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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Saturday, July 16, 2005

wishful thinking and an overactive imagination

"I thought he was digging me a little"
"Turns out he's just a nice guy"
[actual exchange with a friend]

So how do you tell the difference? When does a shared grin or a moment of eye contact or someone asking for your number go from being a friendly thing to a potentially romantic thing? At what point is the flirting that ANY male/female friendly folks do no longer just friendly flirting but something more?

How in fact do you tell the difference?

The thing that's funny about this is that I used to be hella good at it. I used to just *get* somehow that there was sparks between me and a man. Things used to just happen. Now I look as good as I did then, I'm a hell of a lot HAPPIER than I was then and I would say my whole aura is a nicer thing to be in the same room with.


Nothing. Like bupkus.

My dad thinks that it's because I'm 33 and thus all the decent ones my age are married or heavily involved. His theory is that I either have to find someone in their late 20s or early 40s. Either hasn't been snatched up yet or has gotten chucked out of at least one door.

I hate to say this but I'm starting to think he's right. I don't think I've met more than one attractive AND available man in my age group in the last couple of years. I've met younger ones and older ones... [the older ones are a little too older though being like 12-15 years older which is a bit much] but not so much anything my age.

This is compounded by the fact that many of those aforementioned men my age who are already involved seem QUITE willing to play around with me on the side. This is supposed to inspire confidence?

Perhaps I'm just not looking in the right places. I keep getting told that I need to 'put myself out there' ... uh yeah. I drum, I go to parties, I go to festivals, I climb, I leave my house a lot... how out there am I supposed to get? I'm never home as it is.

I suppose the fact that i live in the 'gaybourhood' and have lots of gay friends doesn't help but I don't really see why. They have straight friends too and are pretty good at assessing them. It's just they're all previously owned.

What's even funnier is those same 'put yourself out there folks' are the ones who say 'when you least expect it...'

seriously dudes... make up your minds!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"How in fact do you tell the difference?"


Which for me has been unmistakeable.
I've only been able to see about it just thrice.

7/16/2005 07:36:00 PM  
Blogger castufari said...

Spark is it. Meeting someone, making eye contact and the like is one thing. Meeting someone, making eye contact, doing double and triple takes as you feel something inside go "oh yeah" is the spark.

I don't think there are any "right" places. I used to think that you could meet someone doing what you loved or something that interested you, but looking around I don't know too many couples who met like that.

7/16/2005 08:25:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

i answered this but it went away

i've had spark... in fact my ex husband and i had spark. and i've had the relationship that grew out of friendship and turned into something more. both of these are good.

what i'm saying is that i used to be able to DISCERN spark and now i misconstrue friendship for spark.

so what happened? did i lost sparkappeal or did i lose sparkdetect?

7/17/2005 12:45:00 AM  
Blogger R. U. Serious said...

Just be careful. I find that when I have judgement issues I go for the easy marks. You've seen where that's gotten me.

Scared Bunny Blog – Yes, it’s offensive!

7/17/2005 01:19:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

yeah i've had my share of nutters as well...

fortunately i seem to notice sooner than you :)

7/17/2005 11:15:00 AM  

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