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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


so i have a dilemma...

i have gotten the kind of busy where i actually have to choose between visiting my friends' blogs and writing my own and i don't know what i should do because i love y'all and i really like to read what you have to say BUT if i do that i don't actually have time to post to my own and y'all seem to really *like* my blog.

so i thought i would leave it up to you guys to tell me in the comments what your preferences are. i *think* that you would prefer that i blog but i may be wrong.

then there's this guy at the gym. that i think i actually like... and we hang out often when we're both there and he suggests things that we will do together like next year. but i'm pretty sure he's not into me *that* way because he's like too honest or something. or too abrupt or... i don't really have the words but there doesn't seem to be any sexual preening or hunting or whatever going on.

i mean he clearly likes me, thinks i'm cool, enjoys my company and likes to climb with me but i don't believe that he *wants* me. that said, i'm considering the phrase 'so i think i might be interested in you and i was wondering if you would like to get to know each other better as a possible precursor to dating' or something like that.

i don't know if i should bother though since we're hanging out anyway and he seems amenable to after climbing activities.

course he probably thinks that i'm too tall for him anyway.

i'm currently spending 750 bucks a month on my apartment AND 650 bucks a month to rent space in a Pilates studio. I do not have ANY savings to buy a place and i don't have enough business history to do it anyway.

what i have is a hell of a mortgage payment on a pretty good place that would give me room enough to live AND teach and maybe even stop living in a pile of clutter.

does anyone know a way to buy a place with no money down?




i'm fully exhausted and i'm scheduling about twenty to twenty five hours a week of teaching. I have an easy couple of hours i can fill on friday afternoon and an hour or two on tuesday and wednesday and then i'm actually full. i will actually be too busy to teach any more.

and my plan all along has been to drop sundays as soon as i'm busy enough. which i will be in january (because the doctor's clients are generally improving and they are starting to refer me folks as is an osteopath that i refer to... so busy doesn't seem to be going away) except that i really love the two classes that i teach on sunday.

i despise getting up at 7:30 on a sunday morning and i despise having to leave parties early on saturday nights. (I *could* have gone dancing with hcg had i been able to stay awake... well i think that i could have anyway, i seem to be invited into his life). More than that i could have stayed as late as i wished AND gotten some sleep.

but i LOVE my ladies y'all. the people who come to that class are some of the coolest and most awesome of any of my group class folks. the group exercise director wants to find me another slot but it's unlikely because they have a pretty full contingent of pilates teachers.

so i don't really need the money but i do need the sleep but i love the class. so i don't know what to do!

and finally, i don't know if i should publish this post NOW or wait and see if another dilemma pops into my head!



Blogger DZER said...

sass: I'm thinking you at least owe yourself one real DATE with HCG. Get away from the climbing environs, or those related/tied to climbing. Do the dinner and a movie thing, or something similar.

Then, if there are sparks, you can pursue it. If not, you can just be buddies who climb together.

As for the other: Does Canada have a Small Business Administration? The U.S. SBA has some great programs to help out small business wanna-be owners, including some that are specifically for women who want to start a small business.

so if they have that in canada ... check it out :)

12/06/2005 05:01:00 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

I'm thinking blog a little and comment a little...lol

As far as loans go here they will loan you up to 80% of appraised value on property...perhaps you could find a deal. I did that on a house once when I was younger...the appraised value was more than I needed to borrow in the 1st place....good luck!

12/06/2005 05:36:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Well Sass. this is quite the dilemma isn't it.

You're working hard and trying to be all you can be without sinking... I appreciate that totally.

Honestly Im not even sure if you still come over to my blog anymore... but you know I understand that you are busy.

and so I say, blog when you can, i prefer to read your blog. Something about the clarity and honesty of your entries are just so refreshing and a rather nice escape.

Furthermore, you have really nice comments. Im envious of your comments.

You're prolly really pissed at me about the email thing. And I never put you in a corner. If you want the honest to god truth Im having difficulty formulating any emails at this point, to anyone, for anything.

bit depressed really, and in need of some time off.

But, you can't go on about the things you're lacking when everyone else just wants to know about ass sex and blow jobs.

Not that I dont like either... just saying.

k. well. I hope you still drop by sometime when you have errr time. and at least wave... I'll see ya. I always see ya.


12/06/2005 06:36:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dzer: yeah it's true i guess, but then i'd have to ask him out and it would be awkward so in my casual way i'm justagonna hang out.

remember this is a group i'll be in for a looong time :)

hmm we do have something similar, that's a terrific idea! Really i only need a loan so i can get another loan so i can get a place... and i think there are grants for women.

hrm hrm hrm

Mike: yeah i could do that but i'm already down to 5 posts a week from 7 and falling to 4 some weeks. if i comment too...?

yeah and in canada if you're a first time home buyer they have a program where you only need 5% down to buy. but i need the five percent and in toronto, for what i need, that's over ten grand.

12/06/2005 07:07:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

bubbles : it's a shitty dilemma because i miss all the blogs i love and most especially a few of them (one of which is yours)

i'm basically visiting one blog per day if i get time and commenting with an 'i miss you' and a wave...

i'm not sinking but my arms are getting tired from all of the treading water. i think it will ease up after the holidays AND if i actually do the sundays off thing...

i do totally come over to your blog... and i read it and i see ridiculous numbers of comments and i can't read them so i run off to another class and yeah. i should just wave you're right.

thanks bubbles i'm glad that my honesty means something to people... it's actually the reason i fight to find time to write. and you're right, my commenters rule! rule! they're awesome.

without y'all this so wouldn't be worth it!

i am NOT pissed at you, i'm just pigtail tugging hon really!

i think though that i'm an excellent sounding board so if you want to write to me about what's buggin' ya i'll prioritize your mail for a quicker reply...

who gives a shit about anyone else? it's YOUR blog, write what you need and fuckem if they can't take it.

i do drop by i do i do!

12/06/2005 07:15:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Look into a small business loan. How long have you been teaching, can you almost guarantee a monthly check? Have you looked around for a place that you could apply rent towards ownership? The space fee, does that include clients, too? ie advertising and whatnot?

maybe start a website, print cards, get your name out there.

12/06/2005 07:33:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

the thing is that i'm full cast. i'm teaching as much as i can.

if i LIVED where i was teaching i could add maybe 5-10 (think 5) hours a week but that's about it. (think less driving hassle equals more brain for teaching)

and all the space fee is is studio rental, i don't advertise i get referrals from a few folks...

so it's not about getting clients, i HAVE them. i just fucking HATE paying rent when i could be paying a MORTGAGE!

12/06/2005 07:36:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Then see if you can find a place that you can apply rental towards ownership, might be with an older seller. You could always take a roomie on to help defry expenses, too.

Blogging. Well, write when you can, visit when you can. Face it, you're busy! :)

12/06/2005 07:42:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

cast: yeah i couldn't possible get a house downtown, it would have to be a condo or a loft and it MUST be less than a 5 minute walk from the subway.

so i'm left with a 250-350 thousand dollar loft minimum!

and yeah i have a reiki/yoga nerd who wants to move in and share the space so that might work :)

12/06/2005 07:47:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Holy shit...250k for a loft? Yikes. That is some coin. :P You should move here, it's cheaper (hahah, there are 480sq ft condos in town for 199k, 199k for something the size of 2 motel rooms? NOT.

If you can get 500/mo for rent for a room (with utils) then that will help some. Interest rates are cheap now.

12/06/2005 08:27:00 PM  
Blogger Light Strikes A Deal said...

In the immortal words of Nina Simone (and a lot of other folks),

Do what you've gotta do.
Come on back and see me when you can.

12/06/2005 10:13:00 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

I say keep hanging with HCG and see where it goes. You will be able to tell if the sparks are there and if they aren't you won't have lost anything.

As for the blogging, blog on. Your fans want to get you anyway they can and I'd much rather read your thoughts here than on other's comments.

12/06/2005 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

well I think you should blog. I blog no matter how quiet the readership is. I make a little time on my off days to drop by and say yo tho, I have more free time now that I'm not endlessly commuting and all.

I think that phrase you're considering is way too long and that you should just ask him to go somewhere with you. Then you'd have an idea of where he likes you. what I mean is you know he'll climb with you, but will he go eat a meal with you? just casusally mantion you're hungry, ask if he is and then see what happens.

12/06/2005 11:00:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

cast 4 million people live around here. yeah it's 250k for a shitty loft. realistically i'm looking at 350.

also here i have people referring, a network of other professionals to refer to and a teacher who knows me that i respect. i can't do shit for at least 5 years.

you're right, but i don't have a penny in the bank :(

lsd: those are some awesome words.

my friend pg used to say 'sass is like wind, enjoy her when she's here and miss her when she's gone' he was kinda right :)

amber: i think i should blog too but i was willing to be told otherwise. also i need to blog in a way i don't need to comment. i love visiting and reading and commenting but i need to write.

didn't know that until i started.

you're right actually, i was sort of not serious with that... but that's what i'm actually thinking. just 'i want to get to know you better' so instead i'm going to see if i can get him to come shoe shopping *grin*

*hoping for cash for christmas cause momma wants some shoes!*

12/07/2005 12:32:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jenn: that's what i'm thinking myself. it's just that i know i have a tendency to be too cautious so i'm sort of trying to get myself to be a bit less retiring :)

thanks for the vote for blogging and for understanding. i miss reading everyone's blogs ... actually i still read a lot of them i just don't say anything... and it's more like i'll read 4 days at once. but i read.

*hugs* y'all by the way.

12/07/2005 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger sugarpunk said...

OMG!.. sass ive sorta been off and on the net lately.. out of the loop so to speak...
damn you are BUSY!!! and that is awesome for you... but please take care of YOU too...
stoned dilemma answers below: usually means gut instinct...

class dilemma: maybe by january a miraculous idea will emerge...

guy dilemma: when you are ready to ask and recieve whatever anwser... go for it...

blog dilemma: write as you can... i love to come here...

real estate: got nothing for ya...

but seriously glad for you... through here ive hearned how hard you have worked to achieve this for yourself

12/07/2005 02:20:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

punk: i do, that's what climbing is for! and christmas season isn't helping really.

mmmm miraculous idea... cool!

perfect answer re man... what's the rush right?

re blog... thanks!

it's funny, it doesn't feel like hard work because i love it... but i guess looking back it's been kind of brutal :)

12/07/2005 06:13:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Erm...we do miss you in the comment section but I'm with the "do what you have to do" thing. Also, we aren't expecting a new post every day...maybe you are being too tough on yourself on that. You could compromise and do a few posts and a few comments...or keep the posts and comments shorter...hmmm... dunno...giving you options.

But, ultimately, whatever you decide we shall support you in :)

BTW... I added people's blogs as links on mine...I was slow but now it's done.

*hugs back*


12/07/2005 08:45:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

Still blog if anything as a way to release some steam. Sometimes sharing can help.

12/07/2005 09:32:00 AM  
Blogger lividviv said...

I've noticed that you do 3 things:
-you blog
-you comment on your own blog
-you comment on other people's

I vote you blog and comment on other ppl's blogs. You don't have to respond to people or even acknowledge their comments although a little bit would be nice.

12/07/2005 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

natalia: when i started actively blogging i decided to do a post a day. i've now dropped that to 4-5 a week but i find i really miss it if i do less than that.

my posts sort of just come out of me that length, it's neat, i seem to write very similar lengths all the time.

i think you're right about the comments as well, i don't always have to write a dissertation about people's posts.

well you know, adding links takes a while to do until you have a nice big section because before that it's really hard to find in the template :)

cast: yeah the release of the writing is really important to me!

viv: i don't know if i can do that. because i also have to READ those blogs and in teh case of (for example) bubbles and dzer it takes me half an hour just to catch up and then they have (bubbles a lot and dzer occasionally) over fifty comments to wade through. so i can't visit daily anymore, instead everyone gets a day of the week.... i guess i could just not read the comments on their posts... hrm

i don't know if i can resist my comments section but i'll see if that works a bit.

12/07/2005 02:16:00 PM  
Blogger sugarpunk said...

sassy i think you do wonders for the many souls you touch when you dont even try..


12/07/2005 04:08:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

oh wow

punk i'm so touched!

thank you :)

12/07/2005 04:55:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Well, Sass, darling..you do what makes you hapy...and it doesn't mean that just because you make a decision now you cannot change your mind later :) We'll still love you.


12/08/2005 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

i really do feel blessed by the awesomeness of the people and comments that i get here.

i know that i have to attract it but that you all open yourselves to it and share so freely really touches me!

12/08/2005 01:02:00 PM  
Anonymous pilates said...

Hey, cool blog you got here. I'm a nut case surfer, but l know what I like.
Have a good one!
Always looking for pilates!

2/15/2006 10:34:00 AM  

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