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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Saturday, July 22, 2006

mid-life crisis

i am not in the club.

i've had that fact brought home to me at length already and all but sometimes i have to get bitch smacked with it.

in other words? someone went to great extent to tell someone else right in front of me about all the fun activities up for this weekend and then when i walked over to use the phone he kept talking about their weekend plans and lowered his voice.

there was only one person within hearing distance.

and you know? that would be okay but why the fuck would the same guy make like he's all happy to see me when i show up?

uh what?

irony? i have to pick my parents up this weekend and bring them to the airport so i can't crash their little party anyway.

funnier still? i was talking to someone first when he came up, interrupted and proceeded to talk me out of the conversation... like seriously.

guess i understand why i never asked that guy out after all.

unfortunately i can't blame this one on pms or lack of food like i usually do, nope, i'm really just not in that particular club.

and you know? i try not to let crap like that get to me, i mean i was raised in the worst place to be weird in ontario and i came out of that okay but sometimes? watching that high school bullshit i can't help but feel a little wounding shaft pass through me.

and i want to not care. the same way i want to not care when a guy i'm into starts pointing out hot chicks to me and i realise that once again i am miraculously one of the boys. the same way i want to not care when i lose a client because i just know i failed to grab them somehow.

you know, the way the tougher people, the suits and the shiny folk downtown are. the ones who armour themselves in their glossiness and go out there and treat people like shit.

the ones who think they should save their turn signal bulbs because it's better than replacing them.

i am clearly overdue for a vacation, the crap is getting to me big time these days. i'm having trouble passing the homeless people and the news of another war in lebanon makes me want to gnash my teeth and weep.

i just can't figure out how to stay happy and positive right now. i mean yes i love my life and my friends and that it's summer in toronto but it just seems so futile with all this misery and war out there.

speaking of war, since when did CANADA take SIDES in arguments? our government has rejected our usual neutral stance in favour of shoving their noses up some militaristic asses and i'm fucking pissed right off. there needs to be countries like canada that get in the middle and mediate, without us no one ever stops fighting.

i'm seriously upset yo.

i didn't vote for this and neither did the rest of canada. we're the peacekeepers remember?

taking sides, good christ, our relations with some people won't be fixed for decades.

not to mention that that smarmy, growing fat, raccoon eyed hog in a suit is representing ME! god dammit.

heartbreak is:

i know this won't make sense to the non sport addicts in the room but please, if someone could explain to me how there's a team that's actually allowed to wear yellow as a team jersey in the tour de france?

no seriously?

not to mention that the announcer keeps calling it the tour day france instead of the tour de france. kinda painful to hear in that southern accent of his.

dammit it's not fair that he's making fun of himself for that one, how am i supposed to diss his nonexistent frenchness if he's going to make fun of himself?

i'm really glad that next friday at this time i will be dancing or sleeping or drumming or walking around or chatting with whomever or drinking whisky with othercat or hubris and otherwise just enjoying hillside.

i am overdue for some kind of vacation activity, in fact i don't think i've taken much more than two days off in a good six months or something. i am off from thursday at 4:45pm until monday at 5:30pm, i just don't see it getting any better than this.

oh wait, yes i do, in fact it's way better because it's several days off AT hillside as opposed to just a regular old weekend off.

it's my eighth year in a row this year and my third year in the same volunteer job (i did first aid for the first five years) and i'm totally excited. i get to hang out with the keeners and my job is to be calm, smile, know everything and tell people what to do.

i mean really? and for that i get free camping and free admission?

AND i get to be bossy?

day-umm. that's like heaven on earth.

i haven't read the program yet so on names alone i want to see:
kathleen edwards
sarah harmer
whatever happens at ten pm on the island stage on friday night
roxanne potvin (damm didn't know she was going!)
the sadies
jory nash
whatever happens on the lake stage at 5pm on sunday (trust me)

then there's the workshops but that schedule is too much of a pain to read until i'm looking at it in print.

oh i'm stoked!

i'm also stunned that hillside is in less than a week. it seriously felt like it was months from now and that summer had barely gotten started and yet here it is. the weekend that marks the long slow decline of the season.

the one that really kicks into gear that if you want to go to the beach/cottage/camping or whatever you'd better do it. the one that gets me sitting on patios just because i can and because i know that it will end.

somehow before hillside summer is never ending and after it's finite.

hee, hillside is the midlife crisis of the summer!


Anonymous gabriella said...

aha! i'm first first first. that's cause it's 4 a.m. and i just got back from the hospital half an hour ago. tis a terrible tale best left not told here.

anyway, didn't someone once define insanity as doing the exact same thing over and over again expecting a different result? so, if you throw a rock through your neighbour's window and he retaliates by breaking all your windows, burning down your garage, destroying your garden and poisoning your dog, (and the police force isn't interested because you threw the first rock and it's some demented universe anyway) would you go ahead, after having repaired your place, would you throw another rock through your neighbour's window? that would be a death wish. correct?

so why do the f///g Hezbollah do it?

i didn't used to be an pro Israeli. there have been many times when i would think, wtf? why should Israel exist anyway? who cares. nations are built and they are destroyed. that's how things go.

when they bombed the sh*t out of the Gaza strip a few weeks ago after a solder was (and still is) kidnapped, i thought 'hold on. this is way out of proportion.' however, given the Hezbollah aggression i've decided to side with Israel.

i think it's absolutely horrible that innocent people are dying. but the Hezbollah can be thanked for that. they put their headquarters etc. in the middle of regular residential areas. furthermore, the government of Lebanon is totally pathetic. they have no control whatsoever over what's happning in the country. either that or they are supporters of Hezbollah.

the Iranian president/prime minister, whatever, made statements regarding the total annhiliation of Israel.

ya know, Israel is. boundaries have changed throughout history. countries are formed and destroyed. for now it seems Israel is here to stay.

7/22/2006 04:12:00 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

That was some seriously long winded shit there.

I agree with the high school-ish bullshit. Actually I posted about how people are dropping their blog because of it on here. I hate that.

I am "meeting" more and more people from Canada, and I got to say that I at least like the women there.

Have a great time at the festival. Sounds like a blast.

7/22/2006 05:09:00 AM  
Blogger Madame X said...

Good Morning, Sass!

Being excluded on purpose hurts at any and every age.

I don't understand how a team is allowed to wear yellow either.
Besides the fact that it is rarely flattering on anyone Ive always understood it as a badge of honor

7/22/2006 08:05:00 AM  
Blogger castufari said...

I've spent most of my summer in Raleigh. I like that place, lots to do but it's damn nice to be home. And yeah, we're about at the point where summer slowly turns into fall. Which means another GP. :D

The whole Isreal thing saddens me. I don't care of Isreal anyway and this crap pisses me off. Isreal reminds me of the little kid who has everything he wants including parents (in this case the US) who believe he can do no wrong. He can start crap then point to his victim and say "but...but...MOM!" and the victim catches crap for it.

I have an idea. Take the money that we're giving to Isreal and buy up a chunk of land in the area and tell Pals to go there. They get their own land finally. Hell, but it on the other side of the Dead Sea so there is a nice water divider.

Both sides need a good ass kicking. Guys...ACT LIKE HUMANS. I, for one, am sick of this crap. Either get over it or swallow a bullet for me, you won't be missed.

I should post that in the local paper since Aville has a huge jewish population that starts up there "woe is us, we're being picked on again" spiel.

Maybe you were excluded because you're' too good for them? I think proper decorum dictates that if you're going to make plans do so out of the earshot of uninvited parties. I work with people who will do the same thing....ask you for something, get your advice on a party theme then invite everyone but you. I don't go to anything anymore but I see people look hurt when they see a crowd gathered to discuss something they're not invited to. Invite 'em anyway, they probably won't show up but it will make them feel better.

7/22/2006 08:43:00 AM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

"that smarmy, growing fat, raccoon eyed hog in a suit is representing ME!" You do realize that he was born and raised in Toronto! *grin* Not to mention that description could fit most politicians in general.

Regarding those glossy types: they are usually intimidated by people they know to be correct in action and purpose. It doesn't make them less arrogant but it does mean they tend to avoid people like yourself. Consider them small, very small, which should make their pissy little whisperings insignificant. Yeah, I know, easier said than done.

The middle East gives me a headache. It seems like that entire region has the audacity to force their shit on everyone else and be righteous in the action. So they are constantly squabbling. That entire part of the world seems dysfunctional and is an irritant like unwanted insects in your bedroom.

I agree that Canada should have maintained it's mediator role. I think that this is a sign of the times and as Canada continues to be stronger economically big business will sway our political and international identity.

As for yellow: I don't understand what the significance behind the color is?

7/22/2006 10:07:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

gabi: good lord i hope you and your babes are okay? wow.

yup, and my cousins do that to me whenever i pull on their door a few times before i try pushing on it. (clearly their builder doesn't know that doors in canada open in :)

frankly the hezbollah thing baffles the shit out of me, but the whole region makes me feel that way, i just do not comprehend all of these people who throw their lives away over and over. how is that better than the alternative? i just stare and shake my head.

i find the entire middle east conflict baffling (no i understand it i just don't understand why there are no 'cooler heads' in the region) and this latest escalation just makes me wish to weep.

and i'm not choosing a side, i don't have a side, i think everyone is wrong. i just wish we were still mediators.

jon: that's my usual post length... and welcome to idle mind.

i'll read that post when i get back from the farm, i'm about to be offline for the weekend. but yeah, the dying blogs are pissing me off.

well canadian men don't seem to be into canadian women so chances are you have a good shot!

it is a blast and i'm STOKED!

madame: morn!

yes. it really does.

that's my thought exactly, i don't get it... and it looks wrong for them to be in yellow, there is ONE damm yellow jersey, ONE!

7/22/2006 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

cast: nice. how's crtx?

i don't think i'll make GP this year but it looks good for next year. i think i can afford it then.

i feel the same way about israel, always running around and demanding their own way. it's just that i find everyone else over there equally stupid. they're ALL at fault.

i dare you to write a sane letter to the editor that says basically that.

cast i have to be too good for them, i would never do that. and neither would the person he was talking to who looked uncomfortable. i freaking hate that behaviour, it's rude and childish and i'm over that guy enough that i wouldn't cross the gym to say hi to him if he was in a wheelchair.

and word on the invites.

pyr: dude he went to my fucking high school, i want to die of embarassment.

i'm not intimidated by the glossy types i just sometimes wish i was a bit more like them, i think i would be wounded a lot less. course i'd probably like myself less too :)

you know i don't care, i'm used to not being in the clique but even in grade school they were more honest about it and back then i got beat up.

yeah, that's exactly how i feel about the mid-east myself.

fuck. i hate the sign of the times. hate it.

yellow jersey - current leader of the tour de france wears it and NO ONE else. so why is this team in yellow?

7/22/2006 10:50:00 AM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

...psssst,Hey Sass,you can admit it if you went out with him!!*lol*

So the color yellow doesn't represent death, or some political alignment, or affiliations with the KKK, or cowardice, or any other crazy thing. Well if that is the case: cool! It's nice to see somebody original get the prize. Watch next year it'll be a sea of yellow!

7/22/2006 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Madame X said...

The maillot jaune (yellow jersey), which is worn by the overall time leader, is the most prized. It is awarded by calculating the total combined race time up to that point for each rider. The rider with the lowest total time is the leader, and at the end of the event is declared the overall winner of the Tour. Desgrange(the Tours originator) added the yellow jersey in 1919 because he wanted the race leader to wear something distinctive and because the pages of his magazine, L'Auto, were yellow.

Just in case anyone is interested.

7/22/2006 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

pyr: i didn't. i was thinking of asking him out and the universe intervened a couple of times so i sat back and yeah, the universe was right.


nope, yellow means... well what madame says right after you...

madame: thanks for that, that is in fact exatly what i was trying to say and sums it up better.

i was interested so who gives a shit about anyone else?

i missed your change post when you first posted it but it sums up my feelings EXACTLY.

7/22/2006 01:21:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

heartbreak is blogs in japanese?

7/22/2006 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

oh..I get it now...

7/22/2006 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

sounds like hillside might be the CURE for the midsummer crisis...!

and GOD, i SO know how you feel about that high school shit. why do so-called adults do that? do they not have feelings??

i hope you get to dance and drum your troubles away at the fest.

7/22/2006 02:32:00 PM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

Jeepers Madame, you really throw some zingers out there. And some french as well. Do you speak Italian also? Very cool!

Sass: LOL, you made my day with that one!

7/22/2006 03:22:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

md: yes. at least when it used to be emma

terry: i'm hoping, it usually is and it usually feeds me until the next hillside, this one only missed by a couple of weeks :)

fair enough there's head messing stuff going on around me.

i just don't get that high school bullshit, why the fuck do you flirt and act happy to see me if you're going to whisper about parties i'm not invited to? i mean pick a side fuck.

i get to bliss my troubles away at the fest :)

pyr: i speak french and italian... well my italian kinda stinks.

i made your day? but how?

7/22/2006 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

Some things are just meant to be. And your thoughts make me smile often. But that whole thing with Harper is very funny to me!

7/23/2006 03:31:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

First off, that was just plain rude of that guy, to not only interrupt a conversation you were having, but then to muscle you out of it. Not only was it rude on his part, but it also was rude for the person you were talking with to allow that to happen.

Canadians are supposed to be famous for politeness and civility ... I seriously hope this was an abnormality and isn't becoming more of the norm, like it is in America.

*hugs it out*

7/23/2006 05:35:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

pyr: oh man i get it. this whole time i thought you meant i could admit i went out with mr. rude as opposed to mr. harper.

man it's so much funnier your way.

dzer: that really was, the thing is the guy that i WAS talking to? so mellow and relaxed that that sort of thing doesn't really phase him, and i did walk away myself. it was funny, not mr. rude? didn't say a word the whole time, just sort of nodded and looked embarassed.

yeah we're famous for it which means it's passe.

and it is

fucking tragic.

7/23/2006 08:58:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

-on Emma. A few weeks ago, I considered going back through her archives to download some pictures. Make a tribute in case she disappears or something. I considered it & now I wish I had.

on dude, why be so surprised by the behavior of a recent connection? It sounds like summer camp syndrome. You know? Go for a week, meet an awesome person, go home, find out they can be an ass like everyone else. We can't look for someone who won't be rude or hurt us or whatever because that angel doesn't live here. All we can do is look for the friend least likey to do substantial damage. Sorry you got steped on again, sass.

Please, if you can, show me ONE country in this world that peace loving citizens are not horrified by their goverment for SOME reason. Have faith my friend. This is still a beautiful home. Have faith. And for fucks sake, don't watch the news. You already know what happens out there. Stupidity is back by poopular demand. Time passes, pendulums will swing back to reason.

listen to me, don't walk that street
there's always an end to it
come & be free
you know who I am
we're just living people
we won't have a thing
so we've got nothing to lose
we can all be free
maybe not with words
maybe not with looks
but with your mind

-Chan Marshall


7/23/2006 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

Oh yeah, I'm home for most of today...

Call me about class Monday

7/23/2006 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: yuo know i did the same thing, and i really wish i had myself.

recent? dude i'm talking about salt. you know, the guy who introduced himself to us last august? with the hot redhead? yeah them.

dude i'm getting used to the stepping.

uh holland?

i gotta go teach :)

i do love canada and i do have faith, no worries hon...

nice lyrics

also? hillsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!

7/23/2006 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I have this going on at work sometimes. There are some people who are like he popular people in High School. I mean, I am popular...people like me...but I am also quirky and honest and that doesn't get me brownie points with some people. But there are cliques. And it's funny cause they have these conversations about all their plans for the weekend and then recaping the fun they had over the weekend. Don't get me wrong...it's not even like I would want to hang out with them. I don't dislike them...but way too often their idea of fun is getting plastered... and not remembering driving home. Not my kind of thing. But it is somewhat odd that they are so loud about it and yet never think about the people sitting there. If I am making plans to go to the movies with a friend, that's one thing...but planning a huge blow-out and not even saying...ummm do you want to come, half-knowing I won't is somewhat odd. But then again... I am for honesty.


7/23/2006 01:47:00 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how old I get or what environment I am thrown into.........there is always going to be someone around that makes me feel like I'm in high school.


Good for you for getting a vacation!!!! Enjoy

7/23/2006 05:41:00 PM  
Blogger mightydoll said...

sass- ahh. got it :)

excuse me...


Its the new lie!

7/23/2006 05:44:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

uhh... sorry all, didn't realise I was signed in as MD.

That would bee Hubris' comment up there :)

7/23/2006 05:53:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: at least i didn't get stepped on by someone that i didn't already know was an ass right?

i know that canada is still wonderland, but that doesn't mean that i don't get to be horrified at our growing rudeness and inability to act like civilised people.

oh man, reason... we could use some of that. want to catch 'an inconvenient truth' with me?

hubris redux: crap i didn't read that second comment, or i would have told you to meet me at the gym. i'm home now.

nat: i am that kind of popular where i get invited to the really big parties and people are happy to see me but they don't give a shit if i'm not there.

i have noticed the same thing, drinking always seems to play heavily into their tales and i always seem to hear about them. it's rude, why do they have to be rude?

i am one for inviting everyone to parties, weird i know.

7/23/2006 06:39:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

(nat: which tends to make for great parties)

kj: me neither actually.

oh man kj i am SO stoked... i mean last year i think i got a good five posts out of hillside!

md er hubris : :)

see it isn't even surprising is it?

*cough* hillside *cough*

and that line to nat is spot on!

hubris two: no worries man, i've done that before.

7/23/2006 06:42:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

*passes to left*


k. tired of waiting... we should setup camp tonight

7/23/2006 09:03:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: oh man dude

i'm so stoked it's sick!

yay for hillside!!!


*packs tie dyed skirt*

7/23/2006 10:47:00 PM  
Blogger Blessed said...

Chin up! Yes, easier said than done. I'm tired of the high school
BS too. Come on people can't ya grow up???? I guess not. I think some people get stuck in an awful rut. Well, I say wake up!
I think people do that high school BS becuz deep down inside they are insecure.
You know, in all the blogs I read in my little circle no one really mentions what's going on overseas and I have to say it's scaring the dickens out of me! War! For goodness sake-we're in a war with Iraq! So many people so volatile.
It's like a time bomb.
So here's to wishing you less stress and hoping you get a vacation.

7/23/2006 11:23:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Those people piss me off. I don't need to know that I'm not allowed to know about your thisthatandtheother. Move on.

Hillside sounds like a blast even though I don't think I've heard of any of those performers.

What happened to bubbles? Is she ok?

7/23/2006 11:56:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

blessed: i actually don't comprehend that kind of behaviour, but i'm pathologically polite. and the person i had been talking to was there today and we hung out and chilled and it was fine. he doesn't have a high school bone in his body and i think is embarassed when that kind of crap happens around him.

and mr. rude wasn't there. i've officially changed my first nick, he is no longer his former nick and is now mr. rude. love it.

i'm terrified of what's happening over there as well blessed, so much that i can barely manage to find out the barest details. i want to not know and it still makes me hurt inside.

it is a time bomb and it's terrifying.

thanks for the blessings!

jmai: me too. why do you have to do that? there's no reason, make small talk for a minute, i'll leave, or i won't and god forbig you'll have to talk to me.

i always get into at least one new artist at hillside, last year was xavier rudd :)

bubbles decided to take down her blog and is fine but not hanging here anymore. we're hoping she comes back.

7/24/2006 03:37:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

*packs deck of cards, bag o stuff, good attitude*

K. I'm ready for you to pick me up.

7/24/2006 08:35:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dude, i work until 5:45 that day, i have to pick up your stuff and then we have to like meet at othercat's or something...

we have to figure it out in fact

7/24/2006 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

Some people are just jerks, no explanation. His loss.

I'm so glad to know you'll be getting away and having fun, wish I could join you.

7/25/2006 09:19:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kathi: and it is his loss, there will be much less friendliness from me and he can take his 'i had a dream about you' ass and lick it.

hillside is the best, if you ever have a weekend and you want to randomly run off to canada this is the one to do!

7/25/2006 11:37:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

course it's sold out so it requires advance planning...

7/25/2006 11:37:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

I love that Hubris packed his good attitude :)

I want to run off to Canada, but I am closer to the Vancouver side :(

7/26/2006 01:18:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hunee there's some great fests out west, why not find one and have a partay?


the good attitude is key, hillside gives you what you expect.

one more sleep...

7/26/2006 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

I was never part of the club and never cared to be in one. To this day even though I have a house full of ppl I love to be alone. Who needs friends when you are your own best friend. I can entertain myself for days on end. I have left all my old friends because of the BS. I graduated High Skool and left all the bullshit there, but it seems you never really get away from it.

7/26/2006 03:39:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

honkeie: well i do love being alone... i'm one of those people that thrives on socialising but needs to be alone just as much. split down the middle i am.

i have no friends from high school and no political friends really but the climbing gym is a pretty cliquey place... they all are...

ah well. grups suck as much as kids just in different ways.

7/27/2006 07:07:00 AM  
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