scales

.
you know that question?

the one that goes "on a scale of one to ten..."

well that question pisses me the fuck off. like so much.

no, it really does:
x: on a scale of one to ten, how much does it hurt?
s: have you ever been in shitty chronic pain for more than a year? two?
x: what does that have to do with anything?
s: have you ever crawled up the stairs to the bathroom
x: yes
s: while sober?
x: no
s: you don't understand what six is in my world.

and they don't.

i was bleeding out of my urethra (god that's ridiculously fun to say as long as it NEVER fucking happens again) and it hurt so much i made little mewling noises when i peed.

[EVERY.FIVE.MINUTES.!!!!!!]

oh wait you don't get it. i wear bruises with pride, ask anyone.

so yeah, with the mewling noises? i was fucking dying. and they're asking me scale of one to ten.

i can't begin to answer that question without asking what 10 is in their world. and do they mean
acute or long term?
current or ever?
bearable or no?

what?

like elle. elle, i can tell you without ever having met her or spoken to her on the phone, has a pain tolerance that average mortals cannot comprehend. and yes, we still whine about papercuts.

what? human okay?

this rant brought to you by the word relatively in my previous post. the one where i told you about chucking the very nice man. i was thinking about it when i read it again today.

i said that telling someone i'm not into them the right way was relatively unpleasant.

and i got to thinking. what if the worst thing that ever happened to you was that your date stood you up on prom night?
*snerk*
or.. uh
your mom spanked you once cause you stuck your finger in a light socket
or...
*giggling*
you got a D!
or
whatever you get the gist. for you, telling a nice man that you just aren't there is going to be the worst thing ever.

but... if the worst thing that ever happened to you involved the death of an immediate family member or the long slow leaving of an ailing pet or some really oprah worthy and true tales of your childhood ["my parents were on jerry springer. twice together, my mom twice more and my dad just that one other time"] (sorry, i know what really shitty childhood means {know social workers} and my heart goes out to anyone who had one. if you're IN one? call a helpline. no really... as soon as it's safe.)?

then it would be significantly less shitty to do that. like a lot. just because on a scale of one to shitty your shitty meter is really fucking high.

like elle's pain tolerance high. or mine...

now if you get both of those people to describe that same experience one of them would put it at like nine and the other somewhat lower. but it isn't like either of them had a good time.

relatively unpleastant. man i'm a git.

that said? i could tell stories.

i think weight is turning out to be a scale now and not the kind where you weigh yourself. the richer you are the thinner you are. only the super rich can afford to be that thin and still be alive and pretending to look healthy.

i suspect many of them have terrible skin up close... but that the rest are just that odd tiny hipped body type.

"rank the following images in order of wealth..."

*imagines scale with kirstie alley a couple of years ago, [i know nothing of money in hollywood] britney spears now, jennifer aniston and kristen french* you'd probably get it right if you did it by weight.

[notes that she meant kristen johnston rather than french and that nicole kidman would have been a better choice. further notes that she mixed up french saunders and kristen johnston of third rock's names...]

okay britney then would rank higher than britney now...

"on a scale of one to eight, with eight being least dislike and one being most dislike..."

um what?

seriously what are you trying to ascertain? how much i hate the ass reaming you're trying to find out if you can hand me?

'well sir, twenty seven percent of voters eighteen to twenty five were in favour of..."

in favour of what? just exactly what was the question? and who formulated it?

holy shit i just started arguing the quebec referendum!

[hey if you're not canadian. quebec sort of wants to separate, mostly, well a lot but not really and so they keep not voting to separate by like one percent. and last time there was some kind of supreme court of canada (but who recognizes that in separate quebec?) ruling about a clear majority AND a clear question and then they started arguing about who decides it's a clear question and {oy vey!} so on]

i know that those questions are designed to get the answers they need fast and easy. but what are they losing in translation? what did the voters want in quebec that year? i read the question and i don't fucking know.

do they want to know if i can sleep with the pain or if i'll lie awake all night and cry or do they want to know if i can bear to make it until morning?

if i say six what does that mean to you?