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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Thursday, January 26, 2006

tagged agin!


i've noticed that most of the women that comment here insult what they have to say in the middle of it. and the men don't. so although i despise gender generalisation i really have to wonder about this one.

men seem to show up, share their opinions unapologetically AND unchallengingly and then wait to see what everyone else says. the chicks in the room seem to come in, start to tell us their opinions, apologise for them, continue with their opinions and then declare that their previous words make no sense.

dudes what is UP with that?

why do the ladies feel a) that they aren't worthy to comment on my blog (cause WEIRD!) and b) that whatever they have to say isn't actually worth saying?

what's even more interesting to me is that y'all say it anyway but you hide it behind all sorts of apologetic preemptive strikes. i do not get this.

well i do actually. i get it because ten years ago i was all about the dissing whatever i had to say. hell i still catch myself doing it when i'm feeling nervous or insecure. or i'll diss my body. or my way of dealing with people. or my language choices. or whatever.

that said, i fight it every time i do it. if i hear myself saying not so nice things about myself i actually give myself a stern lecture. i'm all 'now sass you know you don't want to talk about yourself that way because you're the only voice you really believe' and then if i've just called myself (for example) stupid i'll add in 'and you know damm well you aren't stupid.'

so i'll give myself a little mini lecture about how i want to talk about myself to myself. and you know what? it really helps you guys. it helps more than i can even articulate.

because for one thing i'm reinforcing the idea that i'm NOT allowed to say mean things about myself and for another i'm topping it off with a nice thing. this has allowed a 200% improvement in my sanity and my self esteem.

so. ladies. (and any man to whom this applies)

your homework for this week is to LISTEN to the things you say to and about yourself. to actually hear the negative bullshit that you're piling onto your own head.

and look, i get that you have your father or your mother or your ex or whomever in your head saying shitty things to you. i get that those voices have trained themselves into your psyche. but seriously? what better day than today to take control of your own head?

and you know what? you will be AMAZED at how much better you feel about yourself in six months.

one more thing. when looking in the mirror you have permission to look long enough to adjust your clothing but the INSTANT you hear that little voice saying 'wow check out those saddlebags' or 'holy back bacon you cow' or 'insert nasty bullshit about your body here' you walk AWAY from the mirror. you're clearly done adjusting your clothing right?


seriously ladies, give it a shot.

nat tagged me lord love her so here goes:

2 names you go by
ange (anj not an-gee)

2 parts of your heritage

2 things that scare you

2 of your everyday essentials
brushing my teeth
chilling with animals

2 things you are wearing right now
my skin

2 favorite bands or musical artists:
xavier rudd
my band on jam night

2 things you want in a relationship

2 truths
i will defintely make mistakes every day
some things really are worth dying for

2 things that appeal to you in a man

2 things you want really badly
a vacation
my mother reads this blog, use your imagination :)

2 places you want to go on vacation
new zealand

2 things you want to do before you die
learn to surf
live and love well and fully (i've used this exact answer on another tag and it remains true)

Two stores where you shop
the super fresh mart. it's like 50 feet away and has all the chocolate.

and i tag uh... beaus and jenn and matt v


Blogger Hubris said...

I hate mirrors. But only because the January gut has taken full effect. Okay kids, back to veggies & NO FUCKIN DOUGHNUTS OR PIZZA!

1/26/2006 02:22:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Hubris and I have already been talking about a Euro Trip cause he wants to go to Barcelona. And both you and I want to go to Thailand and Elle wants to go back. So all I am saying about that is that good travel partners can be hard to find..so let's TRAVEL cause you guys are awesome.

And learn to surf???? Damn! With my fear of sharks that would be the same as saying... I'd like to be bait for great whites, pretty please.

Oh and yes to New Zealand as well... I want me some KiwiLand :)


1/26/2006 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn! said...

this post should have a subheading somewhere called "blogging in my skin"

1/26/2006 02:49:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...




(i'm so sleep deprived)

1/26/2006 02:51:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: and you still think you're as fat as you were when i met you. dude you wear a size small. suck it up *grin*

nat: oh man. i have got to go somewhere that isn't italy. love me some italy but i want to see greece and portugal and 'yugoslavia' and spain and and and

and you know i think your little plan is excellent dude, let's do it when i can afford it.

Jenn: maybe so :)

elle: dude GET SOME SLEEP!
(i know it involves staying home for a night and stuff and probably a little pill but geeze :)

1/26/2006 04:00:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

interesting that you mention this today...Last night hubris and I caught some of the colbert report. He was interviewing a woman who had spent some time living as a man, to "see how the other half lives".

One of the things that she commented on what how much more obvious it became to her that women apologize for EVERYTHING.

1/26/2006 04:38:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

The first place I need to visit that I've never visited and I hear is swell, though I've still never set foot there despite having lived an hour away for most of my life? USA

But then I need to get me some pampers and move to India.

1/26/2006 04:44:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Ok I'm pretty sure I'm one of the apologetic-but-keeps-going-anyway people. I do it cause I know I get really verbose sometimes and you know, it's actually NOT my blog to be making blog-length posts on, but anyway yeah I am not apologising here so yay me.

Travel almost anywhere sounds good to me. Can't live without vacation time. Nat's in the doghouse cause she thought something like a mortgage> was more important than chilling with the girls on the white sand beaches of cancun. I mean, honestly! -s-

1/26/2006 05:18:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

SO NOT IN THE DOGHOUSE...I am, however, in hell thanks to the fucking condo... a bloggy rant about that shall be here soon. I would like nothing more than to take time off...but it is IMPOSSIBLE :)

So you shall think of me on the beaches as I work :)


1/26/2006 05:53:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Oh, you naughty girl - you took my tagging virginity...


I'll post it up tomorrow.

1/26/2006 07:16:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Angie? :D Muahaha.

Sharks aren't a problem. Just make sure to stay around the spongers (bodyboarders), as they make better bait. :D

I saw a ray breach last year at Hatteras house. I was out at the 3rd sandbar, way out by myself on my sponge when it did the breach. I almost, well, let's say I almost ruined my shorts. After thinking "shit, I'm gonna die and Chris S is gonna get to finish the beer" I moved down towards Chris and some other guys (a couple were larger/fatter than me, and we all know fat is tasty). I later learned that they breach just for the hell of it. Still, when you're out at dusk, the water is inky black and something witha 6'+ wingspan gets air, you have to wonder.

On that note, i want to shag all of my hot female friends.

See, no apologies! :)

Hello Mrs B!

1/26/2006 07:39:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

What he said!!!

Except I don't know who Mrs B is.

1/26/2006 07:56:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

She told us not to kid ourselves, so I won't. From now on I'm telling it like it is.


1/26/2006 08:09:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...


...oh wait, are you sure?

1/26/2006 08:49:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

you are SO right about the things we say about ourselves. would we hang around with anyhone who said shitty things about us? of course not. (i hope not...)
so why do we say shitty things about ourselves?

1/26/2006 09:37:00 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

I apologize before sex..does that count?

1/26/2006 09:52:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

cas, are you THAT bad in bed?

1/26/2006 09:56:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...


people diss themselves because...well...have you ever tried NOT hanging around yourself? It's a bit hard to do.

1/26/2006 10:12:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

elle: seriously dude try it k?

md: what's the colbert report? someone mentioned a book about a woman who was dating that way on... yeah lsd's blog. i wonder if it's the same woman.

so it's not just me? women really do do that?

mike: go to oregon! it's so damm gorgeous there, especially the coast.

i'd like to move to india for a while.

JM: look i'm not saying i don't WANT the comments, i totally do, i just wish y'all would stop dissing yourselves.

i love the blog length comments and i've left several on other folks' blogs so what the fuck right? so please... comment on. hell write a post and i'll post it.

nat's not going to cancun?


nat: damm dude looking forward to hearing what's up with the condo. hope it's nothing too annoying.

1/27/2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

matt: naughty is as naughty does

cast: die now.

also? that sounds scary as hell but i bet yo'ure really glad that you had the experience.

you want to shag all of them? hrm hoping i'm up to hot again (and think i may be actually)

mike: mrs. b. is my mother. i'm ms. b. :)

cast: revolutionise on. got some beatles here to inspire you.

mike: i'm getting confused :)

terry: thank you. that's just what i've been thinking for a few years now. i just didn't realise that most the women do it until i got a blog.

cas: *lmao* thank you for joining in the fun on my blog.

mike: i'll let cas answer that.

cast: yeah but learning to like yourself is better than the alternative isn't it?

1/27/2006 12:07:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

first off, let me apologize for what I'm about to say, because I'm sure it's full of shit and, you know, I really don't know WHAT I'm talking about ...

... but here's to laughter! cheers!

1/27/2006 02:39:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

Yes, learning to like yourself is the key. If you find yourself picking yourself apart about something, write that something down then look to change it. Remember that change comes from within.

You? Hot? I think you're the benchmark for the hotness! :D

1/27/2006 06:34:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

Sass: the "all we have to lose" thing was a play on the Marxist revolution line "Workers of the world, Unite! All we have to lose is our chains!"

Cas (casually me), I hope you know I was kidding.

1/27/2006 07:06:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dzer: *snerk!*

cast: that's some cool advice actually. i have an elephantine memory so i remember that sort of crap anyway but a lot of people could benefit from it.

aww you're sweet.

mike: oh of course! wasn't that with it last night... you'll see why in my post later today.

1/27/2006 08:34:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Ohhhh...annoying would be nice... this is not annoying this is water fucking torture. But Y'all shall hear about it in a few days :)


1/27/2006 08:46:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

oh nat!


1/27/2006 09:04:00 AM  
Blogger grainne said...

I am not sure that I see it as women being apologetic but maybe more of being cautious not to offend you so they try to downplay what they have said by making light of it or insulting themselves. You know how women can be....always trying to be careful and not hurt anyone's feelings even if they hurt themselves.

When are you going to get Mr Cast back to blogging? I never thought I was going to miss lurking in his blog...~chuckle~ lurking seems to be mostly what I do these days.

As for the critters and spending time with them....I brought home two new critters yesterday - pair of sweet little peach faced lovebirds who were interested in me at lunch yesterday on a bench in downtown. Popped them into my blouse, took them to the office where I popped them into a box and brought them home. You know you are in trouble when you go for a walk at lunch and end up with a couple of more beaks to feed and to keep the cats away from ! There is a small flock of wild lovebirds in the park but I think these wanted to have a home again....strange to have a bird pick you as an owner instead of the human making the choices!

1/27/2006 09:51:00 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

It seems the world shares a mental wavelength right now. Iwas sort of talking about the same thing. Not really appologising for it, trying to explain why I write what I do really. But women do applogise a lot. I had theis friend in Uni who was from Gile and told me Canadians are WAY too appologetic and the women are the worst. She said we should just do waht we want and we'd be happier. Most of my friends thought she was rude, so what does that tell you?

I don't like to appologise but I will if it's really obvious I AM wrong, and it happens - otherwise I just go on with it and see what happens. You still planning that trip to NYC? When is it again?

1/27/2006 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

grainne: okay i can see what you're saying with that. but in text it comes across as not believing that the things you say are worth saying. course text can be misleading as hell.

if you were to click on mr. cast's name when he comments you might find a blog. can't swear to it :)

oh wow that's so sweet that they picked you. my cat mouse did that and i love her more for it every day.... congrats on your new friends!

amber: i've noticed that thoughts are never unique. it always seems that whatever i'm thinking about is out there in the emotional energy bands and that half the people i know are thinking about the same things. mui weird but cool.

where's gile?

hey i say sorry when i'm wrong and since i'm canadian i say sorry when you step on my foot BUT i try not to apoligise for having thoughts in my head.

uh last weekend of august like the 26th.

1/27/2006 11:47:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

graine: anotherncbeachbum.blogspot.com I think is mine. I'll purty it up sometime over the weekend.

1/27/2006 01:48:00 PM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Wait... I think I said something for a moment....


yeah, i have no idea what that was. I hear myself all the time but never listen really.

that's great advice, if only I'd taken it when I had that 12th drink I'd have been cool!

1/30/2006 10:53:00 AM  

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