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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Sunday, June 18, 2006

ethnic soccer/football/calcio/?

i'm watching the world cup and they're doing the italian anthem so they're cutting to the team and the fans and the coaches and i'm struck by how much i really do look like these people. i'm also struck by just how attractive i find them. the old men look the way i like my old men. the young men are beautiful and dark with flashing eyes and lovely cheekbones and somehow their bodies are shaped right.

i mean it's inexplicable. even the ones i don't think are *hot* i find attractive.

the men my age? i wanted to introduce myself to all of them... and i was struck by a single fact.


i should move to italy.

i look just like the women look there except i don't look like them at all. i have their hair and cheekbones and eyes and lips but what i don't have is their sense of style. mine is completely different.

and the thing is? every time i'm in a group of italians i'm a hottie.

oh my word.

this is some of the worst officiating i have EVER seen in a world cup football (soccer) match. maybe i should call it calcio (italian word for soccer/football) instead because it's getting very hard to explain that whole thing.

anyway so far approximately half of the calls have been blatantly ridiculous. i mean i understand that they're trying to turn football around and make it less violent but at the same time the guys have to go after the ball. the round ball you hit with your feet.

people are going to trip each other. there's going to be falling. sometimes there will even be injuries.

what's funny is that BOTH teams are doing the total stunned face at the refs when the red cards are getting handed out. i mean i don't think we've played more than thirty seconds without a whistle so far in this half.

and i don't think either team is enjoying the fact that bogus penalties are getting handed out... they can't play, they can't run, they can't try to block they just have to play and not touch each other or the ball.

the coaches look frustrated.

i mean ultimately this is supposed to be a game. there should be some FUN after all.

hah the announcer just perfectly called it "i don't think the referees are watching the same game"

like these guys aren't even calling the offsides correctly. fortunately the referees get evaluated as well so HOPEfully these guys are done for the rest of the tournament.

okay i'm cheering for italy right? but seriously i cannot comprehend how that last goal was offside? ahhh okay. hey check this out you guys? the ref got this one right! another guy was blocking the goalie. wow weird. [obstruction to the goalkeeper]

anyway this has been an exceedingly strange game, the refs get about half of the calls totally right and the other half are utterly fucked. i haven't even finished the paragraph about how he gets one right and he's doing it again.

if this game ends in a draw it's okay actually because it's 1-1 so the goals against scores aren't going to go up with any relevance.

and it did. frankly seems only fair considering the terrible officiating.

that wasn't the direction i expected this post to take that's for sure. i was going to go into a long discussion about ethnic markers and the people that we're innately attracted to. i was going to muse a little about whether it's racist to be attracted to people from your own ethnic neighbourhood.

i was going to wander down some odd pathway in my brain and come out the other side with an excuse to hang out in little italy more! (actually that really is a good idea) not to mention that i was going to look at the idea of dating outside of your comfort zone. of dating the people that don't look anything like you. the ones whose skin isn't quite the right colour to complement yours or whose height is really different.

and i realise that i've mostly done that. i haven't dated a single italian man in my life. oh sorry, except a couple that summer when i was nineteen and staying there. and boy did they like me that summer.

course i've never looked hotter in my life... and yet still i did better in italy than here. i came back looking better than i ever have OR ever will (what? i was NINETEEN and twenty five pounds lighter than i am now, with a massive tan and hair down to my ass. i may be more elegant or well built or have more character now but come on. i look better now than i did then but it's the expression on my face now rather than the body that's winning it) and still the boys here didn't find me nearly as interesting.

i dated one guy that year and he was eleven years older than i was. and the only man after me all year. AND somehow i was the 'res slut' because i was hotter than all the girls in residence. no one ever noticed that i never actually slept anywhere but my own bed until i got a boyfriend that i kept for the rest of the year.

i'm sure tired of being gay. being a slut. being an interim chick. being too hot to date you. being too smart for my looks. being... not enough.

i'm tired of it... and i legitimately suspect that if i go after my own kind (so to speak) i might just do a little better.

and that i even think that makes me feel a little... well... racist.


Blogger DZER said...

I find it hard to believe that you could ever be racist. I don't think your dating preferences would count as that, and besides they're not, as you said you haven't really dated other Italians.

Sometimes it's easier to date people who have the same kind of beliefs, social background, family structure and the like ... if they happen to be of the same racial heritage as you, that's not racism; that's commonality.

racism would be if you said "I will never date someone from the XXXX ethnicity."

I say, if you think you will be more comfortable, at ease and more appreciated by dating Italians ... then go for it! :)

6/18/2006 07:31:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dzer: thank you for that. though i have been in my life racist at moments. i've also been the only white person in a crowd and suddenly understood how people who aren't white feel most every day... the difference with me is that i see my cultural baggage and i try to overcome it.

in a lot of ways i sort of think anyone who says they aren't racist almost certainly is at least a little. :)

i know this italian man who comes from my town... and it's strangely easy to be around him... and other italians... i don't have to explain WHY i put tons of garlic and parmesan cheese into everything, they already know *g*

but in all seriousness i guess i should have said ethnocentricness rather than racism ... it's just i think that they're two sides of the same coin.

i can tell you i will never date a radical muslim... but he would never date me either.

i sort of think i would dzer and then i think how weird a statement that is.

6/18/2006 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger Sweet Li'l Gal said...

Hmm... Italians, huh? I'm Italian (really, Canadian and Italian citizenship), and have always steered clear of Italian men. My visits have always been filled with evidence of what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone who wants to find their mother in a more fuckable form. If one can generalize and say that Italians are good looking, one can certainly generalize about the whole man/woman dynamic. In all (and I mean ALL) of the many Italian marriages I am subjected to, the women do all of the work indoors, all childcare related work, and also have jobs. The men do gardening and yard maintenance and fix broken things to avoid having to hire someone else. They also have jobs. I could never allow myself to be with someone who waits for me to sit down at the dinner table and then tells me that there is no parmegiano on the table and looks at me until I get back up to get it. Interesting, however, is that despite the overworked women having to serve their husbands in a very old fashioned way, many of these families could also be considered matriarchal, and behind the curtain it truly is the woman pulling the strings. It's unfortunate, however, that it's still behind curtains, you know? I think it's because of all I've seen in my own family and in those relationships that have always surrounded me that I never looked at Italian men as possible mates, and therefore never took the time to see whether they were actually attractive or not. Now that I'm taken (I've got myself a French Canadian), I must say that there does appear to be something in the water...

6/18/2006 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

Girl, I watched this match too, and I'm just like you in respect to thinking those guys were hot. Seriously, I coulda watched them all day, hot, hot, HOT!

I don't look anything like them or you, but I'll go with you if you decide to go. Having me beside you will make you look even better than you already do! And I'll just get to gawk at the eye candy you attract.

6/18/2006 02:08:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

sweet gal: i'm the same as you. half and half. mom from sudbury (copper cliff) and dad from florence. i think because my mom is canadian there was some differences in our house. like dad did a lot of outdoor work (and i mean a lot, he renovated or built and then continued to add to every home i had in my youth... ) but mom did the gardening. dad built her a green house though... she cooked but he cooked sometimes and stuff. my family is funny though, my mom had an illness which prevented her from working.

regardless i know what you mean about that division of labour, however, in my family someone says in the kitchen "anything else?" and then the people at the table shout or whatever. the kids set the table and cleared and stuff and my parents liked us so they tended to both be around us... you know.

my dad is northern italian and has a phd though so he's sort of unusual as italian immigrants go. i think you've pretty much nailed it in the more traditional homes.

i too could never tolerate that sort of disrespect. but if you shout into the kitchen 'hey grab the parmesan' i'll get it. but i expect the same from you if you're in there...

i do also note that you're correct about the matriarch thing. i'm turning into one myself *hangs head in shame*

i didn't look at italian men until now because i didn't particularly like the ones in italy. but it occurs to me that another italo-canadian might just get me really well.

fuck they're hot huh? :) [i think it's the sun and the olive oil]

kathi: the thing is that i can pull my own features off half the faces wearing italian colours that day. like that lady in the second pic, i have the exact same bunched up cheeks thing when i grin ... otherwise totally different face... but when i'm in florence i see bits of my own features everywhere. it's kind of nice because that doesn't happen anywhere else.

but yeah they're hot. and all the american players i was hot for? italian. mmm mastroeni.

i love italy, the food alone makes the place worth visiting. that the men there all flirt with me? such an added bonus :)

and darlin' if i go you're welcome to come along... i'm even some sort of almost native guide...

6/18/2006 02:28:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

"being not enough..."

my god, sass, you've done it again. perfectly summed up how i'm feeling right now. in every area of my life.

and all those pictures? hello! yum.

6/18/2006 03:34:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

terry: maybe our cycles are on the same page? *grin*

i think any long term singleton starts to feel that way don't you? like how else can you feel? as for the rest of your life? i really think it will turn out for the best.

oh man aren't they delicious? notice i found a hot chick for the boys and everything? :)

6/18/2006 06:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*another random appearance*

Blueberries can help relieve both diarrhea and constipation. In addition to soluble and insoluble fiber, blueberries also contain tannins, which act as astringents in the digestive system to reduce inflammation. Blueberries also promote urinary tract health. Blueberries contain the same compounds found in cranberries that help prevent or eliminate urinary tract infections. In order for bacteria to infect, they must first adhere to the mucosal lining of the urethra and bladder. Components found in cranberry and blueberry juice reduce the ability of E. coli, the bacteria that is the most common cause of urinary tract infections, to adhere.

just thought that might make a difference now that, you know... it's all gone.


6/18/2006 09:43:00 PM  
Anonymous clarity said...

I read somewhere once (long ago) that studies show that relationships with someone culturally similar are more likely to endure the test of time. This makes sense to me because you have a base commonality, you don't have to explain.

However I also know several couples in long-term, happy relationships that are culturally diverse. Then I know some individuals who are so culturally diverse in themselves, it's hard to imagine them actually finding someone culturally similar to them.

Bottom-line: whatever works, works.

Soccer players and firemen... yum!

6/19/2006 12:17:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hi pile

i like your random appearances. i also think that's hella interesting since i LOVE blueberries and cranberries are ass.

does explain why when i ran out of granola my impending uti arrived (i eat berries with my granola)

good to know for next time?

clarity: this makes sense to me for the same reason although my parents aren't from similar cultures at all. in fact they made someone from two worlds when they made me. it would seem that dating an italian canadian would be a useful plan. of course i'll end up with someone from chile since i think that *g*

and you're right, it's all about what works... and currently i'm hot for italians and men that look italian.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm fire fighters... mmmm

6/19/2006 02:17:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Great comment Pile :)

Italians are beautiful and your pics were perfect.......

I'm with Dz

6/19/2006 07:38:00 AM  
Blogger othercat said...

My former neighbour, P is Italian, and his partner L, is Portuguese. Oddly enough, the same dynamic applies in their home. Paulo expects that L will deal with all the domestic stuff, and come running with the parmagiano despite the fact his two legs work well enough to do it himself. It's not just straight couples who want their mum in a form they can get jiggy with. I think it's just italian men in general. It was quite funny to see this at work, and the blog responses confirmed my awful conclusions.
Ethnocentric dating sounds like trouble.

6/19/2006 08:49:00 AM  
Blogger JMai said...

Part of why I'm not a big fan of televised sports is the sprotscasters, who I feel talk too much and are otherwise just really, really annoying. But your sportscasting (perhaps because I didn't have to listen to is?) was much more enojoyable than most! Plus the pictures? Great!

I dunno about dating Italians. I think you should date whoever makes your heart happy. If smooth olive skin and good cheekbones helps with that, then so be it.

Also, if you're too this/not enough that for whoever, then whoever isn't worthy so just keep sorting through that apple cart to find one who is. Wherever he may come from.

6/19/2006 09:06:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I say go for it. And we like what we like. Or do better with what we do better. I don't know...American men don't seem to do it for me no matter how hard I try. And I have tried. I was into PRican men for a while but that is no longer the case at all. I tend to be into European men...it has to do with my upbringing and with the way they think... Right now, Mr. Hagfish and I are all good an in love...but would I ever date an American if we were over? I guess I could try...but I just don't tend to latch on. Ugh. It is what it is and I have accepted it and stopped wrestling with it. Go for it.


6/19/2006 09:12:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

societal dictates of beauty are a funny funny thing.

by asian standards i'm breathtaking and stunning (it must be the angle they were looking at me..seeing as i towered over most of the population)...by european standards, i'm gorgeous (i look like a european, they love that). by american standards, i'm chunky and, at times, cute.

america stresses the strangest things in its concept of what beauty is, which is i think the same parameters that canada uses.

europe stresses a womans natural elegance...her sexiness isn't an exponent of anything more than how she carries herself and the images that dance behind her eyes. eyes are everything.

in america..it's size..size..size. oh, and being blonde.

6/19/2006 09:37:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

I keep forgetting how much of a jock you are. I'd like to tell you I read this whole post but that would be a fib. I guess I fell off the soccer wagon after high school. That said, I'd be up for kicking the ball around sometime :)

6/19/2006 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kj: those are just the random pics out of the team italia slideshow on the fifa site. specifically here .

they are beautiful it's true, but so are lots of other folks... just lately i'm finding italian extra pretty somehow.

othercat: i remember them. i thought they had some pretty bad communication skills but i guess it's what they liked. i was always surprised they were still together.

that said, there is a definite trend to that in a lot of italian homes, and by italian i mean classic southern european. it's sort of why i think i'd rather an italian from canada...

jmai: there was a cbc strike by the french announcers a few years back so i started watching hockey on the french channel because they just broadcast it with arena sound. it was brilliant. like being there and with no one telling you what your opinion was supposed to be. (yeah they're yummy huh?)

i don't know (truly) that it's the smooth olive skin or the nose or the cheekbones (can't get the cheekbones without the schnozz right?) although i like all of those things. it's more that there's a sense of fit there that isn't there with other cultures. that said, i haven't done it so this is all theory. :)

you're right jmai except that whoever is 99.9 percent of the human race. and sometimes i do fall hard for people who don't even like me... probably just because my heart is lonely ... course that just makes it lonelier in the long run and yet doesn't stop it somehow.

6/19/2006 11:30:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: i don't specifically know that i prefer italians, i just know that i do a lot better in a crowd of those and i'm hoping i will have the same effect in a crowd of italian/canadians. i'm not sure i would want a fully italian guy unless he was pretty evolved because seriously the first time there was a call to 'fetch' something i would lose it. :)

i quite like american men, very few of them like me. that said, i do find that my thought processes tend to baffle the average non-european. *AVERAGE*

latch on... i so get that, i wanted to latch on with DM but i just... didn't.

elle: fucking right they are.

really the asians love you huh? i can see that, you're totally unlike them after all. tall and busty and strong facial features... yeah makes sense.

as for europe? yeah me too.

in north america i'm still chunky and i'm too tall and i definetely have too many muscles and then? i'm self sufficient??? i usually end up with children wanting to date a mommy rather than men. this is not a comment on my most recent dating experience, there was nothing wrong with him that a little latching wouldn't have cured.

canada is very similar but since we're the smaller neighbour you're allowed to be human looking unless you live in toronto or vancouver. those are movie making towns so the standards are skewed again.

and yes, that's what it is! it's not our looks that work in europe, it's that we HAVE personalities.

*sigh* blonge helps, tiny helps more.... helpless helps the most.

hubris: the second half of the post, from where that last pic is? not about soccer at all.


but sure ball kicking is fun :)

6/19/2006 11:38:00 AM  
Blogger Madame X said...

The interim chick.
I'm done with being the "Comfortable Sweat Pants" chick.
You know, the one who is ok to wear inside the house but wouldn't be caught dead with in public?

Italian born men are...a special breed are they not?

Italian American men...we don't get along too well but give me a Napolitano or a Sicilian...
*Kisses fingertips*

6/19/2006 01:46:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

*goes back to read 2nd half*

6/19/2006 01:55:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

on ethnicity? since getting out of college, I've found that my physical attraction to women has known no specific ethnicity. In fact more brown skin tones have been catching my eyes lately. But not ONLY them... But as for a full-out match, there has never been a racial preference as long as she had patience, love, brains/smarts, silliness & other desirable attributes.

6/19/2006 02:03:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

madame: yeah that's just it. that's the one i mean. and i'm done with being her too ... but that hasn't stopped me from falling for that kind of guy one too many times in the past.

italian born men are definetely a special breed... and it works for them. as for american italians i don't like them either, too... too... trying to hard to be italians. the canadian ones seem more willing to be a mix.


hubris: i've not had any particular ethnicity myself... i've had blondes and brunettes but i'm not sure any redheads and pretty much all the shades of white and light brown. i've had near misses with darker men but nothing ever quite manifested. i think it's the circles i run in.

as for a full out match? well you know the only real one i ever had and he isn't italian or ethnic looking

6/19/2006 02:49:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...


hey, in ase you didn't get my email, can we please meet at my place tonight to avoid the heat & intensified allergic symptoms? Dinner included.

6/19/2006 03:09:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: i guess, i have to leave at eleven, half past at the latest as i have teaching in the am.

6/19/2006 03:17:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

coolies :) My breathing thanks you. And absolutely no offense to your kitties.

6/19/2006 03:36:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

okay i'll walk down, probably hit you just before eight

need to bring anything?

6/19/2006 03:50:00 PM  
Blogger Sweet Li'l Gal said...

just in reference to that dating people of similar cultures thing...

Social scientists have called this "social homogamy", and suggest that most of us search for a mate from similar cultural, religious, ethnic, linguistic or economic backgrounds as ourselves. They also point out that perhaps one of the reasons behind the relative success of arranged marriages vs. free marriages is because the arranged marriages tend to involve people from the same immediate ethno-cultural background... often from the same village. Interesting, at any rate... (of course, we can't ignore that many arranged marriages are quite religious, and therefore success could be a default for a no-divorce policy...)

6/19/2006 05:36:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

gal: which was the point of the post after all so i'm glad people ignored the soccer :)

homogamy... yeah that makes sense.

i would be interested in a statistical breakdown comparing arranged marriages with permission to divorce and without. and whether those same statisticians ever asked 'knowing what you know now, if given a choice would you still marry this person'

there is something about a guy from your hometown... you sort of get them. this often happens with people from there with me which is funny because i fucking hated the place when i was there...

6/19/2006 07:28:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

A female friend of mine that I work with mentioned that she has the hots for the Italian soccer team as well.

I imagine world cup viewing is up in the states in large part due to them.

Damn Eye Ties!!! :)

Sadly, I've never had the pleasure of being with an Italian woman. :(

6/20/2006 01:18:00 AM  
Blogger debambam said...

ok, i'll admit to skipping the whole soccer segment of this post, i'm just not the soccer kind, I'm a tennis girl, and thats mainly because of what I affectionally call 'butt cam'...yummo....

Hey I gotta tell ya love, head to aussie land, you would be a VERY much sought after lady here!!!

6/20/2006 06:12:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

matt: i had the hots for the italians in the stands too though. even the older ones look good to me.

dude the team usa italians are fucking hot too :)

i've been with a real italian in italy... but i was nineteen and he is not the man i would choose today... well one of them was but him i didn't actually have sex with...

deb: that's okay, i only like world cup, otherwise i'm a tennis/hockey gal too. especially the us open in tennis... that tends to be some fantastic tennis.

mmmmm tennis butt...

really? i haven't noticed that i'm popular with the aussies... and they come here a lot. well they came to vancouver anyway...

6/20/2006 07:25:00 AM  

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