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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Sunday, July 10, 2005

The anticlimax

do not click that link. That is the soul sucking cable company to whom I attempted to hand my digital cable box today. After the incompetent lady on the phone told me to return it to 'any soul sucking cable company video store' i did. They wouldn't take it. Apparently the cable part of the store is closed on sundays and I'm only allowed to rent movies.

Yeah, that'll happen.

So there I was, cable box in hand, all hot and ready to cancel my cable and then... they wouldn't take it. Talk about all dressed up and no one to blow. I was a bit miffed. So I phoned to do it instead AND I still have to GO to the store to return the damm box. It was so much less satisfying. Sort of like the difference between skin to skin contact and hugging while wearing sumo outfits.

Wait, that sounds fun!

Anyway the point is that I cancelled my cable. Fully cancelled. Didn't keep basic or anything, just killed it dead. Dead and gone. I feel sort of strangely free but a little perturbed. I will have to fill SO many hours of the week in the winter now with other things... and since my mj sabbatical looks to be turning me into a much more occasional user I won't even be able to get high every day to distract myself from my lack of tv.

Not that you get high when you do it every day.

Which is sort of the point of chucking it for a while. I miss getting silly when I smoke and it stopped happening years ago. Probably about when I started to self medicate for pain after my accident... or alternately before that but I can't really tell anymore.

So now when I go to band practise or once in a while with pals I'll smoke (or the whole long weekend) but yesterday when I smoked I noticed something interesting. Rampant paranoia set in. Like weirdly rampant. I started to get all worried about all my jobs and to wonder what I would eat with next month and just crazy talk as though I had no power over my own destiny. I have decided to blame this on the weed/lack of sleep/crappy class/exam stress... but it's something to notice.

Did my heart always race when I smoked? Was I always paranoid? Am I actually a non mellow and in fact angry person? Do I have any ambition? Do I care if I have any ambition?

Right this second I wish I had a digital camera, I went to the climbing gym and I got my first official injury where there was bleeding! This hasn't happened to my hands in years and I sort of want a picture.

Incidentally I can hardly feel my fingers which is adding a whole new dimension to this typing thing. Well it's not that I can't feel them as much as the muscles that control them are PISSED at me. No dude, like pissed. I have to move my whole arm to move my hand right now and I almost dropped my dinner while I was making it. Damm I feel great.

I still suck though... I reach for these giant holds and my hands just will NOT hold them. Worse I don't dance on the wall anymore I just sort of grunt my way up things! That's okay... least I'm ON the wall!

On a rather weird sidenote...

My kitten is in heat. Again.

Tragically I CANNOT afford the fixing because my vet is the Countess of Cats but she's a little more expensive than I can bear. So I looked up how to give cats in heat some relief in a preferably non grody way. Came across this.

Being the total pov that I currently am (still paying for sappho) I can't really incur more debt with my vet. Like I just can't. I owe as much as the spay would cost and my income is not guaranteed.


I tried it.

Yeah it's freaking weird but she's such a lady it's not nearly as traumatic as the article suggests AND she shut the HELL UP and I got some sleep. It was blissful. Er not the part where you do odd things to your cat but the part where she shuts the hell up and acts normal for 5 or 6 hours.

You have no idea what bliss is encompassed by silence until you either live with a cat in heat or in a construction zone. Trust me on this one.