mouthgasms

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oh my fucking god.

oh my god.
oh my god.

seriously you guys cannot imagine the taste sensation in my mouth right now. [hah guttersnipes you know i'm not dating anyone and if i had *that* in my mouth i would NOT be blogging right now] one of my fellow instructors knows of my fascination with excellent chocolate so about a week ago she handed me a little tiny box of bonbons from js bonbons which is a store in toronto that sells chocolate bonbons. (i'm guessing you got the bonbons part from the name)

and holy fuck.
are they EVER good. (and nope, i didn't consider sharing them for a second :P)

they have all these crazy flavours like rosemary or chai tea that i am now just dying to try.

in fact the nice lady from the store and i got into a discussion on the merits of this chocolate over that chocolate and so on. it was great.

so i mentioned that i wasn't going to drop like 6.25 on four little chocolate confections because i hated buying chocolate without trying it. anyway so my friend buys me a little box of four.

i may never forgive her because you can't imagine how good those little orgasmic explosions of fantastic chocolate and rich complementary flavours actually are. so now? yeah it's ACROSS from the goddess. how am i supposed to resist this shit?

i'm so screwed and so is my poor pocketbook.
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i'm trying to write here and all i can do is taste the leftover flavour in my mouth!
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mom you'll be pleased to know that i removed the f word from three other places in the first chunk.
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it's been a very up and down week with work for me. i lost two clients, gained two more, lost a class (that i gave up i know!), got offered another class that i can't take and if you count last week gained and lost a couple of other folks.

the strange thing is that i'm slowly building a list of clients that i really suit and who dial into what i'm doing. the ones who aren't getting results with me are right to be dropping off and going other places, i just hope that they find useful teachers or healers wherever they go.

even more interesting is that in january even with the fucked up first two weeks due to christmas i did really well in privates. well enough that i think i can just about swing the clutch next week. i have to do a little more math to see but i think i can make it.

may have to borrow a couple hundred bucks from someone but that's a lot better than a grand. oh man i hope i hope.

i'm slightly concerned because i know that business will drop off in the summer so i really want to get my car done and some cash on the old credit card before that happens. course i guess i can just get more referrals at that point.

i'm also sad because my gorgeous hunk of 6'3 sweetheart got transferred to quebec city. now what am i going to do for fun in the middle of friday afternoons if i can't flirt with him? shut up, the new client today who's funny and ripped doesn't count *grin* [for the record i don't date clients, only drool over them :)]
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currently i'm considering the line between clear signals and being easy and i confess that i'm having a hard time with it. the general consensus from my comments section seems to be 'don't be easy' but 'sometimes the direct approach is key.'

uh.

those two don't jive at all. no dudes, at all.

so if you aren't being easy you have to flirt and be coy and generally act like some elizabethan twat until the guy gets that you really are flashing your ankles at him. but if you're direct or whatever then you're easy (or something) and they don't have to hunt you so they don't want you.

but if you aren't direct then you might miss out on someone who's shy.

but but but!

so i've come to a conclusion or two. are you ready?

yup here goes. it all depends on the situation.

hah! bet you were expecting something deep and helpful weren't you?

except i think that that is helpful. i think maybe we all need to take a step back and realise that there aren't any rules. that noone knows what they should and shouldn't do and also that no one knows what you should and shouldn't do.

because if you put it like that. if you make every situation unique and you try to find the rules for THAT situation instead you're a lot more likely to jump in the right direction when there's jumping to do (or not do as the case may be).

it's just that the previous implies sanity on the part of all the players in the game. i was talking with a lady i know the other day and she was relating a story about a man who gave her the runaround for like three years before she chucked him. he would suggest a trip together and ask her to choose a weekend and no matter what weekend she chose none of them were ever good enough. he wanted her there when he wanted her but he didn't actually want to be with her.

so she and her friends sort of re-wrote 'he's just not that into you' and called it 'he's just a dead end guy' and i laughed my head off. because really, every woman that i know has dealt with some man who blows hot one second and cold the next and basically just wants her to hang off a string waiting for him. (i'm certain this has happened to men as well)

so then she met a nice young man who wanted to go on a trip with her. they arrange said trip and then he needs to change the dates. so she (once bitten and all) says 'look if you don't want to go just say so' and he's like 'no, i want to go, i just need to change the date' and she goes 'really if you don't want to go it's okay' and he's all 'no really, i just need to change the dates' and she says it again and he says 'look why would i say that i wanted to go away with you if i didn't? that's just not normal'

oh god you guys. he's right. it's not normal. indifference one day followed by mad love the next? NOT RIGHT!

run away.

so she and her friends then concluded that men like her first one have gross emotional problems. that it's really not about her that this guy can't decide if he wants to go away with her, he's just messed in the head.

i think i'm adopting her motto wholesale the next time some fucktard decides to give me the runaround. 'you sir have gross emotional problems and are a dead end guy. seeya!'

but still, note the totally differing reactions to the same situation. she reacted to the first guy with the second guy until he gave up and basically said 'uh hello, i'm SANE'

so there it is. react to what's in front of you and not what's in your head. read the body language the best you can and for christ sake don't pretend the door is open when it's bolted shut and you know you're never going to open it.
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damm i can't believe i'm out of pretzels to go with my nutella!