actually use people's real names and phone numbers!

yeah time to save this as a draft. i got FULLY busted by someone to whom I actually referred in a less than flattering way and I have to deal before I start blogging about it. It sort of seems fair.

the thing is I'm almost never *just* referring to whomever or whatever I'm referring to. Something that happened in my life that day or that week or five minutes ago or last year might pop into my head and I'll just write about it. But what I'll actually do is use whatever happened as a jumping off point for a big long muse about something totally else.
okay for fuck's sakes the fucking blogger lost my entry TWICE and I'm not typing it again.

I typed it THREE times. I stuck it in the clipboard. I am not MEANT to post the rest of this.

So, back to anon thoughts. For example, my friendship rant recently. That was actually inspired because scared bunny was talking about men and women can't be friends that one of them doesn't want to fuck the other and I got to thinking. Like 15 years of my life worth of thinking and I realised that he's right. (except othercat cause he's gay and married and more like my brother). So I discussed that and ways of dealing with that and i was in the kind of mood where I was being funny and nasty and you know, I can think of at least three people who almost certainly think I was referring directly to them and are pissed and yet I wasn't. I really was just thinking about stuff.

Or that fucking book 'he's just not that into you' ... there is some great stuff in that book and it really got me thinking. For example there are some examples of abuse/neglect/substance issues that are dead on and great information for anyone in the dating universe. That said, some of their shit is cracked. Like WHY shouldn't women ask men out? No really why not? Most men I know say they would be delighted if such things happened more often?

And their ideas about busy people are fully addled. Fully. Seriously my day today is so nuts that other than finishing this entry I am going to run my ass off for hours and NOT call anyone. Not by phone, not by email, not by carrier pigeon and certainly not by knocking on their door. I gots to work, try to catch a nap, get my car at the doc and so on adn so on and so on. So by their lights I'm not even that into my mother since I surely won't call her today. Obviously these people are busy in regular office hours and have plenty of time on their hands.

Still the book got me thinking a lot about male/female dating behaviour. However I used a guy on a dating site as an example and then fully traumatised him by telling him about my blog. So not only does the poor guy think I'm insane but he also got a running commentary on his behaviour through the filter of that stupid book. In retrospect I probably should have waited a bit before telling him about the blog.

Fortunately for me I believe my gut more than I believe a book that I read, but it's been an interesting few days while I thought about it.

I guess the point is that now I'm trying to figure out where what I want to say stops and where other people's feelings start... also I'm trying to figure out how to talk about my life without talking about someone else's. And I have to tell you I'm really not sure.


Blogger Mingyiu Gyatso said...

Greetings from South Central PA (also know as I Wish This Was Quebec):

I elected to remain anonymous to the world at large for one reason: fear of retaliation from a certain "religion" that has a history of fighting dirty.

And, I choose to be anonymous because I don't want to embarrass my poor sweet wife by having some bewitched, sex-starved woman, man, or farm animal come a-bangin' at my door looking for love, entranced by my pithiness and profundity.

Other than that, I welcome friends reading my blog. Because I decided that if I don't possess the intestinal fortitude to tell them something to their face, then I'm not going to say it here.

Does that help at all?

8/17/2005 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger murphy said...

stop thinking .. and best he knows about your blog upfront.. fuck 'im if he can't see it as a venting spot.

8/17/2005 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger factory_peasant said...

when i started my blog project last year i gave some thought to how i would present the people i wanted to write about. i've been working for the same company the last 12 years and the majority of the people there i despise and have nothing but contempt for. they're really worthless.

i decided to write about them as if they were characters in a cartoon or something and i never use their real names. because i was throwing down the gauntlet on them, i didn't want to find myself facing a defamation or libel lawsuit. so i write about them using aliases and nicknames. it's the only way to go as far as i'm concerned.

in one case i've used the real name of a company because it went out of business, and in one case i used a person's real first and last names because the guy died.

sure, i have told some fellow employees about Bill and Dave Are Dead. those are the only people there i trust completely not to blow my cover. and i've told some friends about it but i'm not writing bad stuff about them so no problem on that front.

ex-girlfriends however fall into the supreme hatred/total war category and they make appearances on the blog with their real first name only. if they ever run across my stuff and read it i'm hoping those whores figure out i've been writing about them and i've exposed how truly rotten they are. i hope they will cry and/or commit suicide.

i don't know what to tell you about your troubles with some acquaintences busting you for what you've written. not sure if any of this might apply to what you're up to since it seems you don't write all that much about work stuff but maybe some of this will apply anyway. skim it for anything useful...


8/17/2005 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

I quite like pennsylvania but i have a bunch of relatives there that i adore.

I am anonymous in the sense that i don't put up my real name. My pic is myself and my friends and family are aware that I blog thought I think my parents fear asking for the url. I think if I had an ex that read this I would expect him to understand that it's my backyard and that anything i say about him is fair game. That said I use people's nicks [if i use your initials please send me a nick to use] or i refer to them non specifically.

what got me busted?
"I found out conclusively that someone I thought was going to be a really good friend is actually kind of self centered and all about themselves. this saddens me because it means my ability to read people is even more fucked than i'm discovering it is."

That very person to whom i referred in no specific way emailed me going 'um is that me?'

so now i have to wonder... should i be more careful? say less? what?

murph: excellent point... still i'm not sure i would want to read a woman dithering about asking me out an hour after she did it.

8/17/2005 03:21:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

You could have said "no" to the self centered comment. I read it, thought to myself "hrmm" then blew it off.

Several folks around here know about mine, I've had them ask me for clarification on a few issues.

The downside is that they now know where they can go to see what mood I'm in. Granted those who know about my blog I trust and wouldn't hurt in a zillion years, but still...it's weird. I wonder who else reads mine. I know my relatives don't do this stuff so I'm safe - I guess.

I was hit by a bunch of spammers today, all registered! :P

8/17/2005 03:37:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Well, It's no secret why I remain anonymous.
I need a forum in which I can discuss the more agressive side of myself. I enjoy talking and thinking about sex, even more so than my male counterparts.
The alter-world (if you would permit me to call it that) of lifestyles people or "swingers" is hugely misunderstood. I think that society places us in a porn category and it is shunned and cursed... By the highest morals it is wrong, wrong, wrong.
Really, we're not sluts.. we're just like you -or- Murph -or- Ming.. and we don't impose this way of life on anybody.
Most people don't relate or understand the act of living this way. For the last year I have felt hugely conflicted living a lie about what I do when I'm not soccer mom. That sucks.
You get all stressed out and begin to question whether there is anyone else out there that feels the same way. Surprise! There are more couples out there living alternately than ever before - with or without porn.

I remain anonymous because my family is prominent. I remain anonymous because I just know some pervert could put myself and my family in danger (or break in and steal my panties, geesh)... not worth the risk of exposing myself.

I like being who I am without criticism, without being judged.. without being looked at strangely during PTA Meetings.

I say hindsight is 20/20. If you have fear that you may ruin a friendship or relationship than double think the decision of telling them you have an online journal....
pick your battles sweetie.
Oh, by the way... you look cute today ! ")

8/17/2005 03:38:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

damm i just really love the thoughtful comments i get. i also can't believe i broke 40 yesterday!

cast honey trust me on this one... when i'm mad at you you know it. course you always answer my email so it helps *grin*. I think i'm currently learning about those same up and downsides myself. It's quite neat and cool and a little disturbing too.

bubbly: i don't disapprove of your lifestyle. I would disapprove if you did it in front of your kids. In fact I feel the same way about that as i do about smoking pot or tobacco in front of kids.

thanks darlin' i'm glad i look cute today... i have a date!

8/17/2005 03:58:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Uh, I shun pot and tobacco in front of my kids. Big no no's.

And trust me, there is no way I could even get remotely fuckable if my kids were in the room...


Pot, tobacco and sex can wait until kiddies are sleepin'.
And best when enjoyed together..
You rock... I wish I could hit 40 comments. Apparently people are more interested in dating than in porn.. go figure!

8/17/2005 04:07:00 PM  
Blogger factory_peasant said...


letting your friends know about your blog and then writing about them is crossing a risky line. especially if you're putting them in a less than flattering light. my advice is, if you're going to write about your friends don't tell them about your blog. if you have to write about them, start another blog someplace else and keep it on the sly.

8/17/2005 04:33:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

bubbles that's exactly what i thought you would say and it's why i enjoy your blog and your thoughts so much.

mmmm pot and sex is really fun with the right people.

peasant: i thought that really that person wasn't reading my blog and more than that I NEVER thought they would realise it was them. Generally I don't talk about much... I really do muse on themes.

bubbles i think the comments are cause i ask thoughtful questions but i'm not sure

8/17/2005 04:40:00 PM  
Anonymous tania said...

hee heee.

thanks for the support sista!~

8/17/2005 05:00:00 PM  
Blogger murphy said...

what the hell.. she thinks she's like me? 'pervert with small tits that is' .. wait.. am I like her? oh shit complex..

Sass - you do ask questions and ask for retorts that are valid, hell if we know if our advice is any good and it's up to you to sort it - maybe blogging about a guy right away is bad, k, it is bad. Gently usher him into this, kinda like bondage you can't go pinning the guy to the bed and throwing a ball gag in his mouth the first time, you have to pull his hair and then.... well anyway you get the idea.

How the hell does she know what you look like today anyway?

8/17/2005 05:05:00 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

i agree wholeheartedly that it's a struggle to figure out what you can and cannot write. in the end i think it comes down to how much you're willing to take from the people who know you and talk to you regularly.

if you don't mind what people say or if you can circumvent they're reactions without totally ignoring them then you're good.

on the other hand, if you don't want to deal with it at all you either a) stop telling people about the blog, which i CANNOT do for the life of me or b) accept that not everyone will be happy with what you say.

keep in mind: it's your space. you really should be able to ssay whatever you want. and if people don't like they don't have to read it. :)

8/17/2005 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

murph: i think i sorta love you

tania: good luck babe

murph: wish i knew! and you're dead on on the advice

8/17/2005 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

teresa thank you so much!

gotta go kids, have a climbing date...

8/17/2005 05:08:00 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

aside: i love the fact that you get thoughtful comments too...i can stop being an idiot for two seconds and actually just be. thank you :)

and you're welcome!

8/17/2005 05:16:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

I am everywhere... beware the all-mighty pervert with the small tits.

8/17/2005 05:34:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Sass, I can hook you up with a gmail account if you want one, let me know.

Small hooterage is better than no hooterage. (.)(.)

Woohoo, it's raining. First time since yesterday!

8/17/2005 05:45:00 PM  
Blogger Johnny Canuck said...

Sorry, I refreshed your blog a few times to see the counter roll up over 1260.
I'm numbers 1254-1261. Whoo-hooo!!


8/17/2005 09:05:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

teresa seriously i cannot NOT tell people about my blog, I can't do it... no matter how much i try it just doesn't work. It's a part of my life that i care about after all.

Maybe that's it ... because i'm trying really hard to be honest then other people feel the need to honest up? something like that? i'm glad you feel safe here anyway.

cast i got one from the guy i went climbing with today but thanks! happy raining!

Johnny welcome and have fun with the counter. I can't believe it's gone 400 hits in like two days. that shit is weird.

8/18/2005 12:32:00 AM  
Blogger stoned.nerd said...

ooooh it's like a comments-fest in here! sorry i'm late!

anyway. i used to keep a blog which i told friends. then i realised i couldnt bitch/write/complain about matters involving them because it would prick their tender hearts and sour things between us. so i had to censor my own writing. which kinda defeats the purpose of it all somehow.

that aside, i also realised they tend to judge me from my writing, which bemused me a little because i'd thought they know me in reality, and are friends longer than anything. for i believe, in writing, it's a facade sometimes, like it or not. and judging me because i shot off my mouth on some issues that i'd normally avoid in real life, kinda scares me.

anyway sass, i think im starting to like your blog more and more. you have some good stuff on here lately!!!!

8/18/2005 01:44:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hey nerd

my last post broke 40 which was a new record! and you're not late, you're right on time.. that's the nice thing about blogging.

okay onward... i think that's just what i'm running into, people who are actually reacting to my blog rather than to me. this is sort of funny since i sometimes exaggerate ever so slightly for effect. Like for example okcupid guy wasn't fully traumatised by my blog just a bit ... surprised... but it's a lot more fun to write about if you add a couple of degrees to it.

i try hard to still be myself when i write but i've noticed that awareness of who really IS reading has a funny effect.. you maybe say the same sorts of things but you might choose a different word or soemthing... weirdness.

nerd thank you so much for the lovely compliment, i think i'm sort of hitting my stride as it were.... and remember FUCK FUCK FUCK! *snicker*

8/18/2005 06:07:00 PM  
Blogger Girly Girl said...

If you want over 18 adults only dating then Swinger Dating is the site for you. Totally free too :)

11/07/2005 06:39:00 PM  

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