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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Monday, March 13, 2006


i'm sad for everyone who lives in a place without lays potato chips. why am i sad for y'all? three words. wasabi and spicy curry flavours. yes those are two different kinds.

wasabi potato chips! they're green. they're utterly wrong and it's WONDERFUL. they're extra wrong because they're green and we're always told not to eat green potatoes because they're going to kill you. yes, i am contrary, why do you ask?

anyway if you can find either of these flavours i recommend trying them. if you can't you'll have to settle for miss vickie's jalopeno or roasted garlic and honey or sweet chili or... :)

yes i love food. i love food a lot. in fact my father describes his daughters as fun to feed. and we are. i think it's because we're willing to make the foodgasm face when something is particularly good.

i probably shouldn't be having curry chips for both breakfast and lunch today though, i mean my skin might end up with that curry smell and i'm not sure how that mixes with my usual garlic scented wonderfulness.

i eat enough garlic that when people tell me that a place reeks of garlic i don't smell it. i wonder what that says about my skin...

currently it reeks of woodstove and i'm not telling how many days of dirt but i'm sort of enjoying that. i expect it will be all nice and fresh smelling in an hour when i leave for work though. i'm always a tiny bit sad to bathe after i've let myself stew in my own juices a bit longer than usual. there's something so inexplicably satisfying about being dirty.

also i think it's good for you. people today are overly sheltered from dirt and germs and i think it's why the nasty stuff is on the rise. our bodies need the kind of benign germs found in dirt in order to learn what to protect themselves from. there's a reason children love mud and dirt and it isn't just to make mommy buy more tide.

i am starting to wonder if our reliance on anti-bacterials and extreme cleanliness isn't part of why cancer rates are on the rise. i'm already sure they relate to these resistant bugs that are popping up all over the place.

we are messing with shit that we don't properly understand and it's dangerous as hell. i'm always encouraging people to 'eat some dirt' so to speak. yes i know, i didn't go to medical school and i'm not entitled to an opinion. and still i tell my class things like 'your homework is to say something nice to a stranger" :)

i got some interesting responses to my letter to my sex drive. be advised that every single piece of the following came from at least two if not more people and that (i confess) a few of these are older suggestions...

way less comments than i expected actually. people kept telling me that if i talked about sex more i would get more comments and that experiment failed. well it passed with flying colours when i passed on blow job instructions but that was totally different.

i was informed that i should chuck my blog and go hang out with my friends because that was better for me than blogging. but i mostly blog to kill time my friends aren't available to fill so that doesn't work. plus none of my friends know any single men.

it was suggested, yet again, that i turn myself into someone else. irony? everyone who suggested that is in a relationship in which they seem (or at least appear) to be entirely themselves.

my standards are apparently too high. balls, brains and maybe a smidgen of humour are me expecting way too much.

i should just find some nice man that i feel friendly toward and marry him. this chemistry stuff is overrated. being attracted to somoene is overrated. wanting someone in your bed? overrated. it's all about friendship in the end.

best of all? i should wait for the man i most recently fell for to come around [who i never dated btw]. which will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER happen. i can tell you this unequivocally and if that word is too hard for you? with dead certainty.

yes he thinks my brain is candy but nope, not my body. not something i can change. [not something he said either, that's just the truth]

what else? oh yes i should stop hanging out with homosexuals because all that nets me are more homosexual friends. there is some truth to that. i mean every single person i hang out with is either gay or taken or not interested... and none of them are introducing me to the straight and available men in their lives.

the women i know? hmmm my sister. a bunch of bloggers and a pile of pilates instructors. not too many single men in that group.

that i should find out where the men i want actually ARE.

that most people meet their mates at university.

that people have in fact wanted to boink me but that i haven't wanted them. which is true.

oh and my job. my job is not helpful because it meets me lots of women. man if i were gay this would be so much easier.

tragically most of the women who read my blog seem to be in a similar boat. and i expect their suggestions from their friends are about the same.

and i shouldn't move in with my neighbour pile because it's asking too much for a man to get past the idea that i live with another man. said man is nineteen and gay and more of a girl than i am but that's really not relevant.

oh and maybe since i'm extra difficult and complex i should chase after men in their fifties. because yummy.


none of the above is unique, in fact i've heard ALL of it at least ten times from at least ten different people. nor am i taking much of this (other than the part about finding out WHERE the men i want are actually hanging out) to heart. it's just interesting how the above keeps reappearing in conversations about this stuff.

also? some of this was more pointing out circumstance than suggesting i change things (like my job ... no changing that!)

i did invite the hot redhead from the climbing gym out for a bowl the other night and we got into a pretty intense and cool discussion. enough so that i've declared him my crushoftheweek.

oh i haven't told you about those?

yeah i've decided that since i love being crushy BUT that i can't bear the heartbreak that comes along with the really big, nasty, unrequited, drawn out and ridicilous crushes that i'll just get crushy on someone for a week and then move on.

so if a man gets enough of my attention to have me sort of looking for him the next time i'm in the same place? crush of the week. that's it though, he gets a week and then


i don't think that this will get me any more dates but it should make it easier to bear the crushes. hopefully it will also armour me from the painful ones. the ones that grab hold and don't let go.

you know just keep looking around the next corner.

i think the shittiest part about dating in this day and age is simply that noone knows the rules anymore. every person out there has their own rulebook and their own set of expectations and no one has a clue under the sun what anyone else is thinking.

for all i know the hot redhead is wondering why i didn't ask him out. or why i didn't go sit down and climb with him the next time we were at the gym or why or why or why or ... it's more likely that he's not thinking about me at all mind you.

funny though how in the space of an hour you can find out just how much you have in common with someone. or don't.

doesn't take much does it?

ah well. my sex drive has returned from whence it came and hopefully it will stay there. i suspect though that this was the proverbial shot across the bow and that spring will be hella nasty for me this year...


Blogger Hubris said...

How can those who suggest these things possibly expect you to be happy and fulfilled and all family-like if you just find a good friend? If you compromise your identity? If you settle? Fuck that shit. I settled before I even had completed my identity and it still didn't work for me. They are telling you to brainwash yourself for the sake of love & happiness. If your mind washes out memories of abuse does that mean it never happend? They aren't considering possible options. There may not even be any. I feel so rotten for your sake. I'd gift wrap the man you're looking for if I could. I am in no way trying to diss others but it seems like a friend will say all those cliches like "you just have to wait... or Its you that needs to change. or As soon as you stop looking..." But a friend who knows you as much as you will let them and listens to what you have to say will have nothing to offer but good company and a cracked smile of sympathy and shared pain.


3/13/2006 06:49:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: i don't know. i know for sure that every single thing i listed off came from people who care deeply for and about me. so i know they're genuinely making an effort to be helpful. it's funny how much of this stuff is just like a funeral. no one ever knows what to say and whatever you say won't be right.

okay here's one for you, what's the difference between compromise and settling?

you did try that shit you're right, but in your defence you made your decisions from your heart so you shouldn't regret them.

my mom says her brother told her (when she was 16) to become the woman that the man she wanted would want. and i swear to high heaven i've done my level best to do that for my whole life. so i guess that the man i want doesn't exist or something.

thanks for offering me gift wrapped men though :)

i way prefer the cracked smile, it's real right?


3/13/2006 08:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, I'm glad the sex drive has retired for the moment, you really don't need the hassle.

Secondly, who ARE these dicks who are giving you lame-assed love life advice? Fuck them. If you wanted to 'settle' or sell out you could have done it ten times over by now. Self-respect is a good thing. Being a conformist suburban brainwashed sheep is not. You are the type of person that sheep wish they could be, if they weren't so afraid to step outside the herd.

I have tried the curry chips. I liked the first two bites, then... yeah. Too much. Anyway, I gave them away. Which is saying a lot, because you know me and chips.


3/13/2006 08:35:00 PM  
Blogger Viktoryia said...

Okay sorry I didn't comment Sass, I lacked the amount of time I needed to give you a thoughtful and heart felt reply. Sorry about the libido thing it REALLY sucks when you ain't gettin’ any! I know I get that way sometimes too; cause who knew... I have standards too! (and there is nothing wrong with that!)

Oh the advice you got was TOTAL crap, sometimes all you need is someone to listen...and sometimes the people that care about us the most and love us dearly give us the WORST advice! Sorry you had to go thru that dude! HH gave you some wonderful advice!

Don’t talk about sex just so more people will comment, blog freely and willfully...who cares if someone comments (by the advice you got I am not so sure comments are a good thing...) We love you because you are you, resist conforming! I saw a great bumper sticker the other day it said “Great women don’t make history by conforming”

Now blogging won’t kill you, nor just cause you do it will you never find a man, you work with your schedule but don’t forget to get out and about, have fun go to the park, take a walk to the corner store instead of driving and the best advice ever given to me from a man about flirting; make eye contact and SMILE! It is contagious if you smile it makes them smile or feel stupid for not smiling (or they think you are looney which is fine too cause that just means they have some poopy stick up their ass and you probably don’t want to talk to them anyway).

Okay “turn yourself into someone else” ??!!!?? WTF! That is awful! would you ever want to be someone you are not the rest of your life? If you follow that advice you will never truly be happy b/c one day the other person will come out and then what you are both miserable... that is the lamest advice (no offense to whomever gave it to you) but really are we in high school? Don’t change yourself just to fit in or catch a man b/c the man that is right for you will love you for you not for who you pretend to be! And as far as the advice your uncle gave you mother, well those were different times; that was a totally different ERA, women are free now...we almost make as much as men do for the same jobs...

Your standards are not too high! everyone should have standards, stick to them! I know you are probably sick to death of hearing just wait the right man will come along...well he will come on you are still pretty young! You are not a fool for setting a level of expectations, we all do it...I believe in true love, that it still can exist and that there are people out there who are still inherently good...
Believe with me.

Chemistry...well that is needed; I talked to a couple that was married 40 years and they told me that the most important thing that you can have with a person is communication b/c after a while everything else is gone, you get old and all you can do is talk to each other. You will know it when it is right, you will just trust that, trust your instinct and yourself.

Oh and the waiting for the EX, you got that dead on! NO! they are an EX to begin with for some reason, how sad and hopeless is that to wait around for someone else who doesn’t see a future with you? That seems like a big fat waste of time for Sass! oh and the comment he made about the brain being candy but not the body WHAT AN ASS! He is a foolish man!

Okay and the homosexual comment; true you may not meet as many straight men but really it just might be some homo-phob giving you that advice. They are your friends don’t change friends just because you are trying to meet a man, you ditch your friends and you still don’t find a man, then what? Then you don’t even have the love and gift of friendship...bad advice. you never know who they might meet or introduce you to...same with your job, you LOVE it, don’t change it b/c it is what make you happy!

When you are truly real to yourself, honest open, confident and love yourself that is when the door opens up for someone else to love you too.

Dating is a numbers game! Say hi and smile, don’t look at the ground when people walk by, open yourself up to the possibility communication with a total stranger. :)

*steps off soap box*

okay I am really sorry that was SOOOO long!

3/13/2006 09:32:00 PM  
Blogger Viktoryia said...

oh one last thing I promise!

Yeah once again for crushes! They are feel good fun ;)

Oh and I LOOOOOVVVVEEE food too while not so big on potatoe chips I will look out for the Wasabi ones those sound yummy, love Vickie's they are super crunchy ='s yummy in my book

(okay that was two, don't be mad at me) ;)

3/13/2006 09:48:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

Like I said, I am in no way dissing anyone. Especially your friends or family. These people we surround ourselves with are priceless each in their own way. What I am suggesting is that you do not cover this topic so regularly for the positive strokes. Nor do you cover it because you need just the right pep talk. You are asking questions of the Universe to the rest of us. Sonar. Ping. Radar. Feeeeedback.



3/13/2006 10:29:00 PM  
Blogger Viktoryia said...

Sorry if I sounded like I was dissing anyone! I got a little passionate there :(

Never mean to disrespect anyone

*Goes and sits on hands with nose in the corner*

3/13/2006 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

okay i'm way too tired to properly comment tonight but i will in the morning.


don't ever apologise for stating your convictions with passion and speaking from your heart. that's the best thing anyone can do...

it's just everyone doesn't have the same heart so you get different advice.

anyway, i don't think anyone dissed anyone since lots of people gave me all of that advice and some of it is really old :)

please bring your fingers back!

*sass crashes... see you in the am all, have fun!*

3/13/2006 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger Viktoryia said...

okay :)

*hops of of the corner with a big smile*

3/13/2006 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Yaay new post :)

I am all for green chips. I actually quite like the blue chips, the ones from Terra? Of course I also like their original and mediterranian...and...you get the point. I will have to look for these flavours. If anything they deserve a proper chance to entice my taste buds :)

And indeed there is something nice about vegging out and not taking a shower for the weekend.

We are indeed messing with something we cannot fully understands when it comes to germs and other such stuff. And yes we have become so sterilized that all we are doing is allowing germs and viruses to become immune and stronger. It's all the antibacterial stuff. We are breeding superbacteria. Ick! I just had a flash from the blob... oh no. Change the channel in my head.


Now on to the whole dating thins. Darling, you do not need to change anything. That is just my take. But if you want to change, it should only be something you are changing for you and not for someone else. The only thing I think people should change are bad attitudes, mean streaks, lying... but not anything that you are and is positive but someone else happens to not like. And especially not anything physical. I once met a girl who had breast implants to please her man. Sic months down the road, he left... and for a flat-chested girl too. And she was left with the twins, who a few months after that started giving her health issues. So HELL NO.

OK, I am stepping off the soapbox. Last thing I will say is that I believe things happen when they should and one cannot force them. Forcing is what then leads to bad relationships one wants to escape.

Your life is brilliant. As is.


3/14/2006 08:53:00 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

My sex drive is more of a walk, no make that a crawl. I have a sex crawl...and that sounds a bit creepy if you ask me.

3/14/2006 09:30:00 AM  
Blogger terry said...

first, foodgasm! excellent word.

but more importantly, i'm glad to hear you're not taking all that advice to heart. change who you are and what you want?? uh, no.

better to be solo than coupled for any reason other than true love.

3/14/2006 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Everything Nice said...

Wow. So I read this and I think I've said something terribly wrong and out of context to you in some way. For that I apologize if I have.

Your life is your own, and while we can only offer suggestions and try to support you in your efforts, we stand to be oblivious sometimes to the underlying issues or feelings that you content with internally.

One of those things that doesn't come out well in type.

Only you really know how the words are laid out in your post. Only you know the emotions and ideas that you put out there and the emotional inspiration behind them.

I hope that none of the above suggestions are ones I gave... because I feel that blogging is good for spouting and time waste. I think that friends are important and if you want to move in with a 19 year old homosexual that's more femmy than you BY FUCKSSAKE just do it!!!

I also think that your libido is a bit of a naughty girl that needs a hard spanking.

I may not always be here or reachable because I seem to be stuck on my blog or entwined in a mass of fucking workload I cannot squeeze from beneath.

and that sucks Sass. I'll tell you why...

Because you were the very first person that ever came to be my friend here in blog land. And I don't think I could ever ask for a more patient friend than I have in you.

And I think about you everyday and talk to the universe that you find some happiness (even in the little things) daily.

If that means green potato chips and nutella... then so be it.

I hope that in the past (or even now), I have not let you down. If so, you need to tell me because I respect you highly and regard you close to my heart with every minute that passes.

smooches and pummel hugs.

(we have Tim's cascade wasabi chips here... can't stay away from them!)

3/14/2006 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...



I likes it hot and spicy ... and yes, I meant my chips.

munch on.

3/14/2006 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

okay here goes *deep breath*

PV: dude you are so right, i am not missing the sex drive AT ALL. though it's still sorta muttering at me around the edges... i think it only made it to virginia instead of jamaica...

oh dude this advice is old and long running. i can't count how many times i've gotten this sort of stuff from people. i guess i'm too much for a lot of folks to handle or something so they think that if i make myself less i'll find someone to be with. but then i wouldn't be me.

still want to know the difference between settling and compromise...

oh man PV that's a hella compliment you just paid me, THANK you.

you gave them away? holy shit.

*sass faints dead away*

vik: sorry you didn't comment on what? i see a long and heartfelt comment right here :) and isn't the whole libido thing irksome as hell when there's no potentials on the horizon?

i think you nailed it you know. they care so much about you that they serve you up anything they can think of. that said, most of that advice kinda bit BUT there was one key point that i got out of it. i have to find out where the kind of men that i want are hiding and it isn't in a pilates studio. i don't know where it is but that's where it isn't :)

i was actually kidding about the talking about sex thing. i just found it kinda funny really that someone suggested that and then when i was actually feeling like writing about sex it was sort of a quiet response. amusing is all.

i bought my sister that very quote on a patch once ;)

you know i walk with my head high and i smile or i nod or i say 'nice shoes' and it usually gets me a smile but not any kind of interest in talking with me any further. i'm off putting somehow but i don't know how at all.

hee poopy stick *lmao*

i love how you tossed in a little feminist rant there about our salaries. that cracks me up. and we are free but at the same time that's not bad advice. being the person that the person you want would want isn't about compromising yourself to me, it's about being your best self. finding who you really are. only then can you find a match right?

i believe in true love, how could i not? i've seen it too much not to. i grew up with it in fact :)

actually the man i referred to in my post and i never dated. i just fell for him and he didn't fall for me. he also never uttered those words, it's just clear. he isn't attracted to me but he treats my brain like it's candy... hence 'thinks my brain is candy but my body? not so much' :)

but he is an ass nonetheless, course i knew that all along *grin*

oh that wasn't a homophobic comment honestly it wasn't, merely a reference to the fact that if i hang out in the gay community i'll meet people who are gay. not saying 'give up your friends' but more 'find friends who are what you want...' there was no suggestion of friend ditching, more of circle expanding :)

the thing is vik? i think i am all of those things. i feel that i am real to myself, i feel confident and loving toward myself and most of all i feel like i'm a worthwhile human... just that no one seems to want me.

i communicate with strangers every day. i smile at everyone i pass. i chat and flirt with any man that i find remotely attractive but dude they don't ask me out. they show no signs of wanting to know me better.

i'm doing *something* that's off putting but i have no fucking idea what.

hee hee those soap boxes are slippery but fun :)

never apologize for long comments, i love them!

and yes, crushes rock as long as you don't take them too seriously!

the wasabi ones are tragically good :)

never mad hon!

hubris: no diss was felt dude.

everyone i love is loved for a reason and all of them give great advice, just not on the same topics ;)

you are correct, it's not the positive strokes i am seeking, it's the coping strategies. :)


3/14/2006 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

man that last comment was long...

vik: welcome back

nat: i know i've been a bit slow lately :(

hmmm i haven't tried the terra once but i will. i do love blue corn chips though :) note to self, try terra chips.

dude my showers went from EITHER thursday or wednesday to MONDAY evening. that's gross and wonderful at the same time :)

i'm afraid of the anti bacterial craze a lot. we're raising kids in germ free homes and yet asthma and serious childhood ailments are on the rise. nature made kids love dirt for their own good and we're fucking with it. i no likey.

oh man not the blob!

i agree with you actually, it's why it took me a while to decide that it wasn't wrong to wear mascara sometimes. not all the time but once in a while. it does improve my face by like 15% without even trying :)

i won't change anything i like about myself for anyone. not anyone. it's too hard to like yourself. but i will continue to try to be less defensive and more patient and less judgemental and and and :)

oh man why do girls do that shit? SURGERY for a GUY?!?!?!???? like how is that a good plan? hell i don't even grow my hair for a guy. well okay i do sometimes change how i wear the hair (aka change a ponytail to a bun cause he loves it bunned or something... you know what i mean)

good job stepping off, i think vik wants it bakc *grin*

my life is brilliant dude, it's just also lonely ::)

cas: you have a sex crawl? *lmao* i am so picturing this now and it's just getting funnier and funnier and...

terry: thanks dude, i think i might have coined it or stolen it... couldn't tell you :)

i take all advice to heart and then i mull it over and then i decide what to do with it. the thing for me that was interesting was what parts of the above got me really really upset. that implies there's truth in them right?

and yes, i would way rather be lonely alone than lonely together...

3/14/2006 01:00:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

ah bubbles you all take my blog too seriously. hell it's amazing when people think i'm talking about them and i'm not. so far only one person was right when he thought i was dissing him... and that was last august :)

if i'm not liking something you said chances are you'll know it rather than read it in my blog. that said, everyone gives bad advice sometimes ... even me :)

what i want is other long term singles to tell me how they cope with the loneliness. that's the coping strategies i need now :)

blogging is great for figuring out what you're thinking abuot.... it's great if you ask me. dude he's such a girl it's hilarious :) he actually said to me about our relationship the other day 'it's so nice not to have to be the man'

are you offering to spank my libido darlin'?

i can't believe how your comments section has taken off. you're averaging in the 200s regularly now... it's pretty impressive! of course it also makes it pretty diff for you to keep up with anyone else's blog. which? fair enough.

i was first really? wow that's pretty fucking cool.

i ask the universe pretty much daily to send you a kidney... and i would gladly give up some small happiness each day if that were to happen for you. the same way that when i see a fire truck roar by with it's sirens blaring i close my eyes and wish those people a little of my luck allotment for the day. cause well? they need it more.

oh man green potato chips and nutella together? so gross!!!!!!!!! :)

you have not let me down darlin, please don't think you have. even the various people who gave me that advice didn't let me down. they told me the best things they knew from their hearts... you can't ever feel let down when that happens.

tim's cascade?


dzer: wasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabi! *giggle*

dude you should so try miss vivkie's jalopeno then. fucking excellent AND hot!


3/14/2006 01:11:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Me likie wasabi. Wasabi peas from Trader Joe's are like...wasabi coated crack.

3/14/2006 01:32:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

oh man i LOVE wasabi peas... and still i recommend the chips :)

3/14/2006 01:47:00 PM  
Blogger Viktoryia said...

no I think I am done with the soap box for a bit ;)

I heart the *pouncesnugglehuggle!* can I have one too?

Dude lonelyness sucks, I think after a year I am finally getting used to sleeping alone; I was in a three year relationship.

Dealing with it, I guess for me I just kept busy, hung around more friends, got myself dolled up for fun when I went out, flirted more and bought the extra long life batteries...

BTW I like the homework you give your students, it's nice!

I finished my new blog page except for a few minor things...so I will email you the link, I'll dump this one in a few days or so..

3/14/2006 02:25:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

vik: heh... fair enough, those things are slippery and can piss off your ankles :)

*pouncehugglesnuggles viktory!*

loneliness bites ass and no matter how wonderful your friends and family and life are you still are fundamentally lonely at 2am when there's no one there to snuggle. least i am.

and it does get better the longer it goes on but that in some ways makes it worse...

that's pretty much what i do too... though i will start dolling up more i think since the 'au naturel' thing is clearly a failure :)

it is nice homework isn't it? sometimes i'll say 'your homework is to go play in the snow' or 'your homework is to go out for brunch... with mimosas!' or whatever. relaxation encouragement :)

hmmm extra life batteries... got to get me some toys.

cool i look forward to your new page :)

3/14/2006 02:37:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

loneliness totally bites ass.

and my dear coupled friends who don't really approve of my messing with inappropriate men don't get that. how much you miss just touching someone, even if you know it's a hopeless situation.

they don't seem to understand how it's possible to feel that loneliness even when you have amazing and supportive friends, which i do.

coping. that's the big challenge. especially when it's 2am and you want to snuggle.

all you can do is live your life the way you want. also a challenge.

(hi, ramble much?? i do!)

3/14/2006 04:55:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hey terry :)

loneliness sucks total ass and the worst part? no matter how many lovely and wonderful friends and family memebers are in your life? you still have no one to snuggle when you're down and hurting and it's 2am.

your dear coupled friends should learn that for every finger they point at you there are three more pointing back at them. just saying.

they don't remember terry... and the worst part? neither will we if we find dating company...

coping. damm that coping. it's fucking brutal.

i just try to make decisions that let me live with myself... not so easy

(hello pot my name's kettle! so ramble on!)

3/14/2006 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

ahh, excellent point, sass, about remembering -- or not -- that lonely feeling.

then again... i've never been lonelier than when it was clear that my marriage wasn't going to work. that i'd been living a lie.

so yeah, back to that thought about how single-lonely is better than coupled-lonely.

i try to remember that at 2am... sometimes it helps..

3/14/2006 05:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Occasionally I fear that I'm a sociopath.


Because the loneliness of which so many other long-term singles complain is something I just don't feel. It's not like my life is so busy, and yes on occasion I wouldn't mind having a built-in date or sex partner (although neither of those are a guarantee), but for the most part I just don't care anymore.

There was a time when I cared so much it just consumed me. But in being so consumed, I lost a lot of me and was stillalone. So I said fuck it and stopped worrying about things like what aspect of me was off-putting or how I'll die alone and get eaten by my cats. Am I still alone? Yes. Am I bitter? No. Is my quality of life better? Yes. Would my quality of life be better if there was someone in it? Maybe.

But occasionally the fact that I'm so beyond caring freaks me out a little.


3/14/2006 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

Thanks for the visit, I've really enjoyed reading here for the last 1/2 hour...good stuff.
First, wasabi...I've never had the chips, but I love wasabi for sushi.
Second, you said your uncle told your mom to be the woman ... but how do you know what anyone will want? I'd never thought I'd be the kind of woman my husband would want...I don't cook, I'm very vocal...he's quiet, very athletic, and on and on. But we've been together for 22 years, all good times. You can't know what's going to draw someone to someone else. I think when you're really happy with yourself, others will be too. Just my opinion, hope I didn't overstep.

3/14/2006 07:15:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

terry: thanks. i got to thinking about that when we were talking about coupled people's advice.

oh dude. i was my loneliest when tr and i were splitting up and when ex hubby and i were breaking apart. there's no one who can really make those times better either because you're the only one that can make that decision.

single lonely is better because we're lonely alones. it doesn't mean shit if you're a lonely together... then you want to stay no matter what cause it's better.

takes all kinds right?

i know i'm happier alone than with anyone i've dated so far (in the long run) but damm a date or some cuddling would be nice.

pv: i don't think you're a sociopath. i do think you had a really hard time coming to terms with being lonely and alone and that you swung pretty hard in the other direction. i suspect in a few years you'll care again but way way less.

that said? maybe you won't. we're pretty different after all :)

i seem to swing back and forth between caring and not depending on my time in my cycle weirdly enough. i always get maudlin and lonely just before.

you're so much happier and more content in yourself since i met you. the change has been great to see... in some ways because i don't see you as often.

i like your answers a lot better now. and what's funny is how much better you look since you feel better. it's true what they say about happiness showing in your face.

dude don't freak. i think it's healthy. :)

ps. when are we brunching?

kathi: i had a nice visit and i'll come back again. i like reading blogs of people that are really different from me because i learn more. and i like how you think and yet you and i are totally different about people.

anyway... i hope you read more than one post in that half hour! *grin*

wasabi rocks, try the chips :)

i don't think he meant it that way, or at least i don't interpret it that way, i more think it's about making yourself the person you wish to be... then the person who really does suit your actual *self* will like you... oh it's so hard to make it into words.

congratulations, 22 years and happy is fantastic. it's my parents 40th this year. :)

you didn't overstep at all. the only thing i consistently try to do to myself is better me. and by that i mean be nicer, be more patient, say no more often... you know :)

nope, no overstepping, if i didn't want people's opinions i wouldn't love my blog so much.

stop by again!

3/14/2006 09:04:00 PM  
Anonymous la lonely girl said...

dude, lays wasabi chips RULE SO HARD!

3/15/2006 05:57:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

motherfucking WORD!

3/15/2006 06:01:00 PM  
Blogger la lonely girl said...

ps - its good to see you again...thx for stopping by. i'm a terrible blogger/blog troller these days. i've got a lot of catching up to do here...but i must say that i saw your pics, and you are fucking ADORABLE!!! holy hell girl, you're a hottie!

3/15/2006 06:49:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

it's nice to have you around again. i wondered where you fell off the planet to.

and THANKS! i've been working out :)

3/15/2006 11:50:00 PM  

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