thoughts

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so i'm just going to assume that everyone reading this post has read my last few posts... most specifically "ouch" because that post brought up some thoughts and yeah i'm a gonna share them.

you guys make it really hard NOT to be honest.

first of all i stupendously appreciate the outpouring of people telling me that i'm brave and courageous and that i have somehow touched them or made them think.

i especially appreciate the stories people shared in email and comments about how such things had affected them... although i was hoping for more of them because maybe someone else has insight into this crap that i don't have. or a suggestion for how to make the conversation easier for myself and for the man that i have to have the conversation with.

because it is, if nothing else, a bomb. in fact i wrote a poem once... which has disappeared into the annals of usenet now... about this very thing because i had just had the conversation with a very nice man who i then elected not to sleep with. I still don't know why i didn't sleep with him, he was an excellent guy if young and he wasn't particularly put off by my STD.

Ah well, that was like nine or ten years ago now so i'm guessing it doesn't matter.

Anyway i was really surprised at the effect this post actually had on folks. it was both more and less than i expected somehow. hrm that doesn't sound like what i mean...

i did not expect so many people telling me that they admired and respected me all the more than they already had... and i didn't realise how many of you thought i was as awesome as you clearly do. i was surprised at some notable absences from my comments section. i was really suprised at how few of you have experience with sexually transmitted diseases and i was pleasantly surprised at the lack of judgement displayed in the comments.

not to mention? i still can't believe that i posted that!
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just got back from the farm where i spent a fantastic weekend with my sister and her new boyfriend. this is an excellent guy y'all. he's considerate in this really cool and effortless way that speaks to his nature rather than to his trying to impress my sister or myself. i'm pretty sure it's real anyway since he is the same way with everyone. calm, considerate and funny as hell.

not to mention? at least as smart as she is!

don't knock how hard it is to find someone with a brain that matches yours... because it's well and truly difficult.

anyway i like the guy and i find him really easy to hang out with and i know one thing for certain. even if the two of them don't manage to work out as a couple she will have a much better handle on how to spot a man who is actually nice rather than pretending to be nice until he hooks her. and maybe so will i!
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got a new windshield today so that's two down on my list of the five things i need to do to my car as soon as i can afford it. now it's oil pan, clutch, tranny and then done done done. shut up, i know that cars are never all the way fixed but this list has been niggling for close to a year in it's entirety and some parts for a couple of years before that.

also? it's nice not to have a major structural weakness looking you in the face every time you enter your vehicle.

it's nice to know that some tiny rock isn't nearly as likely to shatter my windshield in my passengers' face than it was.
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i'm jealous that bubbles broke the 300 comment mark.

what? aren't you?
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salt is around again which means that i have to take my askingoutus interruptus and put it back on the front burner. get it all nice and warmed up so i'm ready when i see him again.

*nervous tummy flutter*

i have to say that asking someone out is about a hundred times easier online than it is in person. in person they can see your face when they say no. [notice that i choose to assume he'll say no] AND in this case it's someone that i will most definetely see again on something like a weekly basis.

cause yeah, that sure makes it easier.
not.

if it was online i could just ask and then disappear forever from his corner of the internet... but no, i'm going to see him again regularly. this is almost, but not quite, enough to make me never do it.

note i said not quite...

i have decided on a policy though. always assume they'll say no. that way one can only be pleasantly surprised. this also goes well with my pessimistic outlook on life. always assume the worst will happen, that way the surprises are always good and the shit is always expected.

well nearly always.

car accidents really do sneak up on you.