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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Ships in the night

I seem to be in the ships in the night stage of my dating life. I keep meeting men that I find attractive but one thing or another leads to me never seeing them again. Like this guy from work, we'll call him fugitive (for reasons amusing to me and me only), he just got to the stage of flirting that made him worth considering in a serious way [in fact I was planning to engineer coffee the next time I saw him] and he went and got fired. This is nearly mind blowing. He was like everyone's favourite guy, you couldn't have seen this coming if you were psychic. But he did.

Now how am I supposed to find him?

The thing that makes this frustrating is that there was some definite sparkle there. You know where you're more clever than you ever really are just because they're at the other half of the repartee? The sort of feeling you don't get very often?

Don't get me wrong here, I've been interested in several men in the last while as well as a very hot girl. Still, other than a couple of incidents that were brief and explained by aromatherapy [he smelled like my ex husband], or involved said hot girl, or men from far away places I haven't had chemistry with anyone. Like at all.

This one makes me have dirty, dirty, dirty thoughts. Like dirty. And delicious. This is almost unheard of for me. I usually have sexual responses about like a tree when you hug it. Aka nonexistent. So when I get hit with the pheremones I almost don't know how to handle it.

Still, everyone interesting seems to disappear again the second I notice them. It makes me wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. When I make comments like this to the peanut gallery they tell me that I'm too young to give up, that i'm too young to be this cynical, that i'm whatever. Well either I'm revolting or I'm putting out some kind of vibe that says *damaged* *damaged* *run run run* or the universe is messing with me. I don't think it's the vibe and noone I know will admit that I have said vibe so I've decided to blame the universe.

Not exactly blame.

More like assume that something unexpected is on its way down the road. I hope this won't turn out to be a prophetic statement in a negative way, that would irritate the shit out of me. I keep thinking I'm supposed to be unencumbered so that I can do whatever it is i'm supposed to do. Like I have a Fate or a Destiny or a Task or something. And then I feel like the largest egotistical deluded moron ever.

And then I post it to the internet.


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