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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

mouthgasms

.
oh my fucking god.

oh my god.
oh my god.

seriously you guys cannot imagine the taste sensation in my mouth right now. [hah guttersnipes you know i'm not dating anyone and if i had *that* in my mouth i would NOT be blogging right now] one of my fellow instructors knows of my fascination with excellent chocolate so about a week ago she handed me a little tiny box of bonbons from js bonbons which is a store in toronto that sells chocolate bonbons. (i'm guessing you got the bonbons part from the name)

and holy fuck.
are they EVER good. (and nope, i didn't consider sharing them for a second :P)

they have all these crazy flavours like rosemary or chai tea that i am now just dying to try.

in fact the nice lady from the store and i got into a discussion on the merits of this chocolate over that chocolate and so on. it was great.

so i mentioned that i wasn't going to drop like 6.25 on four little chocolate confections because i hated buying chocolate without trying it. anyway so my friend buys me a little box of four.

i may never forgive her because you can't imagine how good those little orgasmic explosions of fantastic chocolate and rich complementary flavours actually are. so now? yeah it's ACROSS from the goddess. how am i supposed to resist this shit?

i'm so screwed and so is my poor pocketbook.
.

i'm trying to write here and all i can do is taste the leftover flavour in my mouth!
.

mom you'll be pleased to know that i removed the f word from three other places in the first chunk.
.

it's been a very up and down week with work for me. i lost two clients, gained two more, lost a class (that i gave up i know!), got offered another class that i can't take and if you count last week gained and lost a couple of other folks.

the strange thing is that i'm slowly building a list of clients that i really suit and who dial into what i'm doing. the ones who aren't getting results with me are right to be dropping off and going other places, i just hope that they find useful teachers or healers wherever they go.

even more interesting is that in january even with the fucked up first two weeks due to christmas i did really well in privates. well enough that i think i can just about swing the clutch next week. i have to do a little more math to see but i think i can make it.

may have to borrow a couple hundred bucks from someone but that's a lot better than a grand. oh man i hope i hope.

i'm slightly concerned because i know that business will drop off in the summer so i really want to get my car done and some cash on the old credit card before that happens. course i guess i can just get more referrals at that point.

i'm also sad because my gorgeous hunk of 6'3 sweetheart got transferred to quebec city. now what am i going to do for fun in the middle of friday afternoons if i can't flirt with him? shut up, the new client today who's funny and ripped doesn't count *grin* [for the record i don't date clients, only drool over them :)]
.

currently i'm considering the line between clear signals and being easy and i confess that i'm having a hard time with it. the general consensus from my comments section seems to be 'don't be easy' but 'sometimes the direct approach is key.'

uh.

those two don't jive at all. no dudes, at all.

so if you aren't being easy you have to flirt and be coy and generally act like some elizabethan twat until the guy gets that you really are flashing your ankles at him. but if you're direct or whatever then you're easy (or something) and they don't have to hunt you so they don't want you.

but if you aren't direct then you might miss out on someone who's shy.

but but but!

so i've come to a conclusion or two. are you ready?

yup here goes. it all depends on the situation.

hah! bet you were expecting something deep and helpful weren't you?

except i think that that is helpful. i think maybe we all need to take a step back and realise that there aren't any rules. that noone knows what they should and shouldn't do and also that no one knows what you should and shouldn't do.

because if you put it like that. if you make every situation unique and you try to find the rules for THAT situation instead you're a lot more likely to jump in the right direction when there's jumping to do (or not do as the case may be).

it's just that the previous implies sanity on the part of all the players in the game. i was talking with a lady i know the other day and she was relating a story about a man who gave her the runaround for like three years before she chucked him. he would suggest a trip together and ask her to choose a weekend and no matter what weekend she chose none of them were ever good enough. he wanted her there when he wanted her but he didn't actually want to be with her.

so she and her friends sort of re-wrote 'he's just not that into you' and called it 'he's just a dead end guy' and i laughed my head off. because really, every woman that i know has dealt with some man who blows hot one second and cold the next and basically just wants her to hang off a string waiting for him. (i'm certain this has happened to men as well)

so then she met a nice young man who wanted to go on a trip with her. they arrange said trip and then he needs to change the dates. so she (once bitten and all) says 'look if you don't want to go just say so' and he's like 'no, i want to go, i just need to change the date' and she goes 'really if you don't want to go it's okay' and he's all 'no really, i just need to change the dates' and she says it again and he says 'look why would i say that i wanted to go away with you if i didn't? that's just not normal'

oh god you guys. he's right. it's not normal. indifference one day followed by mad love the next? NOT RIGHT!

run away.

so she and her friends then concluded that men like her first one have gross emotional problems. that it's really not about her that this guy can't decide if he wants to go away with her, he's just messed in the head.

i think i'm adopting her motto wholesale the next time some fucktard decides to give me the runaround. 'you sir have gross emotional problems and are a dead end guy. seeya!'

but still, note the totally differing reactions to the same situation. she reacted to the first guy with the second guy until he gave up and basically said 'uh hello, i'm SANE'

so there it is. react to what's in front of you and not what's in your head. read the body language the best you can and for christ sake don't pretend the door is open when it's bolted shut and you know you're never going to open it.
.

damm i can't believe i'm out of pretzels to go with my nutella!

36 Comments:

Blogger Earthworm said...

This proves the point I always make, that people all have baggeage from previous relationships. We all start out, as teenagers, with no baggage and we take each relationship as it comes along. And we take everything at face value.

By the time we are in our mid thirties though, we have all been jerked around or dumped or whatnot enough times that we have a hard time trusting. So instead of falling for someone and letting things happen as they may, we protect our poor little fragile hearts by building walls, and we take things slowly, letting the other person through the door only a few steps at a time. And at the first misstep we say "oh he/she's just messing me around" and wwe pull back partly or completely.

Dating is so much more complicated and frustrating, but also so much more wonderful, when we are grown-ups.

The best advice, and the advice I never take myself, is to try to take each new relationship at face value. When you meet someone new, they have no clue what things will push one of your "DANGER WILL ROBINSON" buttons. And so when they do push one of those buttons, and you suddenly become all wary, they don't understand why the hell this person they like is suddenly putting up defenses.

And so now that person starts pulling back too, and seeing that, the first person either gets confused or thinks "see, I was right!".

Basically we have to remember that our walls protect us but also tend to keep others out.

2/02/2006 06:04:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn! said...

ok, so i feel like i can finally comment about relationships. i never did before cuz i have no rules. i do belive completely that everything depends on the person/situation/what you are looking for/what signals they are giving out as to what they are looking for.

people are so complex and when it comes to dating, i think we're generally stupid. even if it all goes well. just cuz i think we dont always know what to do. and one party is likely to play games just cuz they're not sure if they like you enough to be themselves and/or maybe they just do have gross emotional problems.

i'm back on the dating scene after 2 years of being in a relationship, and i must say that absolutely every guy that i've started chatting with online completely bores me. like something is wrong with him. usually it is that they are dumber than a box of rocks, and they think they're brilliant, so they're all cocky and such. i'm kinda ok with cocky, thats just me...you'd have to know me, i've been told i'm intimidating, so cocky in a guy is a good balance. but dumb? f that. so the next obstacle is if they are emotionally, intellectually and spiritually acceptable, they are usually physically not quite doing it for me. and even tho this is kind of a new experience for me all over again, i am lonely, and sooo worried that i am too picky now. but i'm not one of the easier to please girls who just wants a nice guy. sigh. i digress...even with all of that, i get along fabulously with each guy i've chatted with, i think fabulously enough for us to date (if i only wanted to date them), cuz i think no rules works. just observe and respond. respond to them, not the ghosts of relationships past.

so that's my take on starting relationships. i think that is the hella easy part. like mike said, beginnings are so magical. i think it's a delicate balance after that of not jumping in too deep cuz you just never know if you have an emotional fugee till after you get to know them better, or if they're gonna be good for you. gawd it's all so complicated and since i'm just getting started at this again, and i'm soooo lonely for an emo/spiritual connection with a guy, but when they see a pic, they're wanting a physical connection with me, i'm kinda turning into a love hater and/or i'm overanalyzing this.

fuck, i wish i had me some pretzels and nutella this morning.

btw, i had a client in manhattan who took me to a chocolatier there, and they made me choose a box of chocolates from this place...i am a chocolate snob and will only eat proper chocolate...none of this overly sugared milk chocolate shit...what a disgrace to the beauty that is chocolate. its like pinot noir from a box. terrible. anyhoo, so i pick a box of 6 chocolates...and the grand total was $75.00. i dunno, but does that seem a bit...extreme!! holy fuck! one of the chocolates totally had gold in it. i.am.not.kidding! like gold shavings or some such idiocy. anyhoo...i feel ya on the mouthgasm. although, about right now, i would be more than content with the non-chocolate type...heh heh...yup...that would be quite yummy.

2/02/2006 08:41:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

oh my god

i want chocolate....and truffles.....and.....


uch! i hate dieting


okay..back to paying attention in class

2/02/2006 09:17:00 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

I don't like dating. I don't like it because I simply stumble around bumping into other people's walls. I'm not that hard to get to know really but I will stop talking to the men who think being insulting is fine. Those guys with no sense of humor or fears of finger foods really irk me. They always show up with expectations like I've been lying to them about who I am all the time we've been talking. Then we meet and they see it's not a lie and they disappear.

Dating sucks.

2/02/2006 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I don't like chocolate. Don't anybody buy me any I'll just end up giving it to my sister.

2/02/2006 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

i agree with amber.

there's no rules, there's no signs, there's nothing. it's blind faith and a prayer..and it's just kind of like destined failure

it's an extremist position, yes..but, think of it this way: if 99% of all your dating endeavors didn't fail miserably, you'd marry the first asshole you ever dated...

it's the nature of the beast, so-to-speak.

<---going to shut up now and eat her chocolate :)

2/02/2006 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I'm at work and shouldn't be typing here at all.

But I think it's very important to note that although it's important, especially for women, to be coy and to try to not go too fast, that at least one clear signal is given if the person who is on the receiving end seems confused or is taking a long time to catch on. Sometimes we think that our signals are clear and why doesn't the other person respond? Maybe it's the signals. Maybe the signals need to be fine-tuned or given up completely in place of direct words if they aren't working.

2/02/2006 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

mike: i think even 15 year olds have baggage from previous relationships though. sure it's a relationship with siblings or parents but it's still there. in a lot of ways we are made up of our emotional baggage.

for example, if someone leads you on for ages on end you're going to be a lot more sensitive to the idea that you're being led on in the future. you'll be less willing to believe they're NOT doing it because it's been done to you several times in the past. anyway.

wow, taking things at face value. neat thought and SO HARD to do. that said i find that i value the friendships i form slowly over the ones that just appear magically. take hcg for example, it's been months that we've been becoming friends very slowly and with few words exchanged. but i treasure those words because they mean a lot. not that quick friendships arne't great too but i find the slow ones often last longer in the long run.

dating as adults is absolutely heartbreaking and soul uplifting all at the same time.

i remember my ex husband and i were talking one day and my back went up and before i even noticed he looked at me and went 'you're so cute when you get defensive' ... perfect. defused the defensive AND made me blush. s'all good.


jenn: i think no rules is the way to go. i've been groping my way toward rules for a while now and yet the fewer rules i have the more open i seem to be to the possibilities. or at least the more possibilities i see.

i just wish that the people out there who really don't want to be dating (or at least not dating us) wouldn't fuck with us. i've been dangled on a string and whenever i tried to cut it the string would get tugged. there are times in my life that this has gone on for well over a year. fortunately i'm older and wiser now and so the timespan at least gets progressively shorter. i do think there's something about people who instinctively believe in the good nature of others that gets us in extra trouble.

as for the boring ones? dude 95% of the people i meet in the world bore the shit out of me. why should dating be any different? what's tough is when you find one who seems to be just what you want but they just aren't emotionally available. well that part is okay really, it's the ones that pretend they are that suck total ass.

dude go on a couple of dates with them and if there's no spark well shit at least you had a couple of dates? just be honest when they ask you. nothing worse than the avoid answer because it still leaves the door open for hope. (back to the jerking around metaphors you see :)

what's funny is that beginnings are easy once you're sort of on each other's radar. it's the getting to the radar bit that's sorta hard and strange. especially when you're in your thirties and you're over the bar scene.

dude noone ever seems to want me for my brain and if they do then they don't want my body. would be nice to find someone that liked them both.

god i just had pirouline cookies for breakfast. is that wrong?

SEVENTY FIVE BUCKS????????????????????????
fuck me.

(me too jenn)


elle: why do you diet? learn to eat exactly what you want, no more and no less and you'll start wanting shit like broccoli. it's pretty cool

2/02/2006 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jenn: oh god yes! overly sugared milk chocolate sucks donkey butt.

amber: oh fuck i hear that. i'm exactly who i pretend to be, no more and no less. so why do people keep thinking they'll find some other woman hiding inside when they meet me?

i do not understand pretending to be someone you aren't when dating.


mike: deal. (alternately i wouldn't mind taking chocolate that's going to be wasted anyway....)


elle: i can't disagree with a word you just said. not one.

i just wish people would be honest.


mike: *waves to mike's office*

you mean i should say 'dude when the fuck are you going to ask me out?'

*grin*

there's a lot to be said for the old fashioned courtship rituals. at least people knew the steps in the dance.

2/02/2006 11:53:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

NUTELLA! Dude, if that place has nutella-filled bonbons I am so taking the next plane over and getting myself some :) and I love that you called them bonbons and not sweets or candies...I love the word bonbon... why? Because i am a dork, probably.

Hat's off to your, darling, that you can do the whole working for yourself thing. I hear it is wonderful but I also know it can be stressful. You seem to be doing just fine. And of course people are flocking to you. You not only know your shit but the like you as a person and that's crucial...if I am gonna get sessions with someone, I need to be able to talk to them and work with them and not feel like they are bothered by my lack of knowledge. Talking from experience with a trainer here.

And duuude, totaly feel you on the being direct, etc. I definitely don't wear a neon sign saying I LIKE YOU but if I like a man, he knows. I don't make anyone chase me. I am honest about my feelings. I hate games. I refuse to play. Unless it's Risk, Chess or something like that. If it's head and hearts that are getting involved, then no games allowed.

That's that :)

-N

2/02/2006 01:17:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

i diet because.....i have 35 days 'til i have to wear a bikini...and shit ain't gonna be too pretty....

honesty is really hard to find, amen to it.

2/02/2006 01:26:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

There's an awesome chocolate place here in SD that makes lil chocolates on premise.

They do some great combinations that sound kinda crazy, but then you taste them and go - oh crap, I'm going to run through the box in one sitting.

There's one that has the spice curry in it that I thought - how is that possibly going to be good?

OMFG IT'S SO GOOD, especially with a glass of red wine.

2/02/2006 03:22:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Great title, btw. :)

2/02/2006 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: dude they have bonbons filled with rosemary, chai tea, some kind of dark chocolate liqueur, uh anything you can imagine? i died and went to heaven and MUST HAVE MORE!

i didn't call them bonbons, js bonbons called them bonbons, i just noticed and took the lesson.

working for yourself sucks but it's better than working for someone else *grin* ... i do not miss having a boss. i do miss having a predictable income and benefits. oh man bad trainers are the WORST!

if i like a man he knows (i think) unless he isn't interested and then he misses the clues. i could be wrong but i know that i have successfully dated in the past so.

i'm not into games. i am into going slow and moving through the dance but that's hard to do when people are dishonest... because sometimes they pretend the door is open when it never was and that shit is just not on.

mmmm backgammon!


elle: dude you really need to start looking at your body with the eyes of the 80 year old lady inside of you... cause SHE? she is damm proud of how hot she is right now and so should you be.


matt: yeah that's what this place does. made fresh daily.

spice curry? lmao... i want to try that right now. we should do a bonbon exchange!

(thanks!)

2/02/2006 04:00:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

Elle: Your font is so damn small!.. Do you have an alternate version of your blog for people like who sit 6 feet away from their monitor in an easy chair?

Sass: You sure sound frustrated today. If you have some guy who's messing with your head I will beat him up for you. Assuming he's really weak, preferably in a wheelchair.

2/02/2006 05:16:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

I am TOTALLY going to use that line on the next go-nowhere guy in my life: "You, sir, have gross emotional problems and are a dead end guy. See ya!"

I love it. And I want those chocolates.

2/02/2006 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

ALL YOUR BLOG ARE BELONG TO ME

2/02/2006 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Bon bon exchange - it's on. :)

2/02/2006 05:50:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

mike: i hit ctrl-+ like 3 times to read elle's blog actually :)

i haven't gotten enough sleep all week cause i keep staying up blogging and it's starting to show. and i might have pms

(run run fast!) *grin*

oh god that joke is SO OLD!


matt: seriously you want to?

2/02/2006 05:51:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jmai: it's SO SATISFYING!

seriously even if you only say it in your head it's just fun

*grin*

2/02/2006 05:51:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I have never heard that "run run fast" joke. I grew up in a hick town. In public school the pinnacle of humour was "look up, look down, your pants are falling down"

Don't wory about being tired, I've been home 2 hours and I thought I had made coffee when I got in. But it turns out I filled the decanter with water and stuck it in the microwave. I just found that out now.

Oh I'm embarrassed. I haver so myuch good food here, nutritious food (not counting my 6 frozen pizzas), yet I'm eating Kraft Dinner. I'm scared I'd fall asleep tonight if I tried to cook.
And I doubt any of YOU would come visit me in the burn ward if I fell asleep while cooking. But then again how would you know? Sassy (Cap'n Coach) would just assume I'd gotten bored of her blog. Oh sleepy, dark thoughts.

Is there even any point in me sending this? I don't think I've actually said anything...just rambling

2/02/2006 06:21:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Hell yeah!

2/02/2006 06:50:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Oh man, coffee carafe in the microwave. Sounds like something I'd do.

Every once in a while I'll go to put something in the fridge (phone, whatever) that surely doesn't belong there but my wandering mind decides it's a good idea at the time.

2/02/2006 06:53:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

I bought chocolates today at a local place, Chocolate Fetish. Damn they were good, it sucked having to share. Chocolate bark RULES.

2/02/2006 08:51:00 PM  
Blogger guerrilla blogger said...

wow, according to your profile, we like the same books....

2/02/2006 10:03:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

Mike--what do you mean it's small?!! the font looks rather normal to me! and you weren't reading..you were staring at my ta tas!

Sass: eh. 80 year old me can look back on me at 23 and go "eh i wasn't bad"...23 year old me now looks back and goes "dear god, i was 120lbs four years ago..wtf happened?!"

goddamn you people and the chocolate!! I WANT IT NOW!!! yes, you may call me veruca ;)

OH! and i am the queen of putting shit in the wrong spot...ex: i always put shit in the microwave instead of the fridge, and i always put stuff in the dishwasher that's suppoed to go in a drawer. i'm retarded/absent minded like that :)

2/02/2006 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

Actually no I missed that picture somehow. But when you said "staring at my tata's" I started wondering... and there they are.

I'm going to post a picture of my chest on my blog....oh ya the bitch took my camera with her. Just picture...Screech from Saved by the Bell. I'm sure he and i have the same chest.

2/02/2006 11:07:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

cap'n sassy when are you gonna put up a boob shot?

2/02/2006 11:12:00 PM  
Blogger Earthworm said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is all absent-minded about putting stuff in the wrong place. thanks matt and elle.

well elle, the words boobs, rack, and tatas were all taken...

2/02/2006 11:21:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

mike: first to clarify.

"i might have pms. (run run fast!)"

[all your blog...]

"oh god, that joke is so old" :)

i can see that making no sense though.

oh man my thing is putting the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. not wise.

well if it makes you feel any better i had mcdonalds AGAIN this week (the first time was so unsatisfying that i went to a mcd's i like :) but then i sort of forgot to eat for three days and got all cranky ( i ate today and learned this fact :)

we wouldn't know you were in the burn ward until you blogged about it. so yeah that would be a problem.

ramble on!


matt: okay deal... it will take me a few weeks to get back there though?

i think the leaving shit in the wrong place thing is actually a hazard of having a multi track mind. sometimes the unimportant tracks get dropped.


cast: mmmm i like the name!


guerrilla: i thought i was original too *grin*

2/02/2006 11:56:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

elle: i think it depends on the browser. i find most blogs fonts too small somehow. and your tatas are totally worth staring at.

why what do you weigh now?

chocolate rocks the world dude. serious. and it's GOOD for you and low fat.

oh man i've washed some funny shit in my life!


mike: she has nice ones yeah?

based solely on your profile pic that seems unlikely. course in mine i'm like 20 pounds heavier and less ripped so i guess they're misleading.

as for the boob shot? uh there were biceps? and a pvc catsuit? uh...? i do have to show off my new shirt but i haven't got someone to take a pic for bubbles yet.

2/03/2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

i'm a lard ass at a whopping 150 haha granted i grew 2 more inches, got DD boobs in the process....and i stopped swimming like a maniac.

hmmmmm....i have a penchant for the small, so i do use the "Small" font option when i write up my blogs..never thought it was an issue...if it is, i can upgrade to "normal"...even though i think that's big..whatever..s'all about the readers!

and no prob mike...glad to see my absent minded tendancies towards absolutely retarded behavior make you feel better :) you should hang out with me sometime..i'm a mess!

2/03/2006 12:13:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hey elle you're like 5'8 right? i'm 3 inches taller than you and i look sick at 150 so you can't be that off of pretty damm hot.

i miss swimming, i may be allowed in there again soon. it started to feel like i was a kid again last time i went.

you know all browsers have a size up option. control-plus and control-minus fix that. i can't read emma's blog either.

2/03/2006 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

yea i'm about 5'8''...i just need to start weightlifting again and tone up..or figure out some way to tone up...'cause all i do now is cardio, which is good for the ol' heart..not good for shaping up, per se.

i kind of miss swimming. i spent a lot of my life in a pool...sickeningly, chlorine kind of smells like home to me.....but now i just get frustrated swimming because i'm not as fast as i used to be, and i get tired faster etc....

hmmmm. i have my resolution on 1024x1024 or whatever is the highest..so everything is tiny on my screen...i'm kinda clueless haha

2/03/2006 12:24:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

yeah when i was swimming competitively i was 133 pounds. and fuck was i skinny and ripped. not that i would look remotely healthy if i did that now.

hah 40 pounds more and still i'm pretty thin. that's scary.

i miss swimming too, it's comforting and i used to dream during those endless workouts. i miss the lucid awakedreaming i used to do.

and yeah, i love that smell too.

2/03/2006 12:36:00 AM  
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