mid-life crisis

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i am not in the club.

i've had that fact brought home to me at length already and all but sometimes i have to get bitch smacked with it.

in other words? someone went to great extent to tell someone else right in front of me about all the fun activities up for this weekend and then when i walked over to use the phone he kept talking about their weekend plans and lowered his voice.

there was only one person within hearing distance.

and you know? that would be okay but why the fuck would the same guy make like he's all happy to see me when i show up?

uh what?

irony? i have to pick my parents up this weekend and bring them to the airport so i can't crash their little party anyway.

funnier still? i was talking to someone first when he came up, interrupted and proceeded to talk me out of the conversation... like seriously.

guess i understand why i never asked that guy out after all.

unfortunately i can't blame this one on pms or lack of food like i usually do, nope, i'm really just not in that particular club.

and you know? i try not to let crap like that get to me, i mean i was raised in the worst place to be weird in ontario and i came out of that okay but sometimes? watching that high school bullshit i can't help but feel a little wounding shaft pass through me.

and i want to not care. the same way i want to not care when a guy i'm into starts pointing out hot chicks to me and i realise that once again i am miraculously one of the boys. the same way i want to not care when i lose a client because i just know i failed to grab them somehow.

you know, the way the tougher people, the suits and the shiny folk downtown are. the ones who armour themselves in their glossiness and go out there and treat people like shit.

the ones who think they should save their turn signal bulbs because it's better than replacing them.

i am clearly overdue for a vacation, the crap is getting to me big time these days. i'm having trouble passing the homeless people and the news of another war in lebanon makes me want to gnash my teeth and weep.

i just can't figure out how to stay happy and positive right now. i mean yes i love my life and my friends and that it's summer in toronto but it just seems so futile with all this misery and war out there.

speaking of war, since when did CANADA take SIDES in arguments? our government has rejected our usual neutral stance in favour of shoving their noses up some militaristic asses and i'm fucking pissed right off. there needs to be countries like canada that get in the middle and mediate, without us no one ever stops fighting.

i'm seriously upset yo.

i didn't vote for this and neither did the rest of canada. we're the peacekeepers remember?

taking sides, good christ, our relations with some people won't be fixed for decades.

not to mention that that smarmy, growing fat, raccoon eyed hog in a suit is representing ME! god dammit.
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heartbreak is:
:(
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i know this won't make sense to the non sport addicts in the room but please, if someone could explain to me how there's a team that's actually allowed to wear yellow as a team jersey in the tour de france?

no seriously?

not to mention that the announcer keeps calling it the tour day france instead of the tour de france. kinda painful to hear in that southern accent of his.

dammit it's not fair that he's making fun of himself for that one, how am i supposed to diss his nonexistent frenchness if he's going to make fun of himself?
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i'm really glad that next friday at this time i will be dancing or sleeping or drumming or walking around or chatting with whomever or drinking whisky with othercat or hubris and otherwise just enjoying hillside.

i am overdue for some kind of vacation activity, in fact i don't think i've taken much more than two days off in a good six months or something. i am off from thursday at 4:45pm until monday at 5:30pm, i just don't see it getting any better than this.

oh wait, yes i do, in fact it's way better because it's several days off AT hillside as opposed to just a regular old weekend off.

it's my eighth year in a row this year and my third year in the same volunteer job (i did first aid for the first five years) and i'm totally excited. i get to hang out with the keeners and my job is to be calm, smile, know everything and tell people what to do.

i mean really? and for that i get free camping and free admission?

AND i get to be bossy?

day-umm. that's like heaven on earth.

i haven't read the program yet so on names alone i want to see:
kathleen edwards
sarah harmer
feist
whatever happens at ten pm on the island stage on friday night
roxanne potvin (damm didn't know she was going!)
the sadies
jory nash
whatever happens on the lake stage at 5pm on sunday (trust me)

then there's the workshops but that schedule is too much of a pain to read until i'm looking at it in print.

oh i'm stoked!

i'm also stunned that hillside is in less than a week. it seriously felt like it was months from now and that summer had barely gotten started and yet here it is. the weekend that marks the long slow decline of the season.

the one that really kicks into gear that if you want to go to the beach/cottage/camping or whatever you'd better do it. the one that gets me sitting on patios just because i can and because i know that it will end.

somehow before hillside summer is never ending and after it's finite.

hee, hillside is the midlife crisis of the summer!