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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

poke poke

some of you may have noticed that my sidebar has changed. please inform me if you feel i've dropped your link by mistake. i may have lost someone in the cutting and pasting. course last time someone said that i mentioned my missing link and never heard back.

funny thing, their blog isn't linked from here anymore.

and you know? if you're one of the people without a links list you may want to consider that bloggers trade in links. if you like someone's blog and comment on it? add it to your sidebar. it costs you nothing but gives them a few more hits and makes them more likely to link you.

for me i link people as a function of their commenting on my blog. anyone linked that doesn't comment often? has been linked since my first month and links me OR is postsecret or some site like that.

i've actually been emailed and had people ask me to link them, to which i answer no. i will link you IF you comment regularly and IF you have archives longer than three months and if i like your blog. the archives thing is set in stone now, i'm tired of the up and down blog syndrome.

oh yeah, i hate blogs i can't comment on and rarely link them. why do you ask questions if you don't want answers to them?

now the people doing the emailing were basically spamming me. and while i'm glad that they purport to like my blog enough that you want a link from me? why should i link someone who never comments and that i've never heard of?

if princess valium started a blog i would link her in a second.

there's people having one of those conversations outside my window that involves a lot of 'oh no she dinn't and the like. i find it ridiculously tiresome and even though i can't hear what they're saying really?

their tone is irritating as hell.

so is the fire bell that's been going off for fifteen minutes.

fuck this i'm going out for food.

well, that was a mistake.

my first bite of my wrap (delicious FLAVOUR by the way) leaks grease/sauce out and down the side of my mouth and the fucking stuff is hot enough to burn me! i look around for a waiter and start spooning water onto my face and looking pissed.

no one notices.

finally i see a server (really like three or four minutes later or at least if felt like) and i'm like 'my food burned my face may i have some ice' and he stares at me and i'm finally like 'i'm serious i need ice i burned my face!' and he goes oh! and takes two or three MINUTES to come back with it.

yeah not impressed.

my server finally swings by my table to drop off my water and i don't even get a word in or a question before he's gone again and i don't see him or get his attention again until he clears my plate several minutes after i finish eating and even THEN he doesn't talk to me.

so finally i get that look [you know the one if you're a server, it's the look where you're going to walk out after leaving a note and not paying because you're so pissed. or the one where you stalk indoors and ask for a manager. one or the other.] anyway he finally comes over to my table and i tell him just what i said above and i get to 'you didn't check on me once' and he has the NERVE to talk back to me!

for serious!

"i brought you water, i cleared your plate"

'you NEVER asked how i was or bothered to wait for me to speak'

he shrugs!

'i would like my bill now please'

so what does this idiot do? he brings it! i mean really dude i have a burn on my face from your food and you're incompetent and you're charging me? so i whip out my cash and i stick it in the bill holder and he isn't there.

he's gone.

so i wait. yeah a while longer. nope he doesn't come back.

fuck this, now i'm pissed! so i stalk inside walk right past him and up to someone else and say 'may i have my change?' he smiles and takes the bill 'and i'm never coming here again.'

"but why?" [he's served me before by the way... the one i walked up to, so he knows i don't make a habit of this]

so i tell him. so he comps my bill and i say 'thank you, i was stunned that when i demanded my bill he brought it' and then i go 'seriously dude even when i had finished my salad and my fries the sandwich was still too hot to eat, like you guys have to be careful i have a blister forming on the inside of my lip right now' and he thanks me for the feedback.

so i tell him i may come back but that it won't be soon.

we parted satisfied.

can you imagine that this freaking waiter actually started back talking me when i got burned by his product??

*shakes head*

and i can't get a service job in this town!

i have this strange and oddball theory about dating that i've recently formulated because of something i did while having a nice lunch recently. i touch people for a living.

yeah if you don't do my kind of work you only think you know what i mean.

i have to touch bones. i have to touch insertion points of muscles. i have to get people to find muscles they've never heard of or met or used and get them to bring them under their own control.

i have to guide their bodies to the right alignment and then ask them to move. i have to teach them to melt to my touch so their bones can realign.

and sometimes? no matter how many words you use a well placed finger is just so much more effective.

so i've had my hands or fingers or toes or forehead on [this list is random and inevitably incomplete]:
.the back of men's thighs
.the sitting bones (go sit on your ass on something hard {perverts!}. feel those two bones you're sitting on?}
.the most ticklish part of the foot
.the space directly below your ears that forms a hollow with your jaw
.breast brushes happen constantly with women
.butt brushes and more happen with men
.almost elbowed a man in the balls more than once
.the nape of your neck
.the back of your knee
.your fingers, your wrists and your inner elbows
.pubic bones (yes the bone at the joining of your pelvis in the front that's just up from the female genitalia ...)
.large butt muscles
.tail bones (yes the bone just above your anus)
.smalls of backs
.tops of pelvises
.sacro-iliac joints
.deeper and darker bits of the sacrum
.toes and ankles and greater trochanters (bone at the top of your thigh bone that is straight out from your pubic bone)
.rib joints (yes they have joints)
.any part of the spine
.all of the back muscles
.slick sweat
.beautiful muscles
and i know i'm missing things...

and i say things like "i'm about to touch your pubic bone, is that all right?" and then i do it.

but i don't touch right anymore in social settings. i ask beautiful men if i can touch them and then do so clinically, like a teacher.

i wonder if that's how i've been killing the flirt vibe, taking away the body language inadvertently... like you don't ask a man you're on a date with if you can touch his back, you just do it. you do ask a friend or a client or a subordinate or whatever... but if no one is sure if you're dating or not then maybe, just maybe, you've turned it off inadvertently.



Blogger SignGurl said...

First off, thanks for the linkage. I always enjoy reading Sass's thoughts but haven't had much time to write my own. I'm making a conscious effort to visit every time I'm online.

That waiter seriously needed to be slapped. It would have only taken him an extra 20 seconds to ask you how you were. (How are your burns, btw?)

As for the teacher touching (that sounds so dirty, *snort*), I think you may be onto something. Most potential dates don't want to be asked to be touched. You should both know if the feeling is there. I think it's awkward when someone asks if they can touch you. Just do it and if I recoil, then you know you shouldn't do it again.

7/19/2006 06:42:00 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

First comment, bitches!!!

7/19/2006 06:42:00 PM  
Blogger Leigh said...

Hope your mouth is feeling better, what a way to wreck your meal.

What great job perks you have.

7/19/2006 07:01:00 PM  
Blogger Madame X said...

Please tell me you didn't tip him!!!!

You find about about killing that flirt vibe let me know...i am in the same boat.

7/19/2006 07:02:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

sign: you're welcome, you know you've been linked for ages right? :) i'm flattered that you think my blog is worth following so closely, thank you!

that waiter better get slapped, i'm hella offended... and they weren't even busy. my mouth is okay but the corner where the stuff hit hard is still feeling tender.

i know it sounds dirty as hell doesn't it? and at the same time if a date asked ME if he could touch me casually i would look at him funny. so yeah, i might be... hard to say :)

now to wonder if such things are returnable...

also? ^5 on the first comment!

7/19/2006 07:02:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

leigh: yeah my mouth is doing better, thanks for asking, i think it will be tender a day or two though.

are you sure those are perks? i didn't say WHO i got to touch *grin* and besides, it's breaking me socially.

madame: lord no, and i'm hoping i got him soundly chastised!

i will SO share that info with you if i find out i'm right, i suspect you have a similar problem maybe?

7/19/2006 07:03:00 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Ommigod, one of the worst blisters ever was in the roof of my mouth from biting into a pizza that had been delivered (took me 4 times to type delivered) and it hurt for weeks..........

no tips

7/19/2006 07:14:00 PM  
Blogger Madame X said...

Yeah I am always touching my students.
You are correct that a touch can do so much more than words when you are teaching but than again that is true in life too.

7/19/2006 07:16:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

okay, that waiter's lucky you didn't punch him in the pubic bone.

your question about the touching is an interesting one. i wonder if you need to re-train yourself when you're in social situations to FORGET the teacher touch and remember the casual one. to see if you're right.

it's like when i used to take a lot of dance classes and couldn't dance freeform on a dance floor anymore. i simply couldn't. i was always thinking in terms of choreography... and boy, is THAT lame in a nightclub...!

7/19/2006 08:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Princess Valium said...

Awww... you would link to my blog? I'm so honoured. *Blush*

You know, the only thing stopping me from starting a blog is the fact that I'm afraid I'll have one of those 'downer blogs' and all I'd do is write massive posts about how much my life sucks. Any advice on how to temper that urge while still actually being honest?

As for the touching job vs dating thing... I don't think that's it. I know lots and lots of people with 'touching' jobs and none of them have ever said that the nature of their work interfered with their personal lives (insofar as the touching, familiarity and/or clinical approach thing is concerned). I mean, if male gynecologists can get dates...

7/19/2006 08:31:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

You link to me and I link to you and it's all good. You're my One Tree Hill buddy.

I hope you got that waiter fired.

Re the touching... why do you ask them? I mean I know it's what you do for a living but you're in a different setting... you ask your clients but after they say yes, they're not going to buy you a drink or touch you back or whatever. I think in social settings the only time you should be asking these guys if you can touch them is if you really are referencing a pilates/climbing thing. I say stop asking... if you want to be flirty, then touch away ... if they're not into you, you'll know it by their reaction to the touch. But if you premise it with clinicism, they can't possibly get the idea that you'd like to touch them while doing naked pilates.

7/19/2006 08:38:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...


Oh Sass I am so sorry you got burned babe! That totally sucks when you get horrible service like that; I seem to run into that in the town I live in since most people assume you are a tourist and won't come back anyway.

It is completely frustrating!! It takes a big thing for me to complain, I am pretty even tempered so when I get annoyed and complain my friends know I'm serious.

I once went to Macy's to buy a pair of shoes and could get NO ONE to bring my size out (they were all standing around in a big group talking ignoring the customers waiting around) It took close to a ½ hour to get someone to help me and I knew what I wanted!!! So then I finally get someone (from a diff dept) to get me the pair I wanted and I walk over to another counter (I think it was watches or something) since I know they get commission on sales and I sure as hell wasn't giving it to them. Well the stupid lady at the other counter told me that I have to buy them in the shoe dept (which I know is a damn lie since I shop there all the time) Well I told her how long it took to get help, I told her the horrible service that I got and left the shoes with her; I believe my last comment to her was something about how I was sorry that she didn't want to help me and since it was apparent that noone who worked there cared I would take my money else where and I left the shoes with her. It took me a long time before I went back! (and I am a total shoe whore too!)

Try this stuff called Smith's Rosebud Salve (I know they sell it at Sephora and Urban Outfitters) it's like 5 bucks and its fabulouso!! It will make the tender skin feel better plus I use it on my hands/feet, cuticles and as a lip gloss; the stuff it really cool. And I always get compliments on my nails :)

7/19/2006 09:18:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...


Okay I totally get the touch warning. Many Yoga teachers I have been to do it as well as massage therapists. I actually stopped going to a Yoga class where the instructor didn't do it; it made me feel uncomfortable when he would touch and not warn, don't get me wrong I am not a total prude but I think his creepy tone had something to do with it too.

While I think you should continue to do it in your client type setting I do think your should try to nix it in the dating pool. Asking in that sort of situation can be a little uncomfortable. On one hand I think that it shows a total respect for the other person and their boundaries but on the other I can see where it can kill the mood or make it seem more like a "clinical" touch and not an "I like you" touch. The only time when I thought it was totally sweet and very gentlemanly was when a guy asked me if he could kiss me. I think that is very sweet and nice :) (am I a big romantic sap or what...geez!)

Sass I totally dare you to pinch some guys butt that you are into (without asking of course!) :)

7/19/2006 09:27:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kj: oh man that's happened to me! this one turns out to have burned the roof of my mouth and i didn't notice because i was too busy crying over my lip. i so have sympathy for you.

no tips, no pay, may not return.

madame: yeah me too. i touch them all the time... though i try not to touch them on the first two reps to see if they can find it themselves.

i guess it is true in life...

terry: fucking right he is.

i think i do need to retrain myself to learn to touch people socially, it hit me like a sack of hammers the other day and i didn't even really get why it hit me so hard except i'm certain that it's true. whether it's RELEVANT in all cases doesn't matter, clarity was talking about the way women touch themselves when they flirt and i don't do ANY of that anymore either.

(you know like twirl your hair or touch your lips or whatever)

i'm going to try to learn how but i expect it will be hard. almost as hard as choreographed nightclub dancing *grin*

and that's just what i mean yes

7/19/2006 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

PV: fucking right i would, you're a wicked funny writer when you get going.

well look if you're afraid you'll have a downer blog just add a pile of reviews of tv shows, ranting about buffy and uh... you know. just mix it up.

sometimes when i'm depressed i tell climbing stories and sometimes i just write a depressed post. you're a lot cheerier than you once were, just write how you are.

i don't think that it interferes with my personal life per se, i think i forgot how to touch people socially and have to learn how again. i suspect many of them did it instinctively.

jmai: god i can't wait til last season is out on dvd! i mean what happened?? (don't tell me!)

i hope i got him fired too, i was pretty horrified.

well i didn't mean to ask, i just did it and i didn't even notice i did it until later. and then i realised that i always do it and then i started to wonder.

i say stop asking too! i just only now realised that i do it and was wondering if that's how i kill the flirt. cause yeah, if i turn into teacher how does he know i want to teach him my favourite pleasure spots?

hunee service: me too! it hurt and i'm irritated and it's still faintly irking me. ah well, least it was free? i'm a straight woman eating alone in a gay bar. i'm not their ideal client i guess.

wow, that thing with the macy's ? i've so done that. to this day i don't shop at radio shack because the service gets me so pissed off.

okay i'll look into the salve... i used to get compliments on my nails and then i got into climbing again... :)

hunee touching: you have to do it, you can't just walk up to someone and stick your hands on their ass. even if you have permission when they're not expecting it it feels intrusive.

i bristle when people touch me if i'm not expecting it and i bristle more since i started teaching full time.

ew i hate teachers that do that! (mine doesn't count, she's MY teacher... she can touch me whenever she wants but she's earned that)

yeah i have to chuck it for dating, i think that sure it's respectful but it takes away any kind of romance in the touching. i wonder if i've done that all along or if i'm grasping at straws...

oh i LOVE when they ask if they can kiss us. it's all gentlemanly and sweet and melty! (me too !)

oh man... does he have to be straight???

7/19/2006 10:54:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

YES he has to be straight... but I am willing to amend; you can do a trial run with a gay boy first to get comfortable with it but after that it has to be someone you're are genuinely interested in and who likes girls :)

Always a loop hole huh?

7/19/2006 11:11:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hunee that's like a hundred times more forward than i'm comfortable being. like a hundred times.

i was thinking a feather light touch on the back and a pointed finger :)

love me some loopholes

7/19/2006 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Dude, you can touch my pubic bone any time. I totally trust you with the body stuff...and that's a great pick-up line ... hehehe...I am about to touch your... of course if you said penis...that could be an issue.

I get tired of people overusing phrases as well...especially when they are bad phrases or phrases tha torture the language. Bitches!

You explanaion of when you decide to link people made me smile...I have not gotten requests for links. Maybe I seem unaproachable...or maybe my blog is suckage.



7/19/2006 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

Man, I'd been so ticked off at the server too. I've waited tables and bartended for more years than I can remember, so...I try to always give the server a break. But this guy...jerk!

7/19/2006 11:36:00 PM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

Sass you are sooooo patient! Unless I know the owner or a server personally my response to poor service is simple and without deviation: I pay the bill without tip and I never return. I'm not interested in paying to tolerate someone else's bad day, whether it is the chef, server, owner, or whomever. So depending on my day and the degree of disservice, I will be charitable up to a point. I've never walked away without paying the bill but there have been times when I've been very loud and left no uncertainty as to my opinion of the place. There is a lot of good restaurants out there which get my return business and I usually try new ones on word of mouth.

No on to the good stuff. Your touching list was semi sensual!! Which leads me to believe that you are the touchy feely sort of person. My favorite type of person, cuz you have to imagine that touchy feelies are gonna be good with their hands on all occasions. So your question about deflating sensual touch with a clinical approach has me stumped. I think that if there seems to be confusion in how your touches are perceived then you need to put a little more spice in the touches! All guys take note of those girly non verbal things like touching your lip or touching your hair.

As a rule, I think that entering someone's personal space has to be by invitation, not necessarily verbal but without uncertainty. If that makes sense.

7/19/2006 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nat: thanks babe, i'd still ask before i did it. i'm glad to hear that i come across as trustable, i do try my hardest not to hurt people.

i've gotten perilously close trust me!

it's the torturing the language that kills me, i repeat things too but they tend to at least approach the english language you know?

i've gotten a couple and always from strangers. and you know damm well your blog doesn't suck!

i wasn't people who are up and down like [as othercat would say] like a whore's pants on payday to know why i don't link them :)

kathi: i was pissed at him and i know how to serve, in fact i'm stellar good at it. that makes it even harder to take.

pyr: note that i didn't pay for my meal though right?

had server 2 charged me for my meal i would never return for certain, that the bill was comped and an apology tendered simply means that i won't actually tell people i hate the place though i am unlikely to eat there again. the service is only mediocre on a good day.

had he kept me waiting five more minutes i would have found a manager and explained why i wasn't paying my bill before i left... as it is i'm satisfied with the outcome.

i recommend places i love to everyone, there are places where i've walked in and seen more than one table filled with my recommendations... so yeah, me too.

i'm glad my list was semi sensual, it was meant to be that way... i wouldn't want it otherwise. i'm not a natural touchy feely person, i've learned the behaviour from my job. do i like the behaviour? fucking right!

i think that when you say 'is it okay if i touch your back' and then you give someone an example thingy they're not taking it like 'hey i want to boink' but instead like 'hrm doesn't want to boink me...'

spice... yeah that's what i lost.

actually it does make sense. it's the difference between a welcome good night kiss and an unwelcome shoulder touch and i HATE when people presume they have the right to touch me. the ones who presume never do.

funny how that works. and yes pyr it makes sense!

7/20/2006 12:17:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

Weird I thought I left another comment on here...what happened to it?

7/20/2006 01:12:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hunee: there's service and touching which are (i think) your first two and then the one about okay i can do a gay boy as a trial run...

and then this one. what did we miss?

7/20/2006 01:28:00 AM  
Blogger sugarpunk said...

WOW... the nerve of people..

and as far as linking goes.. personally for me.. i had to ask someone else to do it.. BUT i was NEVER offended when i wasnt linked.. and i know i use other peoples blogs as i go to get to the next.. and i do know who links who.. LOL.. yes is a huge clusterfuck in my mind too...

touching.. i think all touching is good.. but then again im a huge fan.. whether being taught or flirting.. or teaching someone how to make my body respond.. its all TOUCHING.. YAY!

the fucking waiter is an imbecile.. apparently he hasnt realized where his next meal is from...
although im semi-glad you came to an agreement with the other dude... makes for a better next time .. when there is one..

and no matter sass.. sometimes i read 4 of your posts at once.. *cheesy grin* .. and some days.. i dont ahve a thing to say.. then you catch me on a day like this.. and well.. i say a lot..

7/20/2006 03:32:00 AM  
Blogger sugarpunk said...

clarification.. i had to ask some other person to do my links.. so yeah sometimes it was a while before they were totally bored..

pssttt... i left up the old you are kidding me blog for the soul purpose to have the link list.. *heeeheee*

7/20/2006 03:34:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

A whore's pants on payday....a classic is born.


7/20/2006 06:56:00 AM  
Anonymous gabriella said...

up and down like a whore's drawers on pay day?

sounds like my bank balance. :) or ;P

i bet the dumbwaiter (that goes up and down too) won't be there for long. i somehow doubt he took a dislike to you but he adores the other customers. yanno?

7/20/2006 07:17:00 AM  
Blogger john said...

Well, personally I'm touched by your post on touching... ;-)

I am a pretty patient guy and I can overlook some server missteps if it is really busy or the server's new or something like that, but if I get exceptionally bad service I never go back again, period. For instance, I had a couple of buddies come out to visit once so we went to one of your standard bar & grill chains to get a bite to eat. When they bring the food out, one of my friend's chicken is still raw (like way raw) in the middle so we send it back. The manager comes over and is super apologetic and offers us all a round of beers. Do we order the bottled domestic? Oh no, we order the tall glass microbrews. At this point, I'm willing to forgive the mistake since the manager apologized and we all got some good suds to sip out of the deal. However, when we get the check we are not only charged for the raw chicken, but ALL FOUR BEERS as well. WTF?!!! I've worked in plenty of restaurants in my day, and in just about every one of them all four meals would have been comp'd, if not at least the raw chicken. And to charge us for the very beers that they themselves offered to smooth things over? Un-freakin'-believable. Needless to say I haven't been back since.

7/20/2006 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Sweet Li'l Gal said...

Sass... you're so right about the linking. You're now added to my link list... although I'm so computer illiterate that I can't figure out how to put a sidebar on my blog. The link list will have to do until i can grow myself a brain...

About the touching thing... I admit that I don't really like being touched. At yoga class even, I'm not the one who really enjoys being adjusted. I'd rather be told verbally how to adjust. And yet I'm a total toucher. I do it unconsciously to build bonds, I think. I'm always touching someone's arm when laughing, or pushing jokingly or flirtatiously cupping faces... i can't keep my hands to myself. As a teacher I have to consciously hold back, as it's now even inappropriate to pat students on the back... can never be too careful. Maybe this casual touching puts people off just as it would if people were touching me. I had never thought of this until now. Hmm... I like how you ask first, though, that doesn't seem weird to me, just respectful of personal space.

7/20/2006 12:19:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

sugar: tell me about it, i couldn't believe he started to tell me off about how he was the greatest waiter ever. i think he lives next door too!

regarding linking i never mind when people have no links and i certainly don't think people have to link me but i do wonder often about people who clearly hang out here and yet don't link me. i can't say much, i'm pretty sure i'm linked from people i don't link back... and i know i link people who have never been here (salam pax for example) ... i just, i reorganized and the rest just came out :)

you're funny, i follow the circle around too and save for last the blogs with no links!

as for touching, i was never touchy feely before i got this job at all... at all. and i love that i've learned to touch from it because i touch my friends and loved ones so much more. i only really noticed that i didn't 'flirt touch' when i noticed how easily my ex and i brushed off each other and stuff... i was like hmm and couldn't remember the last time i had touched a man so easily.

the fucking waiter missed the whole part about tipping. it baffles me, it's 3 in the afternoon, you have four tables and you can't be bothered visiting one of them? you're that busy? like come on! and yeah, i'm glad i spoke to someone as well. how else to get him fired right?

heh i read four posts at once often! :)

sugar redux: hey i'm always up for helping with that kind of stuff.

if i were bubblegum or you i would have done the same.

nat: well othercat has been saying it for a while but it is fantastic isn't it?

7/20/2006 02:55:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

gabi: yup, lovely image isn't it?

(mine too!)

i think a dumbwaiter would actually have served me better than that guy, he was really pretty awful. i don't actually think he didn't like me, i think he really thought he served me well by ignoring me for half an hour.

john: hee, i'm touched that you're touched!

holy fuck. did you pay the bill? i would have been so far up that manager's ass he wouldn't have known what hit him.

where i worked desserts would have been offered, the raw chicken AND whatever replaced it would have been free but y'all would have paid for the other three meals.

that was pretty impressibely fucked. and nor would i have returned there.

sweet gal: oh boy, i wasn't intending to guilt anyone into linking me .. [looks deep into own heart... okay maybe a little *g*]

you have a sidebar on your blog already, you just have to add stuff to it. let me know if you need help and i can start it with a link or two and you can just copy after that.

except the the studio that put me back together where i have implicit trust in all four women that work there AND where we've all already negotiated the touching? i HATE when people or teachers touch me without asking. that's actually one of the things that drove me mental about the last guy i was seeing. he'd put these possessive hands on me at the worst times and i'd feel claimed somehow. (i don't mean hand holding walking down the streey hey)

i will try to verbally tell you but if it doesn't work i will touch you, i'll just try to ask first and i'm pretty good at asking.

i used to do that kind of touching that you do easily but i've lost it and i want it back. i see why people used to call me a flirt but i'm not one anymore

oh that must be hard, those kids are starved for touch and you can't touch them. that must be really hard.

i don't think that kind of casual touch puts people off... well maybe the face cupping if it isn't a date but otherwise no. i ask first at WORK but i don't think i should in private

do you?

7/20/2006 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Sweet Li'l Gal said...

well, in private that might be a bit clinical, as someone earlier had suggested. that's like the person asking if they can kiss you when they just should have read your cues and gone ahead and done it. i hated the kiss askers. maybe touch asking would be just as strange? I like that you do in a professional setting though.
You're right about my students. There are so many tears shed over boys/girls, so many arguments, so much drama that you just want to hug them so much of the time. But there's the line. No contact. Can be misread. I see that a gentle hug of understanding on my part could be interpreted as something more significant on their part, especially because, as you've said, they are never touched. I hate that this is what the classroom has come to. It's all so mechanical and head-heavy. Even your heart has to be tempered by government guidelines...

7/20/2006 04:17:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

i think we can all learn a lesson about appropriate touching and inappropriate touching from shrub...

i mean, president bush. mr. handsy.


anyway. i'm with the others who suggested you stop asking about touching in your private life.

funny the things we don't even know we're doing...

7/20/2006 04:49:00 PM  
Blogger othercat said...

With respect to the "up and down like a...." comment, I cannot lay claim to that one. Sometimes I'm terribly unoriginal. I have to give credit where credit is due, and admit these things. I'm just a parrot in this case. When I come up with something new and original, hopefully I'll remember enough of it to pass it on.

As for the eejit waiter, I don't think I'll be patronising whatever establishment that is anytime soon. I don't like to be treated like a potted plant by someone who expects a tip now matter how surly the service. I have never worked as a waiter, but as an avid restaurant patron, I know good service when I see it. It gets rewarded in proper fashion. If you're a real jerk about it, I leave exactly 2 cents for a tip and I hope they get the hint.

7/20/2006 05:23:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

Okay so the post that went away??? Said something like it is supposed to be outside of your comfort norm! Go for it, everything we do is uncomfortable the first time you do it, then you practice and it gets less and less uncomfortable until it becomes norm. Do it and see.

A good one to do is to position yourself behind the person and go in for a quick pinch and retreat when he turns around (which he will!) point a finger at Pile (or whoever might be standing next to you; a boy would be better) next to you, smile big and shrug your shoulders.

Hell practice on some friends until you get comfy with it. I read something I while back about cuddle parties, google it maybe something will come up. It sounded strange and interesting, but it is true that practice makes perfect :)

Do something "uncomfortable" Sass ;)

I am in the cheering section!

7/20/2006 09:20:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

sweet gal: by the way the reason that you don't show up in recent comments is your '

i'm trying to recall if there's ever been a kiss asker in my life. you know i'm not sure. there have definetely been other questions though. i think touch asking might be stranger, you're sort of supposed to do the 'unconscious touching' it's one of the ways our bodies realise they like each other. professionally it's required.

oh those poor children, i can utterly understand why you can't touch them but it must be so freaking brutal sometimes. head heavy. well put.

terry: is he really? after his party got clinton impeached for it?

i'm with the others too! i wish i had stopped asking sooner :)

oh yeah babe, i can't wait to see what else i notice myself doing...

7/21/2006 12:27:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

othercat: you may be unoriginal but you have a great memory for lines and that's important too. you'll make a great stand-up comedian on the moon.

well i don't like that place anyway but they make a delicious wrap sandwich there. i may get a craving for it again.

i love tipping well, it makes me happy... but i don't have to.

hunee: that's weird, i wonder why it went away. anyway, i'm willing to do things outside my comfort zone but that isn't really the right thing. i'll tell you what i do and you decide if it meets the challenge okay?

i've done that, but not to boys i like, only in silly groups.

oh i've read the cuddle party stories .. weird stuff, i've been in group massages and i've sat downstairs at a black room party and contemplated how unattractive all the people in the room upstairs in the dark were...

i will!

7/21/2006 01:16:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

So what are you thinking of doing? :)

What is a black room party?


7/21/2006 01:11:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

now hunee that would be telling!

uh they tape up all the windows, put mattresses all over the floor, invite lots and lots of people and turn off all the lights.


7/21/2006 11:38:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

That sounds silly :) But fun if you knew everybody, you could jump on the "bed" hehe and not get in trouble

hey since your bed is too expensive to jump on and your neighbor makes herself at home at your place; go into hers on day when she's out and jump on her bed. Have a blast then smooth it out and she'll never know ;)

7/21/2006 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hunee i knew most of them and they and the ones i did not know were nearly universally unnattractive. some of them had nice features but they were not attractive regardless.

they weren't playing in the dark for jumping on the bed... my then boyfriend, a friend of ours and myself were the only people who didn't go upstairs. ew.

my bed has no box spring too. hers is a loft and i'd hit the ceiling. but yeah, i've just started being rude to her again, it seems like i have to alternate a little or something...

you're hilarious hunee :)

7/22/2006 02:28:00 AM  
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