'gasm

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okay i emailed my ex

we're having coffee

*deep breath*

this is fucking weird territory man, on ancient maps this would have been marked here be dragons if nothing else.

but it feels good, like a release. and he thanked me for doing it and said that he wanted to do it too. damm i love my instincts sometimes.
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okay so.

oh my god.

i invented another 'gasm. uh huh i did. it's called a footgasm and it is what happened to me today. you see, way back when i told my lovely client b that i had never had a manicure or a pedicure.

she was aghast.

*i* was clueless as to why.

so she gave me a mani/pedi for christmas and i never went and did it. i kept meaning to you know but i just never quite did. so finally i had to phone them and ask them to renew my gift certificate and so i suggested to her that we go together.

so we did.

so i smoked a teeny bit of weed on my way out of work and ran off to the spa for my treat and there were robes and little rubber thong sandals in my size and lockers with magical combination tricks and so on.

and then out i went to meet her in the waiting area which is a lounge with bowls of pears and apples and biscotti lying on little tables that have current magazines on them. and you sit your little terry cloth robe covered ass on these delicious chairs and consider the tea menu before wandering over to the little buffet area...

the little buffet covered with teas [energy, relax, monsoon chai, etc], hot water, tiny jars of honey, coffee and four kinds of water. i know, i was stunned. cucumber, orange, lemon and plain.

and that's just the waiting area! i hadn't had long enough to properly relax because i wasted time smoking weed after that class so our ladies came to get us slightly too soon but that's okay because yeah...


out we come into this marble hallway that has these glass panes set into the floor with little water fountains that come up and hit them and it's all lit from underneath and the side and there are lovely containers with interesting things arranged inside of them in nooks on the walls.

they bring us to a room with these crazy stations at them and have us choose our polishes and then we plop ourselves into these captain picard looking chairs with our feet in little tubs of water and we get to play the change the intensity game on the chair backs and in the water. oh man.

so i'm sitting there getting a back massage and a hot foot bath with jets and this woman starts to toy with my feet. she takes one out of it's warm oasis and clips the nails and trims the cuticles and then she gently puts it back in the bath before she does the other foot. i can't tell you all the things she did but i know i was pumiced and clipped and trimmed and rubbed and dremmeled and lotioned and oiled all interspersed with repeated bathings.

and then... *song of exaltation* she takes this mix of lavender and sea salt and oil and she rubs my foot with it all over and gently exfoliates up to my KNEE with this stuff. up to my knee! and then plops the foot in the water and rinses off my whole leg. god it felt so good.

more clipping and filing and oiling follow and then...

then? they take these little bags filled with delicious hotness and wrap your feet in them and the delicious hotness is in fact paraffin wax which is sooo hot and then it cools and sorta molds to your foot and you just sit there and die of happiness.

i'm not kidding. i will willingly pay a hundred bucks to do that again. i'm getting my mother one for her birthday. i'm serious.

eventually she *sob* removes the paraffin and sorta finishes off your foot a little bit before doing the magical polish job (sparkly lavender!) and some cuticle oiling and sending you on your way.

that takes seventy five minutes.

dudes my feet are blissed out like i can't even begin to tell you.

and then?

oh my god they did my hands!

they rub some stuff on your hands and then drop them in little warm and soapy baths that have little warm pebbles in them. i am not making this up. following this your nails are trimmed and filed and your cuticles are fixed and your nails are smoothed and oiled and all the while they keep getting covered in something and dropped in the little warm water oasis bowl on the table.

and then she whipped out the lotion and started the massage. oh good christ. all the way to my elbows and since SHE CLIMBS she even did the right PLACES!

and then? yeah more of the magical paraffin!

okay so you figure at that point that you must have exhausted the possibilities that encompass this wondrous oasis of joy and spoiling and peace? but you haven't.

oh no because now? while your hands are dying of glee in their paraffin bags? now the magical lady MASSAGES YOUR SHOULDERS!

oh god it was wonderful!

she even pressed hard.

she finished up with the nail buffing and the final sorta finishing touches on my cuticles (i went with buff over polish due to climbing)

and then to ease you out of this wondrous experience you get to go and sit on your butt in these lounging areas and watch HOCKEY/whatever you like while nibbling more biscotti and having more tea and water and...

oh man you guys.

if there's a hyatt in your town that has a spa? go get a mani pedi!

(yes it's worth whatever it costs)
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and then i came home to a really good email from my ex. i'm feeling good about this. weird, really weird... but good