perspective is a bitch

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so some shit is happening in my life right now that i can't talk about... but it has served to make my 'problems' into the tiny bumps in the road that they really are.

that perspective, she's a bitch.

someone close to me isn't well. please don't think you can guess and please don't think that i will elaborate. if i were going to i would have already. i will only say that it isn't inherently life threatening and that it is chronic.

so i've been here before.

just because you've stood on a pile of shit before doesn't make it any more fun to do it again.

what's interesting about this is that i have a large pile of bullshit happening in my life these days. people are having entire relationships with me that i'm not participating in. some friends are letting me down. family is having some troubles. finances are in the toilet pretty hard and don't appear to be improving anytime soon. body hurts. weight appears to be going up (i think my eyes are broken). many friends and loved ones are losing their friends and loved ones. car is in a mood [mechanic thinks it's gas related, will let you know in a tank or so]. dating is well... dating. friends are in or having trouble. you know the general things in life that can weigh us down.

and suddenly none of it matters at all.

friends disappointing me? irrelevant.

owing my best friend money because my car needed it? unimportant

dating? don't care

fat and sore? uh what?

none of it matters a whit. something actually important has just been dropped on my head and has served to remind me that my ridiculous mini crush on my weed dealer is totally irrelevant to my life (which it is anyway, he smokes and it's one of those convenience crushes... i think) and that the rent will get paid and that my car is important but not the be all and and and

none of it fucking matters.

what matters is that someone that i love dearly is ill pretty seriously and i am concerned about them to the depths of my being.

if only perspective came a little easier sometimes.
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where did my stalkers go? jenn's blog is dead and mike changed his nick... so i changed my sidebar :)
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went climbing with hubris last night.

i had taken ten days off because my hands were sore all the time and although i was moving well i felt weak and sort of unable to hold on to anything. like i could do the move but i couldn't hold the hold.

i was falling off things i sent easily the first time i climbed them. i couldn't figure out moves on routes i had sent. it hurt to walk through the door.

so it seemed like a good time to take some time off.

i'm glad that i did too because i climbed my face off last night. i did foolishly work the start of a 5.10- that i've sent before but hubris pointed out that i wasn't following my own 'take your time' advice so i stopped and stuck with the 9's and 8's which is a lot more fun now that they put up some new 9's.

the previous batch of 9's were entirely shitty and at one point the took down all the 7's and most of the 8's so i was having to warm up on 10s which yeah, sucks.

anyway it was lovely and i finished off the night with four round trip laps on a 5.7 that's actually two routes in one. it has two starts and they join together about two thirds of the way up so i went up one side, down the other, back up the side i just came down and then down the side i went up first and then i did it again. so four laps but on two routes.

much fun.

hubris was impressed for some reason.

what impressed me was that it wasn't my hands or my arms or my abs that quit. no it was my toes. these shoes with the toes that push against the tops of my toes are driving my feet nuts. sure they're better for climbing but sometimes my feet are slipping off just because my toes hurt.

either i'll get used to it or declare said shoes dead and get some new ones. in april or so.

more impressive than my laps? salt was there climbing with some buddies and they were working out instead of just climbing. so he started doing laps with weights.

well not exactly laps.

he would climb a route as high as he could (lead climb) with FORTY pounds of weight on his hips and then fall and untie and sort of fast walk over to the next route which he would tie into and climb and on and on. it was truly impressive to watch.

incidentally i got a little lesson in the difference between sexy and obvious from salt and his climbing partner. partner who i'll call howler is climbing in jeans and salt is climbing in jeans and a t-shirt.

guess which one my eye was fixated on?

no, not the muslces (and trust me, howler is fucking ripped yo... ripped in that alternate universe if you could fuck his body and no one would know way... or as hubris says the 'severed head fuck' [and both men have attractive faces]) the t-shirt. i wanted to see under that shirt SO BADLY it was sick.

i think there was a little bit of drool even.

because i could see the suggestion of muscles. i could see that there wasn't any fat. i could tell that somewhere under the baggy jeans was a really nice ass. but i couldn't see them and it was driving me nuts.

so that old adage about the tease being better than the reveal? so true.

at least in my case.