poke poke

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some of you may have noticed that my sidebar has changed. please inform me if you feel i've dropped your link by mistake. i may have lost someone in the cutting and pasting. course last time someone said that i mentioned my missing link and never heard back.

funny thing, their blog isn't linked from here anymore.

and you know? if you're one of the people without a links list you may want to consider that bloggers trade in links. if you like someone's blog and comment on it? add it to your sidebar. it costs you nothing but gives them a few more hits and makes them more likely to link you.

for me i link people as a function of their commenting on my blog. anyone linked that doesn't comment often? has been linked since my first month and links me OR is postsecret or some site like that.

i've actually been emailed and had people ask me to link them, to which i answer no. i will link you IF you comment regularly and IF you have archives longer than three months and if i like your blog. the archives thing is set in stone now, i'm tired of the up and down blog syndrome.

oh yeah, i hate blogs i can't comment on and rarely link them. why do you ask questions if you don't want answers to them?

now the people doing the emailing were basically spamming me. and while i'm glad that they purport to like my blog enough that you want a link from me? why should i link someone who never comments and that i've never heard of?

if princess valium started a blog i would link her in a second.
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there's people having one of those conversations outside my window that involves a lot of 'oh no she dinn't and the like. i find it ridiculously tiresome and even though i can't hear what they're saying really?

their tone is irritating as hell.

so is the fire bell that's been going off for fifteen minutes.

fuck this i'm going out for food.
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well, that was a mistake.

my first bite of my wrap (delicious FLAVOUR by the way) leaks grease/sauce out and down the side of my mouth and the fucking stuff is hot enough to burn me! i look around for a waiter and start spooning water onto my face and looking pissed.

no one notices.

finally i see a server (really like three or four minutes later or at least if felt like) and i'm like 'my food burned my face may i have some ice' and he stares at me and i'm finally like 'i'm serious i need ice i burned my face!' and he goes oh! and takes two or three MINUTES to come back with it.

yeah not impressed.

my server finally swings by my table to drop off my water and i don't even get a word in or a question before he's gone again and i don't see him or get his attention again until he clears my plate several minutes after i finish eating and even THEN he doesn't talk to me.

so finally i get that look [you know the one if you're a server, it's the look where you're going to walk out after leaving a note and not paying because you're so pissed. or the one where you stalk indoors and ask for a manager. one or the other.] anyway he finally comes over to my table and i tell him just what i said above and i get to 'you didn't check on me once' and he has the NERVE to talk back to me!

for serious!

"i brought you water, i cleared your plate"

'you NEVER asked how i was or bothered to wait for me to speak'

he shrugs!

'i would like my bill now please'

so what does this idiot do? he brings it! i mean really dude i have a burn on my face from your food and you're incompetent and you're charging me? so i whip out my cash and i stick it in the bill holder and he isn't there.

he's gone.

so i wait. yeah a while longer. nope he doesn't come back.

fuck this, now i'm pissed! so i stalk inside walk right past him and up to someone else and say 'may i have my change?' he smiles and takes the bill 'and i'm never coming here again.'

"but why?" [he's served me before by the way... the one i walked up to, so he knows i don't make a habit of this]

so i tell him. so he comps my bill and i say 'thank you, i was stunned that when i demanded my bill he brought it' and then i go 'seriously dude even when i had finished my salad and my fries the sandwich was still too hot to eat, like you guys have to be careful i have a blister forming on the inside of my lip right now' and he thanks me for the feedback.

so i tell him i may come back but that it won't be soon.

we parted satisfied.

can you imagine that this freaking waiter actually started back talking me when i got burned by his product??

*shakes head*

and i can't get a service job in this town!
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i have this strange and oddball theory about dating that i've recently formulated because of something i did while having a nice lunch recently. i touch people for a living.

yeah if you don't do my kind of work you only think you know what i mean.

i have to touch bones. i have to touch insertion points of muscles. i have to get people to find muscles they've never heard of or met or used and get them to bring them under their own control.

i have to guide their bodies to the right alignment and then ask them to move. i have to teach them to melt to my touch so their bones can realign.

and sometimes? no matter how many words you use a well placed finger is just so much more effective.

so i've had my hands or fingers or toes or forehead on [this list is random and inevitably incomplete]:
.the back of men's thighs
.the sitting bones (go sit on your ass on something hard {perverts!}. feel those two bones you're sitting on?}
.the most ticklish part of the foot
.the space directly below your ears that forms a hollow with your jaw
.collarbones
.armpits
.breast brushes happen constantly with women
.butt brushes and more happen with men
.almost elbowed a man in the balls more than once
.the nape of your neck
.the back of your knee
.your fingers, your wrists and your inner elbows
.pubic bones (yes the bone at the joining of your pelvis in the front that's just up from the female genitalia ...)
.large butt muscles
.tail bones (yes the bone just above your anus)
.smalls of backs
.tops of pelvises
.sacro-iliac joints
.deeper and darker bits of the sacrum
.toes and ankles and greater trochanters (bone at the top of your thigh bone that is straight out from your pubic bone)
.breastbones/sternums
.rib joints (yes they have joints)
.any part of the spine
.cheekbones
.all of the back muscles
.slick sweat
.scalps
.beautiful muscles
.fat
.acromions
.skin
and i know i'm missing things...

and i say things like "i'm about to touch your pubic bone, is that all right?" and then i do it.

but i don't touch right anymore in social settings. i ask beautiful men if i can touch them and then do so clinically, like a teacher.

i wonder if that's how i've been killing the flirt vibe, taking away the body language inadvertently... like you don't ask a man you're on a date with if you can touch his back, you just do it. you do ask a friend or a client or a subordinate or whatever... but if no one is sure if you're dating or not then maybe, just maybe, you've turned it off inadvertently.

thoughts?