on men and fitness and being a picky bitch

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I thought that a friend of mine was going to blog about this and I was going to wait to see what he had to say before I did this but I don't wait well so I'm going to go after it.

For the last 5 years I've been going after my own health. On December 21st I will have been a non tobacco smoker for 5 years and right about now is my three year anniversary with the Pilates transformation. Had I not had my accident I would be hitting 5 years of climbing in May but instead I just broke a year. Beyond that I've been involved in some form of athletics for basically my entire life.

So. Yes, there was a year long hiatus from said health kick after my accident (although i managed not to pick up the tobacco again) which involved eating a lot of really unhealthful food because it really was so much easier than cooking and smoking enormous amounts of pot for the pain. [I would basically go into spasm if I stood up long enough to cook anything.] If you discount that year though I've been at this for a long time. I took a major setback but my healthy self came back kicking once I was given the tools to fix my body.

When the accident happened I had a boyfriend. Now it's been well over two years since I had a boyfriend so I've had a lot of time to think about what I need and want... and you know what? Fitness turns out to be something that's really important to me.

Important enough that I consider it a dealbreaker.

I am not, for the record, saying 'thou shalt be skinny' or even 'thou shalt have a body like an Olympic athlete' or even 'thou shalt carry very little body fat and lots of muscle' ... I am saying none of those things. I am saying none of those things *because* I don't give a shit how sheathed in muscle your body is or how low your body fat is or even how much you can bench.

What I give a shit about is fitness. Exercise. A healthy enough diet. Not smoking. Giving a shit about your *self* and your body. Because here's the thing... I spend an enormous percentage of my life exercising or teaching exercise to people and I want to date someone who will actually find that interesting.

More than that I'd like him to be someone that either a) shares one of my seventeen forms of exercise with me or b) is passionate enough about a sport/activity that me spending three nights a week at a climbing gym with other men won't bother him.

Too many times I've gotten involved with slothful men and fallen off my own fitness train and I just refuse to do that again. More than that my body cannot afford for me to slack off because it's still just as broken as it ever was if I don't maintain it.

On top of that I know for certain that what I eat and what my dating person eats have an enormous amount in common because one of the major activities people share with each other is meals. Ideally I would date a vegetarian but otherwise someone who is careful about the food that enters their body or is at least willing to pay attention and to eat healthily with me would be nice.

So here's the thing. If I were saying that I needed a man to be funny or intelligent or compassionate or sparky with me noone would think twice about it. But somehow when you start discussing physical fitness and diet people start calling you shallow.

Oh you're only into X because he's hot.
Oh you're just into his muscles.
Yeah but does he have a brain?

And that brings to mind another pet peeve. This idea that athletes are stupid. This is one of the most enormous fallacies that I have ever encountered. Why? Because the VAST majority of professional athletes that I know, trained with, knew, went to school with, train, etc are really intelligent people.

You can't possibly be a good hockey player and be stupid and you definetely can't be a great one without a brain. Nobody talks about Gretzky's speed (although he was fast as hell) instead they talk about his rink and puck awareness. That's brains and not brawn.

The same can be said for any truly competent athlete because the amount of thought that goes into something as 'simple' as front crawl or a forward somersault or a tendu [dance term] is unbelievable to the lay person. We think about the direction our pinky finger is pointed and the exact angle of an elbow as it combines with whatever is happening in your left big toe.

And if you think i'm exaggerating for effect I'm REALLY REALLY not. In fact I'm underplaying just how much work goes into any one of those moves.

Okay that was a bit of a side rant but this assumption that people are stupid if they're jocks or worse that someone who trained 30 hours a week for YEARS is a 'natural' athlete rather enrages me.

So back to the point of the post. Is it in fact shallow to put fitness as a dealbreaker in your what you will and won't date planning? Is it any less shallow to want a sense of humour? Brains? Compassion? Awareness?

Why is it that when you discuss physical attributes you're shallow but when discussing mental ones you're 'appropriately picky' or whatever?