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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

little black festering jewels

.
i've been thinking a lot about lying lately... about all the different ways that people lie to themselves and others and moreso about the repercussions of those lies. i'm not referring to the little white lie where you tell someone their new blouse is okay because they are clearly in love with it and although you think it's not so great you're not going to step on the boost they get from wearing it. [yes i used an example that has not happened in years... so no one think i mean you]

i mean if it was flat out bad? don't even wear it to visit your grandmother bad? i would so tell them. and i would definetely tell them it was only date four worthy and not date one.

regardless, that kind of fib is utterly harmless... and you will note i did not say 'i love the blouse.'

[i cannot shake the feeling that i've written this post before... if y'all have read it, tell me where it is, i can't find it]

and i can totally see how you might tell someone a lie that you think is just a small fib and then sort of over time realise that it isn't. so i've been developping some guidelines.

don't laugh, i think about everything i do and i try to sort of figure out what i'll do in whatever situation comes up. i also think about what i *did* do in certain situations and about how i will change said things the next time i'm in that boat.

i guess i take 'learn from your mistakes' a little more seriously than the average joe.

fair enough since i got a lot of bruises when i was a kid. thinking about your actions became kinda de rigeur when i was still hella young. that and all my friends were books so my brain works like a first person narrator.

'i'm sorry i'm late there was traffic/subway delay' is an acceptable fib which can be translated to mean any of:
. i left late
. i was smoking weed
. i didn't really feel like showing up
. d-uh slept in!
. there was only ten minutes left in my show
. etc

relatively harmless so on a going to hell scale it's about a one.

'of course i would never fuck your wife' is never an acceptable lie. it's especially unnacceptable when you're still wiping her off your face. and right up there with 'i would never/have never cheated on you' while you're hiding the lipstick smudge on your collar.

those are the easy ends of the spectrum right? i mean assuming that you're a relatively honest person who tries to tell the truth or at least tells the truth when it's easy for you then you can sort of see that what i said above is pretty much truth.

i don't care if you're cheating on your partner, have some balls/ovaries and talk to them about it. better yet? talk to them BEFORE you cheat, while you're still tempted but unsinned. [this does not include open relationships, in those you're only cheating if you break the terms you and your partner agreed to]

i used to think that it was okay to lie to your friends. you know, if they don't want to hear something why should you tell them? i mean sure that BO is terrible but it might hurt their feelings. well you know what? it hurts them more when you lie to them...

why?

because then not only do they have to deal with whatever it was you couldn't bear to tell them but they also have to deal with their trusted friend being a liar. i'm not really talking lies of omission here by the way. i mean if i walk right up to you and look you in the face and ask you a question?

tell me the fucking truth.

if you think it's what i don't want to hear? ESPECIALLY tell me the fucking truth.

i'm trusting you as someone i care for and who cares for me to tell me the truth. worse? i'm ASSUMING that you'll tell me the truth. therefore when you lie to me i'm going to take it as the god's honest truth and go about my merry way thinking that my outfit works, that it really doesn't bug people when i interrupt them, that you care about me, that i really should buy that whatever, that you will never share a secret i've told you... whatever.

i mean you're my dear friend and i can trust you right? you won't lie to me right?

or as my sister says? your friends are the people who tell you the hard truths when you need to hear them. i am so badly paraphrasing her *grin*

the thing here is that when you lie to your friends? [note i do NOT say fib] or when you lie to your loved ones? that may well be the easier answer right that second. it's always going to feel easier to you because people don't really lie about the easy stuff. it's just that it's never the easy way in the long run see?

here's the thing;

when i find out that you lied to me? (and i don't mean told me you liked my shirt fyi) when i know categorically that you lied to me? when no matter how i slice it i can't find a way that that could have been accidental? when, even worse, you lie to me and then to my friends ABOUT lying to me?

well that negates our whole friendship now doesn't it?

some of you are wondering why the one leads to the other. some of you know.

it's tragically simple really. now that i know you are willing to lie to me about something that actually matters i must needs then question every single other thing we ever said to each other. i have to go back over it and figure out where you lied to me this time or that time.

i have to wonder at every single solitary NOISE that comes out of your mouth whether you're lying again or not. and you know what? it's not worth it.

it's just not. i'll maybe try to believe that it is for a while but it isn't. there's just too much drama attached. hell even leah mclaren thinks you should cut liars out of your life. or if you can't you should at least communicate only tersely with them and only as necessary. [i hate that i'm agreeing with her here... column is called 'five simple rules for cutting the drama' - march 10]

the older i get the more i think it must be true.

and by the way liars who are reading this? if you apologise unprompted and try to reform then those of us that are sincere and honest? stupid enough to take you back as friends. if you deny and pretend it didn't matter? not so much.

i used to think that all you really needed to do was be aware that they were liars. i used to think things like 'just because she's sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend doesn't mean she'll lie to me'

um what?

yes it does.

and therein lies the problem. somehow, when you lie to your friends and loved ones you negate your entire relationship with them. woe is thee when they find out.

and yet somehow? more woe to your friends. they're the ones staring at the ceiling and shaking their heads wondering how they could have trusted you in the first place. you're just the liar who is off to lie to someone else.

how is that fair?

36 Comments:

Blogger HuneeB said...

Liars :(

and again I am not talking about the little white lie (although I think if your friend lets you walk around with something in your teeth they are not really your friend...hell I tell strangers when they have something in their teeth) I am tlaking about LIARS...they just really suck, it makes you question people and their intentions and shakes my trust of people...I don't like it so much. I don't want to assume that everything that comes out of people's mouths are lies...I want to believe that people are still good...am I naive Sass? I know I am young so I still have many more lessons in life to learn and grow from but does that mean that I have to loose faith in mankind and think that human nature is evil? IF it does then I don't think that I want to grow up... :( Did I just miss the point? Sorry it's late...

5/03/2006 02:59:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

Hey I just noticed you linked me, how cool is that :) Thanks luv!

5/03/2006 03:00:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hunee i adore you. i tell people their flies are down too! but yes *liars* are different.

that's just what it is. i don't mind the deceit so much as my own shaken trust. that's the part of it that gets me every time it happens. it makes it just that tiny bit harder to believe that the next person that you meet might be okay.

hunee if you're naive? so am i. and i still am fully convinced it's the wya to be. i will approach you with cautious but willing trust, sincerity and goodwill. i will expect the same in return and be sad when i do not get that. but i will try every time to stay willing and open.

no you didn't miss the point at all. i'm sort of extra cursing the liars for making the nice people doubt themselves for being nice. that's just messed up.

welcome!

5/03/2006 03:14:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

:) Thanks

5/03/2006 03:22:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

"i will approach you with cautious but willing trust, sincerity and goodwill. i will expect the same in return and be sad when i do not get that. but i will try every time to stay willing and open."


I LOVE THIS!

5/03/2006 03:23:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Last year around this time, I found out a friend of mine that I have had for over 20 years was lying to me........our frienship has never been the same.

5/03/2006 08:29:00 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

A lie is a lie is a lie. Honestly, the more you accept the little lies, the smaller and easier the big lies become. No high horse here, just stating the truth *grin* as I see it.

One of the things I'm proudest of my kids for, is that they'll always tell the truth, even when it's going to get them in trouble...and it has.
It takes a good size set of balls to get in the habit of telling the truth, but then it's so much easier not having to remember your lies, or living in fear you've not covered your tracks.

5/03/2006 09:32:00 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

We are of the same heart on this one, and with my bulk we are going to be facing a massive coronary some time real soon.

5/03/2006 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

People think I'm niave. I think it's that I seem so young. Yea usually I find chronic liars will start off with me telling me about the lies they've told to others. It really puts them on the people I know list, not the trusted friend list. I keep lists because I find it helps to shuffle people around in priority when the lying starts. It seems lying is like breathing these days. Sometimes it's they lie to blow you off, and I HATE that so they hit the bottom of the list of people I know, othertimes it's that everything coming out of their mouths contradicts or is shaped for whoever they are speaking to at the moment. It easy to notice and I usually call them on it, which gets me demoted as a confidant fast.

I am guilty of practicing tactless honest, though I have lied shamelessly to get out of going to work. I AM SO JUDGING anyone who lies to me. It gets them on a specially reserved list of bullshitters not to believe. Because you ALWAYS find out.

5/03/2006 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger white_devil said...

there is nothing wrong with lying..ive been lying this whole time..I am really a woman.

5/03/2006 11:24:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hunee: :)

thanks, i added it to another truths post i'm doing (that won't be done for ages but that's a 'nother story) ... i'm glad you pointed it out, i would have missed it.


kristen: damm dude. that's fucked up. you'd think after twenty years your friend would have had the balls to tell the truth.


kathi: i totally agree although i confess that i don't always tell the truth per se. like when i used to hang out with rock bands and they would ask me how the set was. if they were good but the sound man fucked up i would tell them. but if they weren't so good i usually just said they looked good. cop-out. these days i would be more truthful.

i don't know how i really feel about little fibs but i know i nearly never tell them. hell sometimes i'll tell one and then catch myself and apologise with the truth *laughing*

so although my post implies that i'm okay with them i'm really not. they just aren't lies that i care about.

your kids do that because you showed them how. and you're right to be proud of them. i used to be a liar you see... i didn't have much choice because my dad didn't trust me but it did make for some nasty habits.


cas: have i told you lately how glad i am you're back in blogland?

also? please don't have a coronary that would suck.

5/03/2006 11:44:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

amber: people tell me that i'm naive all the time and i don't care. they rarely believe i'm my own age either. i think it's a testament to the power of honest living and exercise (although i look older since i lost some weight...)

i so don't get people who tell you their lies as though you'll be impressed. like hello why would i ever trust you now?

i don't write down my lists but they're easy to remember. there's the dear friends, the close friends, the party pals and the liars. :)

i have been guilty of lying due to weird life organization. even recently. but i don't blow off my friends. i do occasionally fail to tell my clients the actual truth about why i'm cancelling their session. not often though and only with the uptight ones (or the judges)

it's funny though, it's the ones who tell that one tiny perfectly placed lie. they kill you... the habitual liars are a lot easier to see coming.

everyone lies to get out of work. i don't even think it counts... well it does but it's not the same.

and yeah, you do always find out. and frankly it's easier in the long run not to have to remember the lies.


devil: cool. are you hot too? :)

got pics?

*chuckles*

5/03/2006 12:05:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

WORD McWord...that is it :)

But the thing about the little fibs is that they have a way of surfacing and then I still will not know whether to trust that person again.

:(

-N

5/03/2006 01:44:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: that's my problem too.

i recognize that there is a tiny little gray area covered by things like 'i'm allergic to eggplant' because i'm just tired of explaining that i hate every single kind of eggplant i've EVER tried and i really don't have the energy to have the argument again.

this comes in handy with waiters...

and yet, i don't say that to my friends, with my friends i have big long explanation time isntead...

so yeah i totally get what you're saying i just also see that that can be a slightly gray area...

5/03/2006 03:47:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: you know it's funny. since you posted this comment i've been racking my brain trying and trying to come up with an acceptable lie that doesn't have to do with not showing up for work.

and i can't do it.

5/03/2006 07:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Princess Valium said...

Sass is a liar! She likes baba ganouj and therefore does in fact like a permutation of eggplant. (Insert smiley here)

Confession: I am a liar. Yes, blogpeeps, I lie regularly, and I have for my entire life. But I submit that those lies I tell fall under Sass' 'fib' category.

Examples:
- All the lies I told my parents as a child so as to avoid an epic beating, and the lies I continue to tell them in order to preserve everyone's sanity.
- All the lies I tell to my boss and co-workers, mainly about my reasons for being late (tired, preferred web surfing over being on time). There are also myriad lies of omission, because hey! I need to be employed and making nice is a good way to not get fired.
- Lies that lessen collateral damage. Like, if I have to dump someone, I feel strongly that the dumpee requires an explanation. The explanation does not need to contain every transgression and reason for the dumpage. An honest but carefully-worded explanation will do. Case in point: I once dumped a guy for being close to 40, living in a rat-infested basement, having a low-paying, dead-end job and no ambition to change any of the above. Those are things that, while true, would cause unnecessary pain for the dumpee and would be hard for me, the dumper, to do to someone. So I told him that we had different goals, priorities and worldviews. It worked. He got the drift without being humiliated and I didn't have to unnecessarily humiliate someone else. That being said, when I have to dump a friend or a long-term SO, the explanation is more fulsome and usually the dumping process happens over weeks and months (yes, I like to discuss my feelings).

But I have been busted on bigger lies and have to say-- the guilt sucks. So I don't do it anymore and try to avoid situations where I may be tempted, because it's totally not worth the self-hate.

And when faced with a giant lie that was told to me, I will usually forgive upon a sincere confession, but there's only one chance. Lie again and it's over. Of course, there are dealbreakers like continuing to lie in the face of stark evidence, cheating and criminal activity. These never get a pass. But outside of the dealbreakers, people who have had an impact on my life-- they get a chance to come clean, either on their own or in a confrontation. I figure it's only fair to ask for an explanation before doing anything drastic.

Long comment-- sorry for hijacking your blog!

5/03/2006 08:05:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

loving this topic of discussion.

and i have to agree with princess valium. it's just hard to draw the line on what's okay and what's not... not in the examples you gave, sass.... but in other, grayer areas.

which is probably why it's better not to lie AT ALL!

5/03/2006 09:14:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Sounds like someone is due an ass wuppin'. :)

Telling the hard truth can get you into more crap than it's worth. I was in my office a few weeks ago when the person who sits across the hall and down a few feet comes to me and says "do you think I'm a pain?" (or something like that). Hell yes, but I said "I've never really pondered that question" and went back to work. She stared for a while, said "you can tell me the truth". I did once and she didn't talk to me for a week.

Don't forget the "do I look good in this?". Shit, that one is even worse. If you say yes, you're dead because you're lying. If you say "no" then you're dead for telling the truth.

Cut the fibbers out, also cut out the ones who ask you questions like the above. :)

As far as being full on honest, one of my coworkers had a loud blouse on. Lime green, very tight and..."meh". Ok, she has the breastage so that part was ok. But the color? Holy cow, it looks like someone mixed their liquors then puked. :) I said "the cut is nice, but the color..." and lived to tell about it. She's a friend, I can get away with it.

5/03/2006 09:14:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

a very scary part of me was to realize the possibility of telling such lies because I hadn't the memory to recall what actually happened.

I used to lie. Intentionally. Then, I stopped, then, I learned of this new hybrid version of hurting people that I had been doing without even being aware of. I believe this to be a facet on the rock that crushed my marriage. It killed me to learn that I did it. What's worse is I'm not even sure that I can trust the one who says that this happened.

What I do know is that I now strive to be honest because I have realized the virtue in doing so. I have recently learned from my girlfriend that I have successfully gone 7 months without tarnishing my intentions. It was that which has made me question the validity of the last claim of being dishonest.

awesome post

5/03/2006 09:55:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

I just read this post and kinda thought "wow" the whole way through it.

It's just never the same when you try to trust someone when you know that person has lied to you. And you do also rethink the other instances and conversations and wonder, when was this person being truthful and when not? And what kind of an idiot am I for not knowing the difference? Or that there was a difference to know?

You know what I think is worse though is when people lie to themselves. I know that even when I don't like it, when I face up to my truths it's always a clearer road to redemption than when I keep myself in the dark about things. When you're the only one who knows the truth and yet you keep it from yourself or pretend like it's not really true... who are you hurting?

I see others doing this to themselves sometimes and wish they would snap out of it.

5/03/2006 09:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lies damage the universe.

Seriously, the general mish-mash is defined by
the collective perception of all those in it.

That which is not observed does not exist.
Ultimately it is the responsibility of all
sentient entities to perceive the universe
as accurately as possible. (This is the
fundamental truth behind all science,
and the horribly twisted and lost point
of all religion.)

So people who lie suck. :)

5/03/2006 10:29:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I get the whole don't lie to yourself deal...but then again...how do we as outsiders know for sure someone is lying to themselves.

Example: my mum says that no one who is fat is truly happy. We have had this argument numerous times. I tell her I am happy. She says I am lying to myself about complete happiness because of the weight thing. I say she has not a clue what she is talking about.

All I am saying is sometimes people judge your grasp on reality but only on their own ability or lack thereof to deal with the same situation you are in. In that case, we are the ones in the wrong for judging their reality.

-N

5/03/2006 11:05:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I get the whole don't lie to yourself deal...but then again...how do we as outsiders know for sure someone is lying to themselves.

Example: my mum says that no one who is fat is truly happy. We have had this argument numerous times. I tell her I am happy. She says I am lying to myself about complete happiness because of the weight thing. I say she has not a clue what she is talking about.

All I am saying is sometimes people judge your grasp on reality but only on their own ability or lack thereof to deal with the same situation you are in. In that case, we are the ones in the wrong for judging their reality.

-N

5/03/2006 11:05:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

PV: you know i nearly qualified that one?

for serious.

okay i told my parents tons and tons of lies when i was younger and i still fail to mention things to them that i know will hurt them ... but those things are about me and my choices and i do not consider that lying. i get to choose what information about myself i share.

that said, that too can be lying.

i've definetely lied to my bosses before. sometimes you have to. again i'm not sure that counts...

i don't consider the collateral damage thingy a lie exactly. i don't think it's wrong to speak euphemistically or to lessen an impact on someone. had that man asked you for more details you might have said "i really just can't get over the age difference and our different desires in life" ... not a lie, not the brutal truth either.

absolutely when it's a friend or long term SO the explanation is very different. and usually no explanation is required because it's been coming for ages.

i've been busted in giant lies and had the piss taken out of me for it enough that i don't do it anymore. i'm not sure there's anyone more honest than a reformed liar. i will say i feel in some ways that i was forced to lie just to be able to exist in the family home. so i don't feel that i tarnished myself with them.

i've told big lies though. and paid. and it's the inside of me that's still paying even if no one else cares.

and again regarding the forgiving and the one chance. i'm totally going to forgive you if you cop to your shit and reform. but those dealbreakers for me are the same as well. and of course the people you are deeply connected with get more chances.

and yet still... do you really ever trust them again?

and please, please, hijack my blog. i love the comments, and the long ones are always really interesting.


terry: i used really black and white examples on purpose. i wanted to paint the broad strokes and let y'all fill in the grey...

and yeah i try to never lie but i confess to some pretty huge euphemisms and omissions... :)


cast: heh. now now my posts don't necessarily reflect my life... don't you be assuming. i neither confirm nor deny etc :)

see there is definetely a hard and soft truth line absolutely. there is no need to be brutal or cruel. but again there's a moment where you go from softening or cushioning the blow to pulling it altogether right?

also? with work and coworker relations? i think maybe the rules are different?

"do i look good in this" is not the right question. try on four outfits and y 'which one do i look best in' ... much safer.

i think the general consensus might be that even fibbing isn't okay? there is a certain amount of social grease though... i think avoiding an issue is okay but if pressed i'll cave and tell you what i really think.

sometimes cast telling the truth is all a matter of how you say it rather than what you say...

5/04/2006 01:03:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: i think everyone has that possibility but part of that is just evolution. when i said that i would never pierce my tongue i wans't lying... i just wasn't correctly foreseeing the future. and i don't remember everything i ever said either.

i think most people when they're quite young lie... and then the good ones grow out of it. you're not SURE you can trust her? seems to me that you know damm well that you can't... i mean reinventing reality is her bag right?

honesty really is the best policy. it might hurt but at least it's real.

thanks man.


jmai: thanks!

i'm getting prouder of it the further i get from it.

that's what i'm talking about exactly. you start to question every single thing that you did with them, said to them, heard from them... everything.

at least when people are lying to themselves you can see it and recognize it and sort of work around it. and although i like to shed light into my corners i can't force someone else to do it... but yeah, i try not to do that, i don't think it's healthy.


anonymous: i cannot disagree with you. lies and greed... bad things, and i truly believe that they change the universe. but i think being nice and sincere and honest changes it back.

oh man religion... that's a topic for a week's worth of posts.

and yes, people who lie suck.


nat: that's a very good point. you can only suspect you can read someone's mind, if you actually can can you uh come up here and help me out with a few people?

look no one on earth is completely happy, if they were it would imply a lack of imagination or something. but you seem happy in your skin and comfortable with yourself and more than that unwilling to compromise yourself for popular culture. seems good enough to me so i'm with you as opposed to your mom.

for sure we always project ourselves rather than see the others... well not exactly but pretty much... and i catch myself judging other people far too often...

do i have to answer it twice since you posted it twice? :)

5/04/2006 01:32:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I have so been obsessing about this now. Cause I know I am not perfect and I might ever so often do the "There was a lot of traffic" thing when really traffic was not that bad. But I am always thinking that truths have a way of finding their way out and do I really want people thinking I am the kind of person who would just rather make up something than own up to the fact that she overslept.

The things is...sometimes people almost prefer the lie. If I tell my boss, I am gonna be late cause I need to sleep in cause I am so tired this week... that wouldn't fly. If I say I will be late cause I have a doctor's appointment, no one will crow. But what if then she asks about the appointment? Then I would have to go into an elaborate lie. And that's just not cool. So the little fibs can turn ugly. Not only that but if you get away with the little ones you might start doing it more often. Scary downward spiral of untruth!!!!

I will shut up now.

-N

5/04/2006 08:38:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

And stoopid blogger for posting twice!

-N

5/04/2006 08:49:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: i am too a little. because althought i rationally accept little white lies i also don't do them much. other than traffic instead of i left late... and i'm usually never very late anyway because i'm a self employed teacher.

i never say doctor's appointment stuff unless i have a desperate need to miss a whole morning and even then i'm more likely to say physio or something closer to reality...

i know it's a scary downward spiral, it's why i don't do it... except i do on occasion right?

i used to have to lie to survive my home... it's hard to find a happy line now.

please don't shut up!

5/04/2006 08:53:00 AM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

It's not fair, and it's one of the hardest parts of life to deal with.

One of my favorite friends, a very charismatic guy, was also quite the liar. That was hard to figure out, because I loved hanging out with him so much. When you were around, you were special. People vied for his attention, which is of course what he desired.

In the end, I just cut off ties. As we grew up, he changed considerably. That said, it left a mark on our friendship that will never go away.

5/04/2006 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Puffin said...

You know...there is just no room for liars...You can't ever trust a liar...Even with the smallest detail...
It's one thing If you are recalling something to the best of your ability and you are just wrong. Simple mistake, but to make something up just to mislead someone else...Nope...No room for it.

5/04/2006 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

matt: yeah it really is.

i had a friend just like that once. he was so fucking awesome except for that one little lying problem. i eventually realised that i didn't trust him so i did the same thing... but it was hard and i still miss that imaginary friend.

i suppose if there was changing we could start up again but i find it hard to imagine.


puffin: it's true you know... and yet still i might blame traffic over my own laziness... but even then i'll usually end up telling the truth (unless it's work and then it's always traffic :)

yeah of course, we all screw up details and facts because memories are fallible but that's no thte same thing at all.

and yeah, you're right :)

5/04/2006 12:03:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

I CANNOT lie.

I suck at it. Large.
I hate it.
I feel miserable about it.
I stammer.
I blush.
I shake.
I get quiet after.

I'd get caught every time if I bothered.

I'm brutally fucking honest, and have TOTALLY been called naive in the past for it. Also for expecting it from others.

I get SO much more angry about the lie than the transgression 100% of the time.

Recent conversation with A.

Him: He's lying. I don't know about what, but something.

Me: I don't think he is. What makes you say that?

Him: All men lie

Me: Why would you do that?

Him: Because we think that by lying we make things easier on everyone and we're too stupid to learn that it doesn't.

Me: I really don't think he is...


That said, I lied to my doctor yesterday, which is terrible. I told her I don't smoke pot. Which is about as big a fucking transgression as I can imagine. And I still don't know why I did it.

She had on her chart, from last year's physical that I did. So either she knows I'm full of shit, or she thinks I quit.

It came out before I even thought about it, and that really disturbed me, because usually I'm honest and THEN think that maybe the white lie woulda been better...

5/04/2006 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger Will said...

Pot is digusting and I never touch the stuff!

It takes good, art-loving, open-minded people and turns them into hypertensive, bible thumping, wife beating child molesters! It ruins lives and destroys families! It makes you believe that Orlando Bloom actually has leading-man qualities in Kingdom of Heaven! It makes Leah McLaren's (recent) columns seem to make sense! It forces people to use too many exclamation points!!!!

!!! <--see? That happened because I smoked marijuana. Still think pot is cool?


Wow. Ya know what, Sass? You're right. Lies take a lot of energy to maintain, and for no discernable benefit.

The worst kind of lies are the ones told by people of authority. There is *always* damage whenever we lie or somebody lies to us, but the real devestation occurs when somebody we - as a whole - want to/need to trust steers us down a course for their own personal gain. Try being a good parent and strive to teach your children not to lie...only to be undermined completely by some jackass in Washington.

Sorry. I really didn't mean to turn this into a political vent, but c'mon - some lies have the half-life of plutonium. Some lies cannot be ameliorated in our lifetime, and some may never be at all.

I used to lie a lot, too. I don't know why - even now. It's like any truly Bad Thing in your life, in that you almost always have to hit bottom before you can find the strength to say, "This is it. The end. No more, ever again." Amazing what effect that moment has on a life.

5/04/2006 06:46:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

md: i am tragically good at it. i don't want to be but i am. i'm not kidding, if i want to lie to you you won't know it. that's not a skill i'm proud of but it has served me vanishinly well at very strange times.

i hate it, i feel miserable about it, but i'm damm good at it because first i talk myself into believing it.

i am nonetheless brutally honest except i really like to lead people slowly to the brutal truth. it tends to be easier on them in the long run.

and if being honest and sincere makes me naive then the people who say that can suck my dick. and i am utterly with you. you can do nearly anything to me and i'll forgive it but if you lie and you lie? forget it.

i'm very curious what you and A were talking about... and tragically i know many many men who still think that's true about the lying being easier.

wow dude that is weird, wonder why you did that. especially your doc who should know right?


will: yeah that pot... i hear it leads to TEA!

also? *giggling*

i didn't see kingdom of heaven, is it really that bad? i heard it was atrocious so you know... look the only reason i got so angry at ms. mclaren is because i love her column. to get royally dissed by her was really irritating.

oh man dude the !!! virus!!!

shit i have it too!!!!

dude it's just not worth it in the long run. strange but true that lying is never easier. you'd think it was but no.

i'm not sure i can agree that there's any worst kind of lie. i can agree on some of the least offensive easily but it would have to be a collective group for the worst ones.

that said, the jackass in washington is going down in history as one of the worst and yet strangely most effective liars ever. big brother baby.

what do you think you got out of the lies that you weren't getting out of telling the truth? [and i don't mean when you were in a situation where you were protecting someone else... that's a whole 'nother discussion... and still probably not good lying to do]

rant on will, i love your kind of comment. well i love them all, but i always like the long ones ...

that moment is key, happened to me when i chose to be positive.

5/04/2006 11:55:00 PM  
Blogger Will said...

Point taken, but I still believe there are different "levels" of lies. There's a big difference, in the scheme of things, between me telling you "I like your blouse" when I really don't, and someone in a position of power lying to the world and affecting the lives of millions of people. The latter is worse.

Kingdom of Heaven? I liked it, thought it was ok. But Orlando Bloom just doesn't have 'it,' you know? Liam Neeson would've been perfect, but they kill him off 10 minutes into the movie.
Scale of 1-10? I'd give it a 6.5

5/05/2006 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

will: absofuckinglutely. i just mean that there's a lot of 'worst' lies that i can think of. your example is absolutely one of the supremely shitty ones for sure though.

but like 'i am not a pedophile' or 'i would never embezzle millions' or 'of course the enron accounting department is honest' or... :)

yeah i like orlando as the quirky romantic interest WHEN there is someone there to take the lead in the film. like oh johnny depp for example *grin*

5/05/2006 11:26:00 AM  

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