fog

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oh man.

i went to class with rr this morning and whatever i did a couple of weeks ago to my spine has turned out to be one of those positive changes that suck ass while you're having them. okay first of all i know exactly what i did to my spine and i'm perfectly happy to explain it but when i start talking about my dura people tend to look at me sort of funny and then their eyes kind of glaze over.

so i tend not to do it.

the one paragraph, skip this if you don't want the technical details portion of the program, version goes like this: i was doing control-balance [DO NOT ATTEMPT: lie on floor with hands by hips, legs straight to ceiling, legs away from chest a bit, roll up through spine until legs are over head, pick a good height, slowly lower one leg to touch the floor (above forehead) and lift, switch legs. sass version has feet on the wall due to her problematic spine. DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT AN INSTRUCTOR!] and to get my feet to touch the floor i was trying to lower my breastbone. (if you sink your breastbone your spine sorta lengthens and as a result your pelvis changes a little relative to your belly and then your feet go closer to the floor... sorta) well my breastbone sank more than i expected so my spine sorta *stretched* without expecting it and so the next segment down was unprepared and the dura {casing around spine and brain} got overstretched. and dura stretches slooooooow.

so basically i overstretched the elasticey tissue that goes around and supports my spine. and it's pissed. and it's going to take a while to fix.

shit happens.

it's just that teaching and walking and sitting in my car and sleeping and taking classes are all a little harder than they were a couple of weeks ago. the thing that's interesting about this? i'm better at a bunch of stuff.

whatever let go in my back really let go and it's moving now. it's weak and cranky and not liking this new direction at all but it's moving. i'm not sure that it's ever moved before to be honest, at least not like this.

rr keeps pointing out that rollups and rollovers and all other complete flexion of the spine moves are looking much better. and they ARE! i can feel it myself even. not that it's easier so much as more connected. we really are putting my spine back together and it's fucking fantastic.

but god damm it my back has been sore for two weeks. in a whole new place. places i'm not used to and don't expect. so it keeps randomly hurting for no reason. ah well, hope she gets it this week when i see her on tuesday. hope it's gettable.

so, i take this class with her today and it's lovely. just lovely.

she walks me out after and we chat for a minute and i realise how much i like her. i mean not only do i respect her as a teacher and as a human being but i genuinely like her. i dig her personality and how she thinks and her beautiful blue eyes blow me away. she really does remind me of michelle pfeiffer only hotter and with more glow.

anyway i hop in my car and i have this nice easy drive where i just cruise with the windows open and practise my new found niceness to stupid drivers. i smile and wave at people. i take the long way.

i drive at seventy kilometres an hour most of the way there. it gets foggy and i'm singing along to an old old mixed tape. it's so old i'm not expecting the right next songs...

and it's foggier so i slow down to fifty (25-30mph). and then i look around and there's this world. this small and close world filled with water and shades of early spring like gray and taupe and beige and smoke.

old cattails and seagulls and birds coming home and no other cars on the road.

and i exhaled and i smiled and i slowed down some more and i filled my eyes with beauty. i almost missed the road i've taken for longer than i can remember. since before i learned how to drive. since i still slept in the back of a minivan while my parents listened to 'as it happens' on the radio.

since 'as it happens' was on on saturday afternoons. [cbc show that is on weeknights now]

hah it was too on at that time once.

i was almost sad to arrive at my destination i was enjoying the drive so much. it put me in this super mellow place that made it almost impossible to talk and i sort of wish that i'd had a camera and yet sort of glad that i didn't.

but because i was driving so slowly and because i was looking around a lot more than usual and because there were no cars on the road i noticed something. the drive is getting built up... there are more and more businesses. there is more and more money and there are an ever increasing number of more than two lane stretches or highway. the road is going to turn into a real highway one day and then this place will slowly get paved over.

i hadn't taken the long way in a while. it's got a much slower speed limit but much less traffic. i'd forgotten how nice it is though, all rolling with the pretty hills.

i'm just sad to see all the money creeping north of toronto.

i saw farms and wanted to buy them all just to keep them green. i see streams and marshes and giant puddles and mist and i want to fill my soul up with it because i don't really expect it to be there one day.

i know that all i can do is attempt to love and honour the earth in whatever form it is but it's so much nicer when it doesn't have pavement on it.

i didn't mean for this post to turn maudlin, i'm in fact in a pretty good mood. i ate way too much for dinner including apple crumble for dessert. okay i'll tell you but it was out of hand.

i had this weird 'tempura vegetables' thing that had never heard of tempura but was a decent fried vegetable appetizer anyway and then i had the 'mixed grill' which sounded SO good and then it had sauce. a ton of sauce. so much sauce that i felt vaguely ill. sauce up the yin yang. but it was lamb steaks or tiny little chops and then a beef skewer thingy and a venison sausage that i only ate half of (because that's a LOT of meat) and some mashed potatoes i didn't finish because they were drenched in sauce... and because i was full.

and then i had dessert. because i'm stupid.

and i'm still full. apple cobbler with ice cream of course, gets me every time.

it was out of hand. and now i'm drinking beer and blogging and chatting with othercat and life is good. i have a pile of clients this week, life is back to normal and i might have a new time to climb that works a lot better than my present wednesday attempts. my schedule is in a bit of flux because a semester just ended and i lost a class that had occupied an entire afternoon.

so i'm pretty happy that i lost the class although i will miss the ladies in it. now i can teach like three hours there instead and let that morning class i don't want also die... and not feel bad because i'm not the one that killed the class. if she wants it back i might do it, see how the summer goes in that time slot.

anyway it's been one of those weeks where the bad news tends to turn out to be good news.

sort of like life really. man this is a weird post.