approach with caution

.
i've been informed that i need to girly up if i want to get some action in the guy department. like put on mascara and dress more softly and somehow be less confident.

which to me feels like lying. i mean some tight jeans okay, i've always been into the tight jeans... and getting some clothing that i pick instead of some hand me downs and fat girl stuff will also help. (Because I actually like the occasional skirt even though I own none of them...)

but.

just how far do i take this image reconstruction? yeah i want to look hot for sure but do i want to start wearing mascara? lipstick?

being an actual girl instead of a tomboy?

and don't think i don't know *exactly* how to put on the warpaint kids cause well, i do.

and don't think i don't know what high heels are for cause again, yeah, i do.

and i've done the totally girly thing. i was a rocker chick for crying out loud. full makeup, less slutty than the other girls by .1% or so, enormous hair, boots or stilettos, blah blah blah...

i learned a lot from that, mostly that putting on makeup and doing your hair takes a lot of time and that I am an extremely busy person. i also learned that it didn't really accomplish anything.

at least now i look like myself. comfy and casual with just a touch of elegance around the edges. enough to swank up with the best of them. sort of like my table manners [actually those can choose to be impecabble if i wish.]

i drive an old car, i live in a small apartment, i have old clothes and some cats... and apparently an edge and too much confidence. [too much confidence? WHAT the FUCK?!?!?]

apparently i should soften my edge... but i don't feel like i have an edge at all. Apparently I do because I can wear a jean jacket with a hoodie under it. Never underestimate the power of poverty for giving you the ability to wear anything. but i digress. the point is that apparently i'm edgy... which is why people don't fuck with me or approach me.

but people fuck with me all the time.

and i'm not approachable.

the mind boggles.

here i thought i was outgoing, cheerful, friendly, easy to talk to and no, i'm intimidating.

what the fuck? no really... what the fuck.

because i've been suspicious for a while that it really is about having perfect hair and nice makeup and dressing girly... but i thought to myself 'self, you don't really want a guy that's preoccupied with those things, in fact you want a guy who wants a girl who's independent and capable...' but i don't see any of those anywhere and i'm getting kinda lonely.

And traditionally I really have been the girl that the guys hang out with. Yeah, I'm the one they talk to about the girls they like.

I do know lots of women who dress sort of like me and do the no makeup thing... but they're tiny and I think that makes a difference.

What I can't figure out is this. At what point does changing your look become a lie? I mean every time you buy new clothing or shoes or get your hair cut you're changing your look. And everytime you gain/lose weight or muscle up you're changing your look there too. And yet somehow with the makeup it feels like lying.

It doesn't feel like lying when I'm going to a swanky do of course. Or even when I'm going to an upscale restaurant and I have to dress up. It does feel like lying to put on mascara before I go climbing.

Why is that I wonder? Is it because I know that if I actually start dating someone I will very quickly revert to my no makeup and casual hair self? Or is it that I've made not wearing makeup into some kind of statement of independence from traditional female roles? (says the woman who TEACHES PILATES! *snerk*)

I know damm well that if I put on mascara my eyes pop and my lips get redder... so why don't I do it? It only takes a second right? In fact I may just try it for a week or two but then my eyes will start to itch and my eyelashes will get stiff and unhappy and the mascara will disappear back into the old makeup bag...

so i put it to y'all... do you think it's true? do you think a woman who is confident and capable and yes tall and sorta hot is too intimidating? and should she care? because really, if i'm too scary to talk to do i really want to date you? [and never fear, i get silly and giggly when approached by a man out of the blue... so i *can* flirt... i just seem to turn them into beer buddies somehow...]

advice?
thoughts?
comments?