pollen counts

[i'm starting this sunday night and finishing it monday...]
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my neighbour and i are hanging out again and he's sitting on the couch reading a food encyclopedia and i'm blogging. shut up of course i'm blogging, i'm an addict. okay so we haven't talked in about ten minutes and it's SO NICE.

so nice.

the thing i miss about living with people is just having the energy of other living beings around. he's over there reading, i'm over here typing and we're both totally happy. his ipod is currently playing death cab for cutie and the cats are grooming themselves so actually all four of the lifeforms in my home are content.

and no one is talking. no one needs to talk and no one feels uncomfortable in the silence. in fact we're happier because we aren't speaking.

and i'm struck by how few people i feel that way around. i'm related to almost all of them actually and the rest of you know who you are.

there is something about people you don't have to talk around that is so intrinsically comforting. this will seem strange to those of you who know me in day to day life because *i* (yes me, little miss sassinak) am a blabbermouth. i will talk about anything with anyone at the drop of a hat.

but sometimes i just need to be quiet and get lost in my head and it's a rare human that i can do that around and slowly i'm beginning to realise that that too is an essential quality for me.

hell othercat and i? we can ignore each other for hours... and have. all the while completely happy to be sharing air. my sister and i? there is a photo of us sitting at opposite ends of a couch while utterly engrossed in our respective reading.

why is this funny? because we're like bookends our positions are so similar.

there is something so wonderful about just sitting around and drinking in someone's energy. that's probably because i have to feel pretty safe with someone to be quiet around them and even more so to ignore them and thus it will almost certainly happen with someone whose energy i also appreciate. [course there are two kinds of ignore :)]

i can't really explain it but it's like giving your soul a glass of water lightly tinged with someone you care for and trust.

oh man i'm a sap.
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there have been some rather strange happenings in the blogverse lately and i've been struck by something. when people get used to something they don't like letting it change.

actually jack johnson nailed it (shock awe, i know):

"Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
But hanging on is easy
When you've got a friend to call
When nothings making sense at all
You're not the only one that's afraid of change"
-jack johnson - losing hope (brushfire fairytales)

anyway some people have chucked their blogs. others have changed them. others have added contributors and so on. and some of these people are taking abuse for it. i don't understand... noone tells ME how to operate my blog so why would i feel like i could tell someone else what to do?

as usual this is only an example. i have pilates students who say things like 'but i've always...' and i'm like 'yes and i'm asking you to try...' and they get this weird look on their faces. okay so metaphoring on.

i get into a routine with my blogs. i check my blogroll which is hopelessly out of date and then i surf my links a little and then i check my comments again (okay this all happens at the same time but whatever, i'm borderline ADD and i really really like doing 6 things at once) and so on. and when a blog disappears (like castufari did recently for example) i get a little thrown.

this little piece of my blogverse is missing and it leaves a piece out of the jigsaw that is the support structure of my life. so i can fully sympathise with the people that don't like it when people do things with their blogs (or their lives for that matter) but the thing that they seem to miss?

it's not THEIR blog or their life to comment on or criticize. they don't have any rights there.

their comments are welcomed if they are in somewhat good spirit or at least approach the nature of the blog. but to attack someone's character because you don't like a decision they made that wasn't about you at all?

that shit is just weird. not to mention? ridiculous, retarded and just plain wrong.
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i've noticed over the years that i tend to speak in parables. clearly that's not changing anytime soon.
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man james blunt is so beautiful. recently i've been introduced to imogene heap and damm. that chick can *sing* and she makes such pretty music.
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wow i just pulled out that picture of my sister and i sharing silence and i'm struck by how young we are. that pic turns out to be something like 9 years old and we look like utterly different people.

i look like a child! so does she!

wow. you don't realise how much of your life has passed beneath your feet until you randomly look at something from what seems like just the other day and you realise it was a decade ago.

a decade.

wow.

i'm barely related to the girl in the picture. i'm not sure she would even believe that she turns into me when she gets a little older. what's funny is that many of her fundamental traits are identical to mine. her nature is there it's just... that girl in the picture?

she's so much less confident, so much less willing to believe in herself, so much more willing to believe the worst of herself and definetely not a girl who would have the balls to think she could heal people's bodies (and sometimes souls).

but that is, nonetheless, what she grows into.