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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Monday, November 14, 2005

and now for something completely different

no really... learn to like it or he won't get as turned on.


use your hand and your mouth


spiral your hand


more base, less tip

a lot of women go fast too fast

stopping for a kiss is a nice tease but don't forget to spiral

get over your gag reflex

no, get over it.


please handle the boys, they like it.


no not even that.

really, no teeth.

be creative



in case you haven't noticed i had an interesting conversation this evening whereupon i got tips on giving a blow job from three gay men. i was glad to see that i knew the majority of this already from cosmo.

mostly one gay man actually. the other two nodded a lot!

anyway i decided it was my sworn duty to humanity to pass this stuff on. and i put in the obvious to me ones anyway.

also there's a thing. with your mouth. where (damn this is a ridiculous something to attempt to put into words) you basically move your tongue one way and your soft palate the other way and you kind of um... pulse your mouth without moving your head.

apparently this is a deal breaker pretty quickly *grin*

have a lovely night y'all :)


two things:

.must find someone to try a couple of things on

.i am VERY behind on my email and will be back to visiting friends' blogs in a day or two although i will maintain my own... blondie and lsd are the only two people i know that i don't owe email to at the moment. so suck it up, i have other friends *giggling*


Blogger Johnny Canuck said...

Lots of deep truths there Sass, once again.
I have to say that a lot of gals really overdo it on the hand side of things. During my most recent escapade my ladyfriend had of hold of me like she was throttling a poisonous snake!! No swirl, nothing!! Squeezed all the life out of the thing. Ouch.
Beware handling the boys, as well. I've come out of shenanigans feeling like I'd been kneed in the yahoos due to overzealous boy-fondling. Do not grip them tightly and roll them around like they are Chinese massage balls!!
I mean, I'm not ungrateful, far from it. It's always really nice to be blown, but it loses some of the fun when you need an icepack afterwards.

11/14/2005 01:20:00 AM  
Blogger R. U. Serious said...

One thing to ignore that both Cosmo and the gay guys tend to tell you. Really, your guy does not want a finger jabbed up his ass. If he does, he'll let you know.

Cosmo seems to have a thing about fingers and asses.

11/14/2005 01:57:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

Amen to no teeth. It's a freaking penis, not gum.

11/14/2005 05:07:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

hey..some guys like a little teeth...not like full on grazing...but a little bit

and you forgot:

always mind the stepchildren ;)

11/14/2005 06:55:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

yeah, a little teeth dragging is good, but it's not a frigging ear of corn for chrissakes!

I don't want to sound like a pig, but practice makes perfect!

11/14/2005 07:01:00 AM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

Interesting post from you Sass. Consider me informed.

11/14/2005 08:46:00 AM  
Blogger othercat said...

This is quite the public service announcement. I'm intrigued by the tongue/soft palate trick. I think I know it, but I should try it out to make sure.

As for minding the boys, you've got to be gentle. They like it, but they are sensitive guys.

11/14/2005 08:55:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

johnny: yeah that's what gay guy number one said too!

buttah: i thought that about the teeth too but i've been informed that it's a myth that anyone likes that

rus: yeah, i figure if someone likes their asshole played with they'll tell you.. and so far that's the way to bet :)

othercat: *snicker*

11/14/2005 09:02:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Not that it was new but a reminder is always good :) hehehe


11/14/2005 09:38:00 AM  
Blogger Light Strikes A Deal said...

You know Sass,

Don't get me wrong here. I think what you have attempted to do with this post is noble and benificial to all sexes and and genders, and will likely do more to spread positive energies and good will than the end of lent. But its a penis. Its like OS 10, very user friendly. No manual required.

Perhaps a post about the fine art of eating pussy would be equally benificial and prudent at this time. The penis doesn't hold many secrets. It just screams "Whatever.... I'm gettin' off! The vagina on the other hand, thats one mysterious oraphis.

11/14/2005 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...


Jesus, I responded on Friday!!!!


11/14/2005 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

What is up with Cosmo always writing about jabbing stuff up people's asses anyway???

11/14/2005 10:43:00 AM  
Blogger R. U. Serious said...

What do you expect when you have a magazine giving women advice on pleasing straight men, but written by women and gay men?

11/14/2005 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

"blondie and lsd are the only two people i know that i don't owe email to at the moment. so suck it up, i have other friends *giggling*" <---- in other words... everything nice is owed an email by sassinak *grin*

nat: well apparently a lot of women *think* that they give good head *grin*

lsd: perhaps you're the sort who actually TELLS a woman what you like? not many men are.

as for eating pussy... i think maybe bubbles should do that post? and remember YOU think vaginas are mysterious... to me they make perfect sense. kind of like women and penii (penises?) [orifice]

phoenix: no freaking idea

rus: i think you might have the right of it!

11/14/2005 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

*jumping on doing the pussy eating post*

Sorry Sass- I uh, guess I read that wrong... but I was nervous because we had power outages on Friday... hence, the worry.

I don't like Cosmo, because most of the women that read it or write the articles would never stick anything up someones ass.

I said MOST of the women, not all.

11/14/2005 01:07:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

bubbles: yay! i'll link it!

yeah i got that from your mail that i haven't answered yet. i'm at least a week behind to johnny, i think he's the worst right now but yeah i have to catch up!!!

working too much too

cosmo actually advocates gently touching his asshole. they have not, to my recollection, suggested sticking things in it :)

11/14/2005 01:48:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

*shakes her head in amazement at how many guys just can't eat-out worth a shit*

you men think we need help? jesus christ....most guys are completely lost down there.....and it's way easier than giving head. no hands really required....just some kind of sense for where the goddamn clitoris is.

(it's the one with the barbell right above it....yea...and uhh you still miss it. bastard men)

11/14/2005 01:51:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

elle: oh man i *know*

first of all 'harder harder harder'?? does NOT WORK!

second: IF we're making happy noises don't fucking stop

third: fingers are good, jamming is not :)

yeah at least we can FIND a fucking penis... i think the problem is that women tend to need a far more delicate touch than men so we all do what we like ourselves to each other...

oh i want to get a barbell there but i can't...

11/14/2005 02:45:00 PM  
Blogger curious said...

yeehaahh sass!!

you rock for starting this one!!!

enthusiasm....i think this is a key that goes both ways...time to climax can be cut in 1/2 with me if the guy is really "into" what he's doing...

**just re-read your post thinking of women**...actually almost all of your steps work both ways, except handling the boys...nope change that to breasts and that works too...too funny!

Why is it that we (both sexes) assume faster automatically leads to climaxing faster??? (Is this a porn industry side effect?) This awesome post is a great reminder that timing, rhythm, and real *enthusiasm* is the way to go!

11/14/2005 04:35:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

sass...I've been frequently heard to say that the only reason I haven't got a hood piercing is the length of time that requires me to go without sex afterwards.

Much as I'm convinced it would be worth it in the long run, I'm a short term kinda gal when it comes to that kinda thing n' I've never been known to willingly give up sex for that long.

In terms of no hands necessary...I disagree most vehemently. ;)

11/14/2005 04:39:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

2 weeks of no sex isn't horrible.....all that it takes to heal

11/14/2005 04:54:00 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

Buttah~Ouch! I'm cringng just thinking of it.

11/14/2005 05:01:00 PM  
Blogger othercat said...

I'm not too crazy about things being stuck up or near my bum. We could all learn a lot by talking to our partners about what turns them on. Imagine getting it directly from the source instead of from a book or magazine. About the only thing you should stuff up your arse is Cosmopolitan, figuratively speaking of course.

Cosmo is a great purveyor of misinformation that causes a lot of women to have negative body image issues. No real women I've ever met look like the models on the cover. If I ever met one of those chicks, I'd invite her over for dinner just so I could show her what food looks like.

"Get your finger away from my arse, you scrawny thing!"

11/14/2005 05:04:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

If I ever met one of those chicks, I'd invite her over for dinner just so I could show her what food looks like.

Damn you, OC, you owe me a new keyboard! That is too true.

I'm with you on the arse stuff, my doc wanted to do an exam and I told her that dying was easier to deal with. She sort of laughed.

People will communicate on virtually anything but sex stuff still is taboo to a lot of people. Come on, open up the windows or turn on the lights! This isn't the 1600s.

11/14/2005 05:15:00 PM  
Blogger Light Strikes A Deal said...

da buttah-
No! Not even an arguement. We don't complain. We don't think that woman "need help". I haven't heard a single man complain about a bad blow job in these comments. Women think women need help. There are no how to lick clit articles that we can find at the check out counter OK.
Your lack of pleasure is in direct relation to your lack of communication (as a sexual being, male or female). Write it down.
Eating pussy wasn't covered in health 101. I've been fortunate and had some woman tell me what exactly they like in the past. And yes I tell them what I like as well. Damn, we have a good time testing this new information. The people that don't say anything can go on feeling repressed and unfulfilled, blaming the other sex for there lack of sensitivity on matters that are so blatently obvious, while they mastubate alone at night.

"Yeah, at least we can find the penis." This is your defense? Look, Fact..... the penis finds you. Unless someone is really unlucky or has bad vision, you won't miss it when the penis takes the stage. However, in my experience, when I'm eating pussy, the clit has never simply found me. No, there was some work involved (like a treasure hunt). One thing that the porn industry has done that I appreciate, is make "keeping it neat" a trendy and accepted practace (for both sexes). Finding the clit is a lot easier and more fun without rooting through a face full of moistened puebs.
Also, if a guy stops to soon, its not because he's bored and doesn't want you to cum. It because with all the dramatic racket that your making, he assumes that you must have cum already. A simple, "Don't stop" between cries of extacy will keep him lickin' your pussy till the sun rises.

A little secret for the ladies: Guy's really really, love to get their ladies off. We'll do anything you ask us to, just to get you off. It gets us off to see you cum.

11/14/2005 05:24:00 PM  
Blogger curious said...

LSD: maybe you can find what you're looking for in "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" by Ian Kerner...haven't read it but I'm thinking about buying it for a err "friend" that is pissing me off lately...

11/14/2005 06:00:00 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

*gives sass an A+ for her oral report*

11/14/2005 06:06:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Damn Puritans!

11/14/2005 06:19:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

wow...so you mean that wasn't a "how to please your woman" article i just read in men's health?

fuck me!

you poor men LSD..nothing but your blind faith and "good intentions" to guide you.

11/14/2005 06:32:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Seriously, LSD - whoa dude, who hit the sensitive spot with ya?


And uh, if you're doing it right... my clit WILL find you. And why tell us to stop? I mean, isn't it all about you wanting to hear us moan and etc.?

Uhhh, YEAH... just keep going... and instead of assuming I just came, keep going... and let me get 2 or 3 orgasms in on ya.. I mean sheesh, why stop at one?

K, another subject:

Yes, penis finds me. Thank god, or else I'd have to depend on guys that stop with the oral too soon.

and wtf? Cosmo advocated touching gently?!?!?

LMFAO... no seriously wait a moment.... recovery... *wiping tears*

gently touching.. NICE. Did they also advocate washing of hands afterwards? Contrary to popular belief (far contrary), there are those men who like teeth and finger... so Buttah isn't shitting you there. HA SHITTING YOU!

No lie, some men like the teeth...

Okay, with that said I will commence with Pussy eating 101 I guess since well, You'll link it.

11/14/2005 06:42:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...


What the fuck? It's not like I'm talking about spaghetti here darlin.

I forgot to add that 'soft palate thing' is fucking AWESOME.

And uh, Curious... are you a man or a woman? Either way you used work both ways and caught my attention.

Okay, Im done

11/14/2005 06:58:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

da buttah-

I was told 6 weeks-3 months. 3 months sounded a bit off to me, honestly, since that's soft tissue and that stuff tends to heal quickly.

That said, 6 weeks is standard after childbirth and I know from experience that tenderness can continue for a while longer.

Hell, I was supposed to go 3 weeks without giving head when I got my tongue pierced (I THINK I managed that...) and muscles heal fastest of all.

All the same, even 2 weeks sounds a bit tricky to me. That's a lot of sex to give up! ;)

Still, perhaps I'll reinvestigate when funds allow. Probably get my tattoo finished first too. Nothing quite like having 2/3rds of a back piece done for really highlighting one's penchant for procrastination. ;)

11/14/2005 07:59:00 PM  
Blogger Primate Buddy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/14/2005 08:26:00 PM  
Blogger Primate Buddy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/14/2005 08:51:00 PM  
Blogger grainne said...

I swear to you, I had this conversation years ago with my favorite gay man in the world but there was one question I had then…. that I still have today. Why the hell are straight women having to get oral sex advise from their gay male friends? Why can’t the man who I am on my knees in front of, the man who has his hand wrapped tightly in my hair, decide that he can tell me what he likes / doesn’t like? Is it fear that women won’t take a little constructive criticism and we will get all bitchy and withhold future sessions while we sit bored in gridlock traffic? I tend to be pretty vocal about what I like and don’t like…if being vocal doesn’t work…I can resort to a demonstration! Sure some men can’t follow oral or written directions to save their soul but most men can watch and learn how something is done. It is as simple as opening his mouth to get what he really wants out of my open mouth!

Not to mention, a little feedback is always good….grunts, groans, growling, talking are HUGE turn ons…just don’t jokingly put a beer can on the top of my head as I entertain you while you watch football or I am going to bite you ~L~. Open your mouth and tell me what you want….that penis doesn’t come with personalized directions! If I can hack up a hairball from time to time and not complain…the least a man can do is tell me what he likes and doesn’t like.

As for Como…I think that rag has done a great deal to damage the self esteem of women. I quit reading it years ago…it seemed everything was about how to land a man, how to please a man, the most attractive way to do your hair and makeup in order to attract men or giving women unrealistic physical images of other women that most everyday Jane on the street can never measure up to.

My friend and I now sit around watching old episodes of Queer as Folk and lusting after the cast – we both want to do Brian! Since neither of us are having sex and are starting to feel like we are never going to have sex with anyone ever again…talking about sex is about as good as it gets. I keep telling him, if we could find one really good bisexual male…we could share him and have the best of both worlds!

11/14/2005 09:08:00 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

Changing underwear after reading Primate Buddy's instructions. Wow!

Some guys like to have the spot between their boys and their ass rubbed lightly. This works especially well in a 69 position because you are looking right at it. Although it is hard for both to concentrate while being pleasured.

11/14/2005 09:36:00 PM  
Blogger othercat said...

Why the hell are straight women having to get oral sex advise from their gay male friends?

Most straight men can talk about how much they enjoy oral sex. More will talk about how nice it would be to get some more. Some men I know have even written songs about it. But talking about the nitty gritty details of how to deal with an excited human penis is another story. The intricacies of fellatio are a mysterious thing to some, and most people, while being avid practitioners and recipients would rather not talk about it like it's a clinical thing.

Gay men, on the other hand, are some of the least hung up people when it comes to the subject of sex, because sexuality is a fundamental component of the gay identity.

11/14/2005 09:52:00 PM  
Blogger Primate Buddy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/14/2005 11:12:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...


I suspect that, in addition to Othercat's words, it's one thing to know that someone or another "gives good head" or "doesn't" but it's an entirely different thing to verbalize exactly why.

It would seem to me (as a mostly-straight woman) that both possessing external genetalia AND having experience fellating puts gay men in a unique position to advise.

11/14/2005 11:22:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

okay i'm over 20 comments behind on my OWN post!

this is AWESOME!

11/15/2005 12:07:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

who the hell deleted a comment on my blog?


primate buddy: wow. did you want to add or remove anything before i post that as a guest blog entry?? [i would add a mention that women stay lubed up and wet a LOT longer after orgasms than they do before... also that if she pushes you off you may be able to revisit the subject with EXTREME gentleness immediately or very shortly]

jenn: you too huh?

mightydoll: that's exactly how it goes. you see i have this friend who insists that men give the best head because they own penises. i say there's no reason an enthusiastic woman can't learn how. he says she has no idea how it feels inside. so yeah, i figure wtf, if a gay guy wants to dish how to give head i'm going to have a listen. and you know what? the things he said made a lot of sense to me so i decided share. .. and i hate to admit that i learned something.

i hate admitting i don't know things it pisses me off.

and you know what? it's exactly what othercat said. most guys are more like 'yeah yeah' if they like what you're doing and otherwise they're sorta quietly stewing and when you ask them for advice (cause like my buttons aren't the same as every other woman and neither are his...) they are so afraid you'll STOP fellating them because you've suddenly decided that they think that you give bad head that they'll say "oh you give great blow jobs" because even bad head is better than none.

curious: rhythm! you said it! have some rhythm... if you don't got none find the music that gets her to sorta grind without noticing and play that. then play along.

lsd: johnny complained early on

doll: actually the genitals are the fastest healing part of the body. tongue is second :)

bubbles: well, i can confirm that you are correct about some men and fingers. i'm assuming you knew the soft palate thing already *grin*

you guys are awesome, i wish i'd been here during the fun but i went climbing instead and SENT MY FUCKING PROBLEM [killed that bitch dead]. i need to find a computer between 4 and 11pm on mondays somehow. spoken like a true addict that.

for the record. i don't read cosmo. i did as a teenager and i learned a lot. i've discarded a lot too :) that said, cosmo tells you things like 'ask your partner' or 'tell your partner' or try this gently or firmly.. it sorta gives you a guide to experimentation. i'm not saying it's the bible but there are a lot of people out there who need the help. lucky everyone here isn't one of them :P I was once, it's not like i had any friends to ask.

11/15/2005 12:35:00 AM  
Blogger gigi said...

my # 1 tip is you have to enjoy the entire experience. The way a guy's penis feels in your hands, the way it feesl on your tongue, in your mought,the taste the smell you have to enjoy EVERYTHING!
Otherwise why bother.

11/15/2005 12:38:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

gigi: i think you're totally right

if you're not into it then why are you doing it?

11/15/2005 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger gigi said...

yep! Life lesson, right there!

11/15/2005 02:57:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

damn and so it is!

way to notice :)

11/15/2005 03:05:00 PM  
Blogger curious said...

why bother?... how 'bout practice makes perfect or just plain exercise? it's better than running in the cold an it's a full contact sport...granted this is not my approach to sex all the time but it's working lately...I really hate running in the cold!

11/15/2005 04:40:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

curious i've tried to do that in the past but i'm just not the sort that can do it, i am an avid believer in sex as sport but it turns out i feel icky in the morning *shrug* so not for me i guess. i'm very restrained about who i choose to sleep with although i was not so in my younger days.

but i'm not into running *grin*

i'm glad you're getting some anyway :)

11/15/2005 11:56:00 PM  
Blogger Primate Buddy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/15/2005 11:57:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

yup you really get a guest spot. do you have a day of the week preference?

okay i won't change it although i will add a couple of notes at the end. pretty much as i mentioned above :)

i used to think i was like that ex of yours but then this lovely man *fond remembering smile* was like 'trust me' and he started to touch me like lighter than a feather and dude... the rest of the night is sort of blurry.

and yeah, if we play enough that i'm lubed but i didn't come i'll stay wet for ten maybe 15 minutes at the outside... but if i come first? well, that's just way way more fun for everyone involved. [not that a quickie ever hurt anyone...]

i think it's hilarious that you're a neighbourhood porn star. did anyone claim to have seen you?

did it sort of turn you on?

11/16/2005 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger Primate Buddy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/16/2005 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

buddy i think voyeur watch and exhibitionists show...?

i'm a closet exhibitionist but there isn't much voyeur in me... :)

people could also have been getting to know you but it's more fun to think they saw you... :)

11/16/2005 06:09:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

never had an orgasm from a blowjob. lots of girls have tried and all have failed. Which sucks (no pun intended) because girls tend to take that personally.

I am addicted to giving oral sex (women only, sorry guys). The hardest part is not finding the clit, but keeping it from running away and hiding. I like to keep the labia spread apart with my baby fingers, and use the ends of my thumbs to hold the clit in place. This also allows me to rub a bit with my thumbs during tongue breaks.

my ex-fiance convinced me to let her insert something. I felt like I was in the middle of taking a crap. never again

1/24/2006 07:47:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

mike: well, as a woman who has a HELL of a hard time getting a guy to uh... shoot with her mouth i think that i would consider it liberating to know that it wasn't possible. then i could play to my heart's content with absolutely no pressure. it's not like other parts of me aren't perfectly competent.

uh... your technique sounds um... excellent.

yeah i don't get that whole insert something thing either. it jsut doesn't seem like the right end. no offence to the homosexuals in the room.

1/24/2006 10:54:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I think that is something that would be nice maybe, to have that done just for play. I think that maybe part of the reason I haven't ever finished yet is just that I have some mental block due to expectations, and to not have to worry about that... who knows, maybe that's the key. I know that I had the same problem with "hand-jobs" until someone managed it and since then it's not been a problem.

As far as my "technique", I get as much enjoyment out of it as you would.. well maybe not as much, but a whole lot. It would be wonderful to watch you squirm and...

1/25/2006 06:53:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

i know that over the years i've lost my taste for fellatio because i always felt so much pressure to actually accomplish something that it took all the fun out of it.

i used to love to just play with them with my mouth and my hands and tease and play and so on. then somewhere along the line i noticed this pressure to 'get him off' and suddenly it became work.

i suspect that your mental block and my mental block are related *grin* ... that said, i recall that it took several men before one managed the trick with me and that it became a lot easier to orgasm with people after that. so yeah the first time is probably the hardest.

it's funny actually, i think that for men that really love women the act of getting us to squirm and moan is almost more fun than the whole intercourse thing. :)

1/25/2006 08:14:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

Because I know that I have difficulty finishing through fellatio, I have lost a lot of my enjoyment of it. I think of it now as just a way to get me ready when I'm not. I would absolutely love to finish that way, but I've accepted that I likely won't ever. But so long as a girl is enjoying doing it, I can't say that I don't enjoy it too...

As for giving, there are so many mysterious little parts down there that each like to be played with in their own way... clits like almost everything (in doses), labia just like to be acknowledged, and the opening prefers long licking strokes and some sucking.

You are right about watching a woman squirm. In fact I gain the most pleasure from giving pleasure. Even during sex, if the woman isn't enjoying it I am not either.

1/25/2006 05:15:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

yeah i can totally sympathise with that. there was a guy who i never did have an o with and he used to try and try and it used to stress me out so much that of course nothing ever happened.

uh i've found that if you get him to help a little around the edges thinks work out okay :)

uh do you find that to be true of every woman or just some? i would have thought we were all pretty different?

i don't get people who can enjoy sex that their partner clearly isn't into.

just don't.

2/03/2006 12:13:00 AM  

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