my name is sassinak and i am a crushoholic

[started earlier when sober and proofread now]
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so i'm waiting for hubris who was due half an hour ago AND whose phone is ringing busy. this sucks because i'm fucking starving and we're supposed to have dinner. at what point does it become rude for me to go out and eat?

i know i say this a lot but seriously, the quality of comment i get on my blog blows me away. blows me away. i can't believe how thoughtful and insightful and creative and funny y'all are. and that you choose to share that here?

don't ever think I don't appreciate it!

so i have another humdinger for y'all. No wait, *I* think it's a humdinger which may mean that noone but me gives a shit and may mean that 100 new folks will come out of the woodwork to comment *grin*

[fuck i'm HUNGRY!]

several of my friends are currently recovering from smushed hearts... and most of them are doing okay at this point but it's been a helluva few months around here. it's funny because all of these smushings were due or overdue and in some cases the smushee may have been the half of the couple that *isn't* my friend.

this past year i myself have been in recovery from about three crushes and a best friend split. currently i'm investigating crush possibility number four but i'm not holding out a lot of hope on the viability of this one. not enough questions about *me* when we talk if that makes any sense.

i mean doesn't he know that he at least has to display a modicum of interest for me to get all ridiculous and crushy about him? hasn't he been told?

i have noticed that some things are universal. people definetely get a little miserable and testy just before, during and immediately after a split. drinking and other intoxicant consumption increases. tendency to stare at walls and be miserable triples and the ease of sharing space with them diminishes.

i think that when people are miserable they tend to be a little bit like emotional vampires. i mean i know that *I* sure am!

i don't think that they mean to and i certainly don't begrudge the friends that have been going through such things their focus on their own misery. when you're in hell it sort of tends to be all consuming.

hrm... same thing with love actually.

i guess beginnings and endings are like love and hate... flip sides of the same coin.

so when i'm in recovery or miserable i tend to do things like:
. hide all photographic evidence
. eat
. return all stuff i'm not keeping as a souvenir
. drink
. if they have a blog i stop reading it
. avoid them
. eat
. hang out with my friends and commisserate
. smoke pot
. drink
. watch tv
. look maudlin
. eat
. write in my blog (since i got one anyway)
. take them out of lists
. drink
. did i mention drink?

what are your personal recovery tricks after you've had your hearts stomped? Okay maybe not even when you got stomped... maybe even when you did the dumping... or when you just have/had a crush you want/need to get over... or when you just drifted away after years together... or... or... whatever you get the idea.

i'm even interested in how you recover if/when you split up with your best friend and stop hanging out. [no i don't mean sex partner i mean best pal]

but what do you do after that list(or during that if you aren't me)? when you've tried all of your regular coping mechanisms and you're if anything MORE miserable?

[stop it i'm not talking about my own mood or anyone you know... okay well parts of this post apply to my current mental status but not necessarily the bits you're worrying about... but i heart you for worrying!]

i know that time heals all wounds... and i know that pot heals the rest. but the truth is that i have a couple of former flames that *still* haunt me. and it's not usually the ones where we had an actual relationship because i can sort of look at them and go 'ah yeah... that's why we split up' it's more the near misses or the false starts or the starts that went sideways. okay those last two are the same thing.

anyway... i can't be the only one here with lingering stuff... what do you do to keep it out of your life? and still wanting to know what you do when the wounds are fresher as well

:)