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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Saturday, July 09, 2005

so much to think about, so little to say

I feel the little black thoughts coming... the ones that creep in in little rivulets of black goo like that black oil from the later seasons of the X-Files. Just a smidgen here and a smidgen there and suddenly you're just not your usual happy self.

if only they weren't so insidious...

Today this can most likely be explained by the fact that I taught a class at a studio I don't usually teach at followed directly by a certification exam upon which I believe I did very well. I don't; however, think that my class went half as well as my exam. I think I was scattered and lacked focus which I DO NOT like. I'm supposed to be good at this dammit.

And I am, it's just that I'm destroyed from teaching giant classes. I've sort of lost the talent for finding the right class for a tiny group. I think I was probably distracted by test also but that's no excuse. Ah well... win some... lose more. I'll just go take a group class and remind myself how a good one goes. Hope I get another shot!

I just feel like there's something I'm missing. Something in the way that I teach that just doesn't quite jive with the students. I see some of them ... the ones who need this work the most.. just shake their heads and leave and I know that I've lost them and I don't know why...

Now I've seen this happen to my favourite teacher... i've seen the people I thought most needed her be turned off by her. So it can't just be me... but still there's a ring of truth with her and I used to have it and I feel that I've lost it.

Hopefully now that I'm not studying for a certification exam I can go back to learning how to BE a teacher. :)

Off to sleep, hope to be cheerier in the morning.


Blogger stoned.nerd said...

hey thanks for the link and the kind words there as well.

tomorrow's a better day. cheers :)

7/10/2005 10:30:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

you're welcome.

and you're right, today is in fact a much better day. I'm so tired from climbing that I can hardly type!


7/10/2005 07:21:00 PM  

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