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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

electioneering

.
there's a cool question hiding at the end of this post... just in case you think it's all election all the time.

.
so yeah i just got back from voting.

for the first time in my life i didn't know who i was voting for when i woke up on election day. i knew who i wasn't voting for (the conservatives, the marxist-leninists, the communists) but that was it.

could i stomach voting for the liberals again?
did the fucking ndp deserve my vote even though they just fuck it up when people elect them?
should i vote green so at least they get some numbers?

what to do what to do???

and i've agonized and wondered and worried at it like a dog with a bone when it can't quite get at the marrow and still. i ALREADY voted and i still feel like i don't know what to do.

i've never been so afraid of the results of an election in my life. nope, not even both times shrub got elected.

the conservatives want to sell the country (or at least our resources) to the americans at whatever price they can get. most everyone seems to think selling crown corporations/assets is a great way to balance the budget. the liberals just want us to believe they aren't greedy lying bastards (and that they give a fuck) and the ndp pretty much just keeps saying 'we're not them so you should vote for us!'

maybe if the PRIME MINISTER of the fucking country had his money somewhere other than vanuatu i'd be more likely to believe that he gave a shit about it.

maybe.

also he has weak eyes.

seriously yo i almost didn't vote. it was that ridiculously difficult to figure out what to do.
.

in other news i just got an alignment that went from the expected 60 bucks to 130 BUT oh man. oh man.

my car drives like a dream. i keep oversteering because i'm so used to having to work so hard and now it just like floats into a turn if i sort of think i might turn.

gotta be careful for a bit... AND call the nice alignment man and tell him how much his work rocks...

AND? he referred me to a clutch/tranny guy who will do the job for 1000 bucks instead of the 1600 everyone else is quoting me. and i like the way tranny guy talks, i believe he's competent.

so not bad i guess but damm i'm all broke again. *lmao*

yes, i had sort of considered buying shoes, how did you guess?

ah well, it means that all i have to do is nurse the fucking clutch until march and i can fix it. alternately it will die and i'll beg my parents for a loan to fix it sooner [that kind of statement was a lot easier to type when i didn't know they were reading this blog *grin*]. but damn it's lasted this long, i just need it to make it six more weeks!
.

okay so yeah. there was this election thingy in canada.

and it sucked.

it sucked a lot. it didn't suck as much as a conservative MAJORITY would have sucked but it's kinda scary nonetheless.

fortunately not one of the other parties will budge on women's rights or gay rights so that should hamstring that scary eyed motherfucker long enough to make it to another election. i really can't think of anything more frightening than an all republican united states AND a conservative government in canada.

that makes for a scary scary world. scary enough that i'd better get my italian passport issued already.

i confess it will be interesting to see who harper gets along with enough to make deals though. that is some weird ass shit.
.

i don't have too much else to say really today. the goddess beat the shit out of me. shock. awe.
.

i do have a question from a regular though;

mike sez:
"I've had beautiful women who were "just friends"... if friendship includes nudity and fondling and kissing and sex...

OK seriously, a question to the other guys here. Are guys capable of "just friendship" with women (assuming both are single)? Or when a guy says he thinks of a girl as a friend, is it datingese for "I'm not into you"

Women can comment too of course."

so yeah, what mike said. and the flip side... when a guy says he thinks of a girl as a friend could it mean 'i'm totally into you and hoping you'll notice me...'

*grin*
.

please comment a lot and distract me from the fucking election. thank you.

56 Comments:

Blogger Natalia said...

I was following the election on TV... ugh... that's all I can muster darling, really... Ugh...

And Duuuude...I tagged you... or have you already done it? Cause last time you said you wanted the tag and now that I did? Hehehe... kidding...I am trying to do that thing where I tell you how to run your blog...but even as a joke I can't fucking do it.

And I believe in friendship between men and women but I wonder if men do.

Hmmmmmm...

-N

1/24/2006 05:53:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

eating frenzy tonight, I've been home 15 minutes and I've already eaten

cookies, rye crackers and tofu, and now I have hot-dogs on. I'm sooo

spoiling my dinner.

I didn't vote. I decided this time that no vote best reflected my

preference this time around. We really had a lacklustre set of

choices.. Beedy-eyed Harper, Sleepy Martin, and of course a bunch of

other parties which only people with principles(ugh!) vote for.

My opinion on the friend thing is that when a guy says that he wants to just be friends it means either a) he's not interested and wants to be polite about it, b) he's involved but wants to keep the girl around just in case.

Guys live for sex. Our brains' primary functions are get food and get sex. Some lesser functions include get the latest Sony gadget and get the fastest car. While we are single, we think of women as sexual objects, not unlike the fast car or the Sony 53" LCD TV. Some of the objects may have more value in our minds than others. Not all guys place the same value on the same qualities, so just because one guy isn't interested it doesn't mean that there isn't another guy out there, eating time, waiting for you to come along.

But if a guy is completely available and he tells an available girl he wants to just be friends it means "I'm not into you". If any guys disagree, feel free to say so.

1/24/2006 06:50:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

alright.

i've voted once in my life for most of the reasons you explicated...neither party in the grand-ol' US of A will really change anything that is worthwhile, and aside from a varying figurehead and a potentially more left government...

ain't much shifting.

that said, i voted once...and yes it was for bush...and no, i don't think kerry could have done that much better...and yes, i found him repugnant, scary, and honestly? he had shifty eyes and i just couldn't like the asshole. and NO! i don't really like the bush administration..so don't jump on my ass for that one

(we've already been over it matt!)

here's hoping for '08 though (mccain better run!)

and..as a chick...i think you can be friends with a single male and feel no sexual attraction at all?

can an attraction develop? yes.

can the attraction cause the friendship and then fade? yes.

can knowing someone for a certain amount of time just take you out of anything that could potentially be a relationship? totally think so.

most guys i meet? i end up as their friend. and i highly doubt that 90% of the guys i meet want to have sex with me....because i've met most of them in a dating setting.

my three best friends are guys, as well. granted, we grew up together and all function more like family than friends...but still.....

i think it depends on the person, and their intention. some guys say it so the girl feels "safe" so-to-speak, and the guy has an automatic in. but i do think some guys say it and mean it.

that said...hey mike! wanna be my friend ;)

1/24/2006 07:27:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I agree with Elle that attraction can develop. Also you can meet someone with whom you become friends while you are with someone else. And then when your relationship ends, you might see that person in a different light. I have had a lot of male friends and I'd hate to think that somehow they were thinking about shagging me... unless they told me, then I am ok with it cause at least it is out in the open. And as Elle said, attraction on one side can also sour things between friends.

And then there are the fuck buddies. But do you consider them friends? Do you hang out? Or only see each other for sex? Hmmmm more questions than answers :)

-N

1/24/2006 07:56:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

Maybe then it's different for women. I know that for guys love develops, attraction just is. Or isn't.

So maybe sexual desire and love are more closely tied with women than they are for men. Which might explain some things to tell the truth.

1/24/2006 08:43:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

by the way sass, I found that post you told me about and I commented.

1/24/2006 08:47:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: i know it sucks. it sucks less than a conservative majority mind you.

i got the tag, in fact i'll probably do it in the next couple of days. i like to forget other folks' answers before i do mine :)

i believe in said friendships but so far unless they're gay someone always wants to boink someone. interesting thought isn't it, i'm glad mike raised it.


mike: cookies! i LOVE cookies.
why not have hot dogs for dinner?

i think if you aren't going to vote you should spoil your ballot OR vote green so they get a few bucks. but yeah the choices sucked so hard i don't have words.

as for the sex thing. mmmm sony gadgets... do you actually like fast cars? do you really, while single, only think of women as sex objects? because it seems sort of pointless that way since wouldn't you want someone you like like? i mean (for example) i really enjoy our repartee, that to me would be an important factor in a dateable man... are you saying that it would really only matter if you liked my boobs? that the rest of the woman doesn't matter?

yeah, i think you're right... if they're not into you they just want to be friends... but it's tough, i had a friend who described me as a friend for a long time but turned out to want me... so how do you know when he's not telling the truth?

1/24/2006 09:29:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/24/2006 09:47:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

another one of my neighbours says that he totally disagrees with mike he doesn't think that men and women are that different and that the things that do make them different aren't like one particular thing. everyone is different in a different way. each person is different and ultimately he totally thinks that a girl and a guy can get along as just freinds with neither party wanting to boink.

he says he hopes that all of the women he's been friends with weren't pining for sex with him (he knows they weren't btw) but isn't that the same question really?

and that begs teh question can two gay men be friends without wanting to boink?


elle: i can sympathise. kerry vs bush was even shittier than martin vs harper. kerry was a fuckin' automaton and bush sucks ass. as for gore? come on the man has less charisma then a tombstone. so yeah, i can totally understand not voting in that election.

i can be friends with men and feel no sexual attraction at all for sure. that said, the ones i'm not into seem to be into me. it's not the same when you've known them for years though... or they're gay :)

i've also been friends with men i ended up dating but i suspect in the long run that we were suppressing the attraction in the beginning... you'd have to ask tr though :) and i have several friends that i got to know because i was attracted to them so... *shrug* ?

i know a couple who were friends for 20 years and are together now so i'm not sure on the time thing.

and yeah, i'm always the friend girl regardless of where or how i meet them, it's pretty frustrating at this point. and yeah, most of my friends are men as well.

hey no picking up on my blog! *snicker*

1/24/2006 10:00:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

My post didn't make sense so I killed it.

Sorry about the conservatives. They don't have to be all bad, myself I've been leaning a bit towards the conservative side since I'm not liking everything that the liberals are doing. Call me a conservative Dem.

The friends thing is tough one. I have several really good female friends. I guess due to my status ("limbo") all I wanted was a friend and that is what I've gotten. We can go out, we can hang out and get totally bombed and not hit on each other. Ok, I do look at them and think "wow". I guess I'm into them at a deeper, more physical level then they are into me. I also have a couple of female friends that I'm into as friends only and would no way go farther with - they're nice but not my type. I could be into them maybe but I don't see it happening.

With my more intimate friends I can share a lot more than I can with my non intimate friends. I don't mean intimate as in I've gone there, I mean intimate as we've bonded at a deeper level and don't have that wall around us. With my intimate friends I can walk up to them, give them a neck rub and they don't jump. With my non intimate friends I couldn't do that.

I started a blog under a diff URL, it's in my profile I think.

1/24/2006 10:08:00 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

I found you on OkCupid (apparently we're 86% so i thought I'd visit)

Regarding politics: try not to think about it now. It's finally over and all I want is for them to get it together and *not* have an election in 6months. I voted NDP myself... even canvassed for them and my brain hurts just thinking about the whole ordeal at this point.

Regarding friendship: I'm not sure I understand the question, so I'll try to explain it in "guy logic"

To me, all the women i meet fall into a few categories: "like to date", "like to have sex with", "cool, but just a friend", "scary / stay away". there is of course some crossover between the mix and that's where you get friends you have sex with and of course people you date you like to have sex with. typically though the "scary" column doesn't mix ;-)

Where I ran into trouble was your "I'm just not into you" qualifier. Often a guy can be "just not into" someone but still be interested in being their friend (very common) or just wanting sex (fairly common).

Can a guy and a girl be "just friends"? Sure. I have lots of straight, female friends. Do I want to have sex with them? Some, yes, but that desire has to be there on both sides before anything can happen and I'm content to stay with the "friend" status in the absence of such symmetry.

Hope that didn't muddy the waters too much.

1/24/2006 10:28:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: agreed, agreed, agreed :)

as for my male friends? there's one or two i sorta hope are fantasizing about me and as for the rest i would really rather not know. well i don't mind knowning they're into me but i had a friend who told me DETAILS and i'm still squicked.

i'm incapable of fuck buddy so someone else will have to answer that one....


mike: love develops, attraction just is. profound sir.

i think it's true with SOME women that it's about love before attraction but i know several women that are fully into sex... so it's dependent on the person it seems.

in fact all of this is probably dependent on the person.

also? i read that comment *grin* and will respond sometime tonight.


cast: it actually made sense to me.

look it's a minority... nothing that's not that central will happen so it's okay. but damn canada is conservative and i'm afraid.

i don't know about the friends thing myself. i have friends that i know damm well we're both attracted... in fact you're one of them. but i also know that ship has sailed with us and it would take something extraordinary for it to resurface now. i know there's friends that neither of us is into the otehr and i have a few friends where it's one way in whatever direction. so yeah it's hard to comment.

see i've had an intimate straight male friend before where we loved each other but neither of us were looking to boink the other... and we slept in the same bed at least 100 times and never once thought of touching. so i know it's possible.

i see your new blog.


gabriel: is your nick the same on okcupid? if it is you're inactive. which of my 86% matches are you?

i just hope there isn't another election for at least two more years but i'm not holding out much hope. i voted green. i'm in bill graham's riding so i thought i would do suomething useful with my vote and give the greens some money.

well mike asked the question so you'll have to ask him to clarify *grin*

i like your categories, i think you've nailed it. i was uncomfortable with the idea of black and white answers. *snicker* i can see the scary column not working with the rest but i can tell you for sure i have about the same categories although it's more 'like to date', 'like to get to know better and maybe consider dating' (tend to like them more) or 'nice but totally not my type' and 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! nonononono!'

what i find interesting is this idea that you can want to have sex with someone and yet not be into them. that shit is just weird.

it didn't muddy the waters at all... i think it cleared them somewhat.

1/24/2006 10:49:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I've spent an hour and a half trying to reply to one thing you said sass, about the women as sex objects, but dammit it's hard to think when you are tired.
I'll try again tomorrow when I'm not so tired.

1/24/2006 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

Hey there, I'm "gabriel_vii" -- not very original I know, but when I joined the site, it was just for kicks anyway... now it's stuck I guess.

With regard to your "just not into them" question, I think it comes down to word definitions again (language is pretty limiting). "Into" someone can mean a whole range of things, and to want to have sex with someone (at least for me) there has to be some form of connection apparent. The discrepency then I think is what kind of connection must be there before sex is an option? You can be into someone in the sense that you think they're attractive and they make the hair on the back of your neck tingle when they touch your arm. Or you can be into someone in the sense that you're hanging on every word they say. Then again, you can also just like how they look in that outfit ;-) It's all very personal and not really gender-targeted either.

And with that, I go to bed.

1/25/2006 12:25:00 AM  
Blogger R. U. Serious said...

In short...no.

Guys are selfish horny pigs.

1/25/2006 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn! said...

i think i have to agree with r.u. because i work in a male dominated industry, almost all of my friends are males...and the ones that i'm close to usually end up drooling all over me, even in front of their SOs when they get a little juiced/high/tired/horny.

i'm not sure that i've ever had a close male friend who didn't try to put the moves on me at one time or another...which is so sad. i just ignore them when they do that, and that always puts the kabosh on things, but i kinda think that most guys' friends-with-an-attractive-girl-antennae are connected to their penises...

but i could be wrong.

1/25/2006 01:16:00 AM  
Blogger debambam said...

you'de better believe guys and girls can just be friends on both sides! i've had more guy friends in my life than girl ones. and the really good ones are better than sex (well almost!) Me and my fiancee were best friends in high school...just that, just friends. 8 years apart on different sides of the country and when we caught up again we found that the friendship was the basis for what is now a "grownup" relationship. Yes ours turned into more, but without that initial just friends basis we wouldn't have what we have today...
there you go, theres my 2 cents!

1/25/2006 01:29:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

sass, that't the great thing about the internet, feelings can develop with less worry about physical attraction. We have pictures to get a bit of an idea of how the other person looks, but it does take a lot of the shallowness out of dating.

When you are communicating with someone purely on an intellectual level, no sex involved, you have to "like like" them for who they are, or else your conversations last only a week or so. And once you have connected on that level, the physical looks thing isn't as important once you go to THAT level.

I the real world, a lot of relationships subsist only on sex, and it's not til later, when the 2 people try to start talking to each other, that they learn that they aren't compatible.

1/25/2006 07:15:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

That's one bad hat Harry

1/25/2006 07:30:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

mike: fair enough. gosh i spend way way less time thinking about my comments then that. maybe that's why half the time when i read them again i don't understand them *g*


gabriel: ah-ha i've seen your profile before. in fact i've laughed while reading it (in a good way!) ... i just figured i was too old for you :)

i love discussing semantics though, it's one of the most interesting ways to learn about people. and i entirely agree about the sex thing. i have to be into *you* to want to have sex with you and into means things like (but not limited to) enjoy your taste in music or food, like your sense of humour, enjoy your company, can talk with you for hours, can be quiet with you for hours... etc.

that said, i'm pretty old fashioned. i like courtship and dating and getting to know people before you dive into bed with them so i'm (in some ways) not the right person to be hosting this discussion. i know a lot of women who aren't old fashioned and i know several men who are so i concur with the non genderness of it.

but i'm willing to be argued in the other direction as well.


RUS: hey welcome back :)

are ALL guys selfish horny pigs or just a very large subset? cause i'm selfish for sure... but i'm pretty sure i'm not a horny pig. that said? i know several women who are...

1/25/2006 07:43:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

Jenn: that is one of the biggest pet peeves i have actually. the old married guy drool thingy. seriously have some respect for your partner!

i've had about 50/50 luck with the close male friends and the drooling and for me it's all about how they handle it. taking no for an answer is key.

i've had close male friends that didn't try to put the moves on me... and i've had close male friends i wished would put the moves on me and never did... and i've had others that did. so it's a tough one. i think i'm concluding from this discussion that everyone is different and that it's not about gender.


deb: that's where the thinking is for me too. my friend G (lives in Oz actually) and i slept in the same bed more nights than we didn't and we never even thought of kissing. but we cuddled all the time. damm i miss him.

but yeah i don't think either of us could imagine jumping the other.

and yet i have also had friends who were only being my friend because they wanted to boink me and once it became clear that wouldn't happen they disappeared.


mike: i both agree and disagree with you here because i met a great guy on okcupid a while back and we did try to date but we had zero spark. hell we had negative spark. he's a great guy though and we still hang out.

so the one thing the internet can't do is tell you if you'll like someone's pheremones and that's just as important as liking their brain.

that said, i do enjoy getting to know people online but i find that most of them don't ever seem to want to meet. i do agree with your looks comment though.

i would say that online and real life dating are flip sides of the same coin. but definetely the same coin. one you learn about brain and one about brawn *snerk* is all.

hi dr house!

1/25/2006 08:02:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

men=pigs
women=psycho babblin' stability wantin' hose beasts
love=shit


my math rocks, admit it!!

1/25/2006 09:50:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Elle-

Your math fucking rocks...it makes perfect sense to me :)

-N

1/25/2006 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Ummm everybody is so verbose and I am shit but I truly believe this.

Men and women can be friends until the ever elusive spark becomes involved... once that happens the relationship becomes 'another-levelage' material.

Sucks when the spark is one sided.

If he says "just friendship" I think i take it as yes, no romantic interest... you stifle and carry on no matter how much it hurts... sometimes time can be the ultimate dictator over whether this is really a friendship.

or a friendship.

I suck at this post and the comment because everyone else seems so much more intellegent than me...

i... tried...?

This post just hits too fucking close to home for me. And Sass, I got your tag done.

1/25/2006 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

Your math is spot on.

I think that if you get past the spark (whether is is one sided or not) and still consider the person someone who is a friend - i don't mean associate or casual friend, I mean a TRUE friend, someone who can confide in and all - then you're ok.

On that note i need coffee.

1/25/2006 10:53:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

elle: your math is hilarious but damn i hate to agree with it.


nat: that's the tragedy innit?


bubbles: please please stop dissing your comments and yourself. *i* find your comments cogent and relevant not to mention interesting. (also how on earth can you be in mensa and be less intelligent than the entire internet??)

it's the fucking worst when the spark is one sided.worst.

yeah time is a big one and ability to stifle is another one. not being able to stifle when you really want to is even suckier than one sides spark. i'm really sad it hits close to home.

got your email *hugs* hope i get to it today but probably not til tonight k?


cast: damm i was hoping a guy would disagree with elle.

well i consider you a true friend so we know it's possible? but that get past thing... i don't know if spark is ever really gone, it's just smothered or something.

1/25/2006 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Light Strikes A Deal said...

I can't speak for men and women, but I've definitely had friends that I found to be physically attractive, enjoyed their company, and for whatever reason didn't and still don't want to boink.

It is rare, but it can happen. Sometimes there is only chemestry enough for friendship. And or, sometimes I am only attracted to a womans brain and have no sexual feelings toward her otherwise.

I can't really think of a case in my life where I was hanging with a female friend in a platonic context and then suddenly thought I'd like to change the dynamic of our relationship. Women have a pretty good ability to feel lust radiating off of a man. I think such guises would be easily diagnosed as a altierior sexual motive and terminated by an uninterested female anyway.

All of that said, I am talking of the exceptions of an otherwise completely sexually driven society. Pure friendship, void of sexuality, between a healthy adult male and female is extremely rare.

1/25/2006 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Sass:

There are exceptions. I think it is very possible to have the ongoing hots for someone on a mutual level.

Time to strap myself into the CrapMobile for my action packed 2.5 hour drive home.

1/25/2006 02:51:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

LSD: i've definetely had friends like that myself. in fact my brother hubris comes to mind. nothing wrong with him except that he doesn't do it for me.

that said, i've also had friends that i wanted to boink from very early on in the friendship and could swear they did too and yet noone did anything about it. those ones leave you wondering ...

hah! hah! hah! i say. "women have a pretty good ability to feel lust radiating off a man" <-- total crap! why is it total crap? because i can for sure feel the lust when i'm not into someone but when i'm into you all bets are off. i can't even tell if you want to talk to me let alone boink me when i'm gone on someone.

but yes, that pure friendship is rare. wonderful, but rare. i know it's rare because i can only think of one or two such instances in my life and i've had a lot of male friends. (married folks don't count cause they're automagically off the market and thus they're sort of asexual)


cast: i think you're right. the question is do they do anything about it?

oh dude you so need to get a job in raleigh.

1/25/2006 03:06:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Yes it is tragic...but it is more tragic not to realize that's the deal and to keep going at it blindly.

I know it sounds jaded. I try not to be. I believe there are a few worthwhile people out there. I just have not had an easy time running into them.

-N

1/25/2006 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: i just know too many awesome men. i can't think of them as all being pigs i can't. anymore than i can think of all women as psychotic emotional stalkers.

i am willing to agree that it's the way to bet though :)

i'm a cynic who is also incredibly hopeful, i get what you're saying :)

1/25/2006 03:31:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Oh yeah..I know cool men but they are not available for dating...those are the one that are the pits :)

But yeah I must out myself as an optimist as well...but with roots in realism :)

And I know I won't be everyone's cup of tea also...in fact the might think of me as the pits... so it's all very relative.

What the hell do I know?

lol

-N

1/25/2006 03:38:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Do they do anything about it? I have no idea. When I'm awake I can pick stuff up, like acting silly around me and constantly glancing my way. I think there is some deeper intimacy going on when they tell you stuff that you sorta really don't want to know.

Thank God for Starbucks and free wireless, I can sit out a nice traffic jam in peace.

1/25/2006 05:21:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

psycho babblin' stability wantin' hose beasts

I think that people who have been hurt enough times find their own ways to protect themselves. A lot of women can be scary, they have been hurt and now want stability so much that at the beginning they grab on and try to control you from the start. This tends to frighten some guys (me for one) off. But it's just a misguided protection mechanism and I don't blame them.

The ironic thing is that what I want is stability as well. But when a woman starts to demand the things that I want to give her anyway, the monogamy and the attention, it is a real turn-off.

I know that it's possible, I've had one relaxed relationship like that, total commitment with no demands or jealousy or games, and it was wonderful and lasted a quarter decade.

1/25/2006 05:46:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Ok so I am far too lazy after this day to read all the comments.

I'm glad that even though you're vacillating, that you're going to vote (or voted, past tense). Sometimes the decision is hard but I think it's always better to make one and thus at least try to make a difference/make your voice heard, than to wallow in complacent acceptance.

Although sometimes you just can't really help it.

And yes, attraction can develop on the woman's side. The more great things you notice about a guy, the more attractive you can find him. That said -- I think women are always perfectly happy to accept men as friends, whether attached or not. Men I dunno about, but I have enough male friends that I think yah, it could happen. Of course most of them are attached, now that I think about it.

I've been having the hardest time with the word "attach" lately -- keep wanting to add another T before the CH. Weird. I never have spelling issues.

Randomness.

1/25/2006 05:48:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

scratch that idea. Only a bitch who was unable to catch a pitch wouldn't know that you never put a t before a ch.

1/25/2006 06:24:00 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

When did women get the right to vote? Damn, I had better keep up on my current events. NExt thing you know they are going to want to work as well.

Guys can be just friends, but they sure as hell always think...the what if scenario....

1/25/2006 07:44:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

I just can't do math like Buttah...

k. stop dissing self in comments section.

You know Sass... when you get to the email you get to the email.

The Queen of email reply-neglect is not going to punish you or think bad thoughts... trust me.

Unfortunately... for me... I hit that big ol' clear all button on my yahoo inbox and felt that cold panic stricken sweat...

then rushed to the trash to try and recover... but no go.

all 400+ emails (answered or not) are gone...
HENCE! My not replying and just emailing with a new one.

See, now ask yourself... how can I be in mensa and do something as awful fucking stupid as THAT?!?!

well I was trying to delete somebody elses emails and well I just.....

god damn that one sided spark. I hate that shit.

and at least your president isn't spying on your google searches and pardoning turkeys...

*tearing hair out*

1/25/2006 07:49:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I work for a cellphone company and I can tell you that your government isn't just spying on your google searches. Every callphone company has a LEG (Law Enforcement Gateway), which allows the government (FBI, etc) to listen to your phone calls at whim.

1/25/2006 11:13:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: they are fully the pits you're right. i'm SO behind on my comments damn!

i'm fully a realist and a cynic but an optimist nonetheless. like i'm a pessimist because i'm always pleasantly surprised.

i'm okay with being the pits... cause there are all sorts of folks that i'm not into... it's the ambiguous ones that kill ya.


cast: yeah i can pick up that kind of stuff too. WHEN I DON'T CARE! otherwise i have no fucking idea :)

that's deeper intimacy for sure, but what (i wonder) causes them to confide in you?

mmmm free wireless.


mike: that's true. i'm pretty closed off these days and i tend to just make friends of men i like and then see what happens. it's so hard to open up to that kind of thing again.

as for the stability? i think women like that are searching so desperately for a mate that they're not actually noticing what the guy is actually like. i recall my ex saying (less then two months after we got together) "sass we're getting married right??" and i go "i don't know, ask me in a year" and he was pissed as hell about that.

irony? a year later he didn't ask.

you can't be demanding shit from me, i'm an independent woman with a life... i have to want to give things.

i think those relationships rock but are hard to find. worth looking for though. being easy with someone is so important.

1/25/2006 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

JMai: so am i. difference is i have to *grin*

i did vote for sure. i only don't vote when i'm moving immediately after the election or moved immediately before. i don't feel right voting in a place where i don't have a sense of the issues or where i won't be living there. seems unfair.

that's what makes this discussion interesting, i'm like that too. for me things develop over time. THAT said, there's a definite hrm... potential from the beginning. it's unlikely to develop with someone i found unnattractive on first meeting (though it has)

i'm happy to have men as friends but it's hard when they're attached AND they fall for me.

heh... i have trouble spelling weird... can't do it.


Mike: *snicker*


cas: you think so? they're always thinking what if when they're friends with a woman? that's very interesting... and in some ways i know what you mean regarding my long term male friends.

1/25/2006 11:42:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

i think most men aren't pigs. they just front that way to seem "cool"

kind of like how chicks always have that one girl they hang out with that the whole group hates? yea...like that, but they have to be the one asshole that out assholes the other men in the circle jerk....


hmm. never comment and ambien after a few glasses of wine...HAH! sorry if i'm making no sense

and my math was a joke. DUR! i'm a believer in the mighty thing we call love...i mean i'm jaded, bitter, cynical, and overall fleeting in optimism concerning all things relating to love....but, it's still the one thing i'm desperately searching for.

and women think of the "well what if..." too....we just dimiss it much quicker than a guy would, i think, because that's what women do...look at everyone as a possibility...

until they realize they are the possibility.

okay! i'm shutting up. sorry! disregard this comment

1/26/2006 12:08:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

bubbles: thanks em, i'm probably not gonna make it tonight after all. i'm glad to know you're as bad as i am. i used to not suck so much and then i got a blog and well.. yeah.

that SUCKS what you did with your email. that sucks. like SO sucks.

damm dude.

i've done that on my entire operating system. it was a unix mistake and i'm willing to explain it if you insist?

(rm -rf /usr cause yeah that was not what i meant to do)

one sided spark sucks more than anything. like ever.

my prime minister wants to repeal a woman's right to choose.


mike: great... canada or us or both?


elle: i think you're right. i think we're all desperately trying not to look 'uncool' but we all just want to hook up with people.

i thought the math was funny but there's that sick grain of truth to it ya know?

i think of what if with every single man i meet. then i wait and see how long i think it for. often under a minute in fact :)

so what we're all saying is that we're all looking and none of us are willing to put it out there. cause that would be uncool.

*sigh* sad.

dude STOP saying your comments are lame. this was a great comment.

what is with everyone dissing their comments??

1/26/2006 12:50:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

I deleted a comment because I had a followup to it that was more coherent.

kind of like how chicks always have that one girl they hang out with that the whole group hates?

Maybe in my case it's the guy they hang out with so they can have someone to hate. :D

Actually I think my crew confides in me because they know I don't tell (it's not like I go into the "powder room" to gossip) and can give them a guy's take on something.

1/26/2006 07:38:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

The it's down to representation. Men think that they have to be a certain way to be considered men...hence they front as assholes when they may actually be very decent people. That has to suck... not just because they might lose out on being with good women but because... dude it just has to suck to be pretending all the time... or maybe they don't realize? And they are just used to doing it?

Or maybe I am clueless...yeah...that's it :)

-N

1/26/2006 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger murphy said...

i apologize in advance for not reading all of the previous comments.

But I whole-heartedly believe guys can have girls that are 'just friends'. I am not going to lie and say that somewhere buried in the back of my brain my sexual side will perk up and go 'welll.... why not try it?!' but then my rational side says 'don't fuck up a good thing'. Rational. Always rational.

1/26/2006 11:22:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

cast: cool beans.

i don't really have an assy chick that i hang with but then i'm a 'one of the guys' kind of girl. which, let me tell you, makes it almost impossible to date. i have mad skillz, i can make ANY man i'm attracted to into a lifelong friend.

go me.

cast never underestimate the power of a decent man in a group of women. you're like the stable centre for them.


nat: yeah maybe that's it. people are so busy trying to fulfill their assigned roles in society that they can't figure out how to get to what they really want. 'me heap big jock must act like caveman jerk' 'me nerdy art fag must swan around and act all high on myself' 'insert stereotype here'

i think a lot of them don't realise and the rest of them are just used to it.

OR? we're all totally clueless.


murph: no worries. there's a lot of them

i whole heartedly believe it myself. when the friend factor outweighs the boink factor on both sides it works out great.

it's still the one sided spark that kills you.

*sigh* sometimes i want to take rational out back and shoot it until it's dayud.

1/26/2006 11:29:00 AM  
Blogger R. U. Serious said...

All men are selfish horny pigs. The only guys I would consider trusting as friends are the ones who will admit their attraction and will tell you not to trust their advice about guys, because it's biased.

1/26/2006 11:47:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn! said...

'me nerdy art fag must swan around and act all high on myself'

all this dirty talk is making me wet.

hahaha j/k. but why am i a little into posers like that? i think they're kinda sweet...

but only the nerdy art/musician types who are smart and cute and hip. it's not like i really want a long term thing with them, i just get excited watching them pose like that and i wanna date them. its kinda fun/funny to hang out with dudes like that, and inevitably guys like that become friends with me...oh well, and i guess there's always some sort of sexual vibe going on too that must be squashed...but well..

ok. i suck.

1/26/2006 01:50:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

RUS: you know, that's some good advice... but i can't really believe that every single man in my life who isn't gay wants to boink me. seems... far fetched? high on myself?

Jenn: i love them too don't worry. :)

i think it's because the nerdy guys are more likely acting high on themselves as a defense mechanism whereas the not nerds really are just that high on themselves.

different sort of reasoning behind it so one is cute and one is repulsive.

but yeah there's something weird about making friends of men you're attracted to. is it lying?

1/26/2006 04:04:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn! said...

i dunno...i kinda think not cuz i think nothing is wrong with the whole sexual tension thing. just cuz you are sexually attracted to a guy (at least in my case) doesn't mean that you really want to boink them even if you get the chance...cuz for someone who isn't into casual sex, boinking comes with a bit of responsibility...sometimes i don't want that responsibility, so not boinking becomes pretty easy even if i'm attracted to them...

do you feel me?

1/26/2006 05:04:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

This is my second attempt to respond. My computer sucks so fucking bad, I've lost a very important e-mail tonight too.

***

Sexual tension is great, whether the person is someone you work with or if it's someone who's just a friend (and we are still trying to figure out if THAT'S possible). It can just add spice.

Mind you if you are married and you play that game, you should be shot, for doing that to your spouse, and for leading someone on when you can't follow through.


Sass, it's not lying to become friends with someone who you are into. Not if you actually like them as well. If you don't like them as a person though, then that sort of friendship is going to be doomed to eventual failure, as would any relationship that might have happened.

The question remains, if you aren't into them, are you going to make an attempt to become friends with them? If you meet a guy you aren't attracted to, are you going to call him up and ask "hey, wanna come over and play chess/XBOX, or watch TV?", knowing that if he's into you he might take it as meaning something else and then you will have an uncomfortable moment to deal with?

I'm not trying to be shallow, I'm just hypothesizing.

1/26/2006 07:53:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn! said...

k, so this is just a quick remark...not really thinking about whether this is REALLY how i feel, or just how i feel right now...but i think i kinda prefer to be a little into a person i want to be only friends with. like there's nothing wrong with having uggo friends, but theres also nothing wrong with having friends that are like a piece of art...you love looking at them while playing chess/xbox/or watching tv...bring a little art into your everyday life, i like to say.

1/26/2006 09:46:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jenn: fair enough. i can't bear casual sex myself... i have to be into you to boink you. no ifs ands or buts. gawd it makes for long droughts though.


mike: that sucks hugs ass what your computer is up to. is it the net or the computer? cause if it's the net just do everything in notepad first :)

sexual tension is great ... but how does one know if one should act on it? how do people know when it's harmless flirting and when there's more to it? i know i know, i USED to know this shit!

well mike i think you sort of have to become friends with people you're into. i mean how else do you know if you want to date the? it's just that i seem to somehow turn them into permanent friends with no chance for hooking up and i can't figure out how i do that. i don't think i would want to be friends or coupled with someone i didn't like as a person. i mean what would be the point?

i didn't think you were being shallow. now i'm trying to think of non gay men that i invite over for video games that i'm not into... hrm. i think most of them i met through work or some other non threatening environment. or they had partners when i met them. so yeah maybe you have a point. must muse.


jenn: wow. i'm totally not the same as you on that one. although i've had lots of friends i was moderately into and knew i would never do anything about it but it was usually due to lack of interest on their part of realisation of a dealbreaker on mine.

i do love the beautiful people though... and there's so many of them!

1/27/2006 12:53:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

sass: it's sometimes a real pain in the ass trying to figure out if someone is into you. There's always the "come right out and ask" thing, but once you've started to go down the road of becoming friends, it becomes harder because if you are wrong you risk wrecking the friendship.

So the question then becomes "whatever do we do?", how do we know if someone is into us?

The clues are always there if we know where to look. Sometimes it's like a detective's game, and sometimes the person purposely tries to leave the clues right out in the open for us to find.

1/27/2006 06:50:00 PM  
Blogger grainne said...

Sassy….Good question for homework and one I wanted to think about before posting an answer to you.

I think when I was younger, 20’s & early 30’s….it was damn near impossible to have a male pal where there were not sexual undercurrents unless they were gay. Now at almost 44, I find I prefer my male friends for the most part – there is no competition with a male friend that I find with so many of my female friends. There is none of that my ass looks better than yours, my child is in a better college than yours….my b/f makes more money than yours or has a better job…I hate all that crap. With my male pals, we actually TALK to each other…things in life that make us happy, make us sad, give us pause to worry and they don’t mind doing silly things with me like going to see a kid’s movie or attending a comic book convention with me. We can have lunch together with counting the calories the other consumes or worrying about the calorie content.

I have always had longer friendships with men as long as the sexual tension was not too difficult to deal with for me. I find that many of my male pals are the kind of men I could easily fall into a relationship with IF that was what I was searching for/ wanted at this phase in my life but then, I know I would hurt them based on past experiences so I just prefer to keep things warmly friendly and companionship based. It is possible for semi-mature males / females to have great friendships as long as they understand each other. I love men….they make wonderful friends!

As for your election...at least you know the person with the majority of the vote won...unlike us here in America - nothing like the screw ups here in Fl to make me doubt election results.

1/29/2006 12:28:00 PM  

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