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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Sunday, October 08, 2006


today is one of those days.

one of those perfect days that only happen in late september or october and that are so easy to miss. somehow you blink and it's winter and you didn't have any fall.

when i left my house at eleven this morning it was chilly out. i was wearing pilates shorts and a tank and a sweatsuit overtop. when i left class two hours later it was too warm for the pants and i ended up never zipping up the sweatshirt.

less than an hour after that? the sweatshirt was gone.

i love this kind of day. hot as hell in the afternoon and cold enough for a jacket at night. this is fall to me. the rains came hard, cold, and early this year which probably contributed to my sense of blah. also i find it interesting how many folks i know are also blah at this time of year.

sometimes i wonder if it's something i'm trained to. because of certain rhythms that existed in my house as a child. or because of the training regime of a swimmer.

see i can never get myself to work out in august and early september. can't do it. i did last year easily because i had JUST gotten allowed to climb again and i was so excited about that that it overcame things. interestingly i had a bit of a break at the end of september as some sort of replacement or something.

and in swimming the break? when you're at the level i was at anyway, is from the end of july/beginning of august (nationals/youth championships) to late september. and it took me a lifetime to notice that that's some kind of weird programming now.

i think that's a cool thing to finally notice.

i heard about the coolest place to go hang out today and i'm totally stoked about it.


it's this circus practise place and two nights a week they have a sort of open night and you can go and learn stuff like how to surf on a board on a barrel or whatever. people will go in and practise their juggling or whatever and there's beer for sale (but it's not really that kind of place) and a dj.

i'm totally stoked and i'm not bringing anyone i know.

maybe later, after i'm in the group or decide if i want to hang, but for now i'm going by myself. i can't think of anyone who would want to play that kind of game except pile and he's too busy at circus school to come and play at circus play place.

but i imagine he is the type i might bring.

i didn't get the impression that people who aren't into this sort of thing were actually welcome really. not so much unwelcome just, hrm... like they wouldn't fit in.

like bringing a manicurist to a climbing party *snerk*

anyway i'm excited, and of course, once i scope the place out i may change my tune.

i think that with the advent of real fall weather and a sort of reformed expectation of what it will be like when i go outside that i'm cheering up. i'm still in the mood to hibernate but it's more like i feel like doing indoor activities than that i feel like hiding in my apartment and not talking to anyone.

that could be because my sister is visiting me and i might be artificially inflated by that... but then what's artificial about that? i really AM happy because she's here. so if that's a placebo does it matter? i mean once it has it's desired effect this shouldn't matter in the slightest.

actual thanksgiving dinner tomorrow at lorax and clarity's.

yes, i'm stoked.

extra machine classes with rr to prepare for a series of mat classes with dianne miller.

rr just shook her head and implied that i'm going to die. she says SHE gets yelled at!!! i'm a bit afraid.

and so excited.

so she's working the saturday class and me the rest of the week extra hard. those poor other girls :)

what's better? to marry your best friend or to marry your sexual fantasy?

i've seen hockey. hockey was on television.

i've seen boys in hockey jerseys.

yay! thank you for hockey season.

sharing more than three bottles of red wine with someone and forgetting to drink water?

recipe for a two day hangover.

ohhhh *groan*

there is no reason to be awake right now.

the air outside is so crisp and delicious. i love the way air smells when leaves are turning... it's indescribeably awesome.

it's cool and fresh and clean and smells of hibernation and loam and snow and turning earth. and no, i don't know how i smell that in the middle of the city but i do.

mmmmmmmm fall.


Blogger debambam said...

Hey you my favorite pilates girl!! I missed ya....but now I need a month to catch up on what you been thinking and doing and to absorb all the wonderful wisdom you are so good at dispensing....I will try and do so once Zoe is at her new school and all settled in..in the meantime i'm sending you an email asking for some advice, so be on the lookout ok???
As for not noticing the change in seasons..we get the same thing here. Well we did down where I used to live...now I'm in the tropics so theres just hot or not so hot or hot and wet :)
Take it easy.
Cheers, Kelly

10/08/2006 04:47:00 AM  
Blogger debambam said...

OMG i'm the first commentor! Yay for me!! That never happens....

10/08/2006 04:48:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

I like the word "loam."

happy fall ... it's been pretty chilly here (relatively speaking) because of the perpetual rain ... I both like it and hate it at the same time ... LOL

10/08/2006 09:38:00 AM  
Blogger Madame X said...

I had something intelligent to say but you mentioned men in hockey jerseys (My dad still calls them sweaters!) and I drooled and forgot what I was going to say.

OH! I LOVE the fall. New dance classes always bein in the fall so to me this is the begining of my year. In fact I tend to confuse people when in say "Next year" because I mean next September.

I want to go the the circus place!!!
I love the circus, I love clows (real ones not yamma clowns!) I love the trapeze and every year I tell myself that THIS is the year I learn to juggle!

Bet you'd rock the balance board!

10/08/2006 09:46:00 AM  
Blogger JMai said...

I love the fall... I miss it. I talked to my parents yesterday and they were on their way to some rural apple festival and I thought that sounded like so much fun.

That circus thing sounds like a lot of fun, too. I think I will never be brave enough to go to new places like that by myself.

And? It's better to marry your best friend. Sexual fantasies have never involved much talking.

10/08/2006 10:40:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hey deb deb: where have you been? i've been doing slow circles through blogland and i've missed you myself for a bit. all i know is that i think you've moved...

god i'm so behind

also? ^5 on the firstness.

dzer: i do too actually. it's such a lovely word and is inspired by such lovely weather.

i like the chill but the perpetualness of the rain gets to one after a time

10/08/2006 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

transition. and happiness? Or contentment? the beauty of Fall took me when I was young & never let go. Rains make the greyest days. Days that don't are perfection to me. Especially the ones when I can smell the earth turning. I interpret 'earth turning' as soil turning rather than axis tilting. Which interpretation did you mean? Yet with the tilting axis comes arctic air which also has a definite scent... and bite! Sass, when I see you at your most blissful, it isn't you so much as the beautiful world around you of which you just took notice.

10/08/2006 12:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love fall. that's usually when we get our best weather, with clear sparkly days. and i love it when people start using their fireplaces at night. love that smell.

that circus place sounds like great fun. i can't wait to hear more about that.

and i'm with jmai -- marry your best friend. there's no reason you can't have great sex with him.

10/08/2006 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger Dark Lady said...

The smell of fall reminds me of apple picking and halloween.
Isn't wonderful how smells affect us?

10/08/2006 01:31:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I love fall...love it. Maybe it's because I was a fall baby. In Argentina, that is. Here I am a Spring baby...which is not too bad...but Spring is no fall. I am particularly thrilled about this coming fall because I am headed somewhere where fall actually looks like fall. Although Orlando in fall is nice...well nicer than in Summer. The other day I was reflecting on this...the soft breeze at night...the absence of the opressive heat... lovely. I am glad you are feeling happy :)


10/08/2006 04:32:00 PM  
Blogger debambam said...

Hey I not only moved, but I moved to the TROPICS!! Northern Queensland will never be the same...oh and I left something behind...the man. I ended the relationship, it was all too much. Still having the same fights we were having before we got together...but I wont go into it here, suffice to say when I do something, I do it properly :)
Cheers, Kelly

10/08/2006 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

The weather in Kentucky was absolutely perfect this weekend.....

I know exactly what you're talking about, weather like this is beautiful

10/08/2006 08:15:00 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

I love fall. I love sweatshirt weather, more 'gloomy' days and nights with the windows open. Love it.

The circus play place sounds like such fun! I'm glad you're going alone.

Marrying your best buddy or sex fantasy...hmmmm, done both really, the buddy lasted the longest. Once you've been with the fantasy...it's not really a fantasy anymore. Hopefully next time I'll find someone who is a bit of both.

10/09/2006 08:11:00 AM  
Blogger john said...

Autumn's ok, but I'm a summer guy really. There are some redeeming features of fall (colors of changing leaves, college football season) but to me it is just the precursor to that dreaded winter season of snow and cold. I can't stand snow and cold. Give me warmth and summer sunshine any day!

Go with the best friend over the fantasy. Sex in a relationship comes in booms and busts... no, ups and downs... um... peaks and valleys... oh, forget it. What I'm trying to say is that there are going to be down times and you will be wishing you had something to talk about or have some other fun experiences to share during those times or else some serious resention will set in between the two of you. A relationship means that you have to actually, you know, relate...

10/09/2006 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

madame: you know i have to correct myself sometimes because i know no one will understand 'sweater'

and yeah, i drool over them too!

i love fall as well, but i still get all introspective and quiet at this time of year. and my year starts now too i totally know what you mean.

you i would bring to the circus place cause you would want to try all that stuff and it would suit you well

hope so, i aim to try!

jmai: and i bet it was so much fun too. i love that kind of hokey shit.

why wouldn't you be brave enough? i mean what's stopping you really?

well put with the talking, it's true that none of mine involve talking...

hubris: contentment i think. i have long loved fall, it comes quickly and violently further north and i loved it like that... the long and lingering rain stuff is weirder for me.

yes absolutely, i'm thinking of turning earth after harvest rather than turning on it's axis... but mmmm that smell!

thanks for that, i think you're right.

10/09/2006 03:57:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

terry: oh san fran sounds fantastic in the fall and i TOTALLY LOVE fireplace smell. i hate showering after camping because i have to give away the lovely smell...

i'm stoked and will tell you all about it as soon as i go!

i've had terrible sex with great friends and excellent sex with people i hated... and vice versa. but the first way is the way to bet :(

dark lady: mmm it reminds me of winter but in a happy and loving way. and it reminds me of leaf piles and long walks and hallowe'en. god i love hallowe'en... and smell!

nat: interesting, so in argentina i'm a spring babe... wonder how that would have change me. or maybe even late winter... august?

oh yeah you're going to see mr. hagfish aren't you? ireland must be GORGEOUS in the fall!

i am starting to feel better yes :)

10/09/2006 04:04:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

deb: dude! good on ya! maybe i'll fly in and never leave!

i got the impression from your blog a long ways back that that might be coming. there were things you didn't say you know?

and i'm proud of you for taking care of yourself.

kj: i've only ever been through kentucky in the winter but i bet it's so beautiful that it could make you cry in the fall.

i'm going out in it right now actually!

kathi: i leave the windows open when it's way too cold because i know that soon it will be impossibly cold and my apartment will get stale...

i'm glad i'm going alone too, i don't do that enough anymore... and i always have such fun going places by myself.

it would be nice to meet a man that my body and my brain liked equally... just once.

john: i love winter. love it. but i'm canadian, if i don't like winter i need to marry a carribbean and run off.

i think that if you can't talk to someone over breakfast you ahve no business being in a relationship with them. that said? i'm not averse to a fuck buddy.

that said... if you're going to get intimate with someone it really helps if you can talk to them, otherwise it's doomed.

10/09/2006 04:27:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

sass, I love that kind of stuff too. And the hayrides and the pumpkin painting (carving is so wasteful!) and not just the autumn stuff, but the spring strawberry festivals and such too. It's just so nice to be outdoors when the air is crisp and everyone's just there to have a good time. Ahh, seasons... how I miss them!

As for the not being brave enough thing... I'm just not the kind of person who enjoys doing things alone. Maybe "brave" was the wrong word. It's more that I simply prefer company. Although it's also true that if I wanted to go, and couldn't find anyone who wanted to go with me, I'd probably sit it out rather than go alone. Which is foolish of course... actually one of the few times I went to an event alone, it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life... I went to a sorority rush. It was great, I joined up, I met Nat. Good times!

I guess I'm still just shy sometimes. Maybe I need a buffer?

10/09/2006 10:06:00 PM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

3 bottles of red wine huh! Damn that'd be a wicked hangover :(

Nice to see you coming out of this funk. For me, hockey started and it snowed at work. I couldn't be happier.

Cheers to Autumn,

10/10/2006 05:13:00 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

I don't know if it's been asked, but what the hell are pilates shorts? Enquiring minds need to know...

10/10/2006 09:53:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

jmai: i like carving pumpkins but i do make the seeds and eat them...

you're right, it's the being outside together and treasuring the last/first of the good weather and smelling all the possibility in the air...

hrm... i think brave is the wrong word yes. i do find it interesting that you've done it and had good results and still don't do it. you'd think there would have been positive reinforcement.

maybe you need a buffer... just be careful it doesn't shield you from life instead :)

pyr: yeah it sucked ass. well he drank some too...

yeah, i'm fully into fall now and enjoying wearing clothes again which helps.

happy fall!

cas: uh... like tights only shorts?

10/10/2006 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

To marry your best friend all the way.

I love that smell too, so clean and nice REFRESHING :)

10/11/2006 10:27:00 PM  

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