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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Monday, July 24, 2006

ten months

so i just rented the first six episodes of weeds.

fuck me is that show ever good. i quite like mary louise parker although i hated her character on the west wing and it's nice to see her in a part she suits so much better. actually it wasn't that she didn't suit her character on the west wing it was that the character was stupid.

no really.

anyway this show is really good, i had tears in my eyes and i laughed out loud and it was all good.

just one little detail. uh you guys? if she's paying that much for weed then she literally cannot afford to sell it. also? who the fuck pays that kind of cash for weed??? it's not cocaine or heroin for christ sakes. and what they've never heard of volume driving the price down?


so then i go to look at the show website and showtime has some apology up that says 'we here at showtime express our apologies but our page is only for y'all in the usa cause ya know, the rest of the world isn't cool'

i mean for serious?

anyway the show is awesome except for that small moment of complete unreality but i'm a bit ticked at showtime. especially since they make several shows i like a lot.

okay, y'all are asking about my accident. i was waiting until i scanned in some photos from just before i started pilates so you guys could see the difference but i can do that some other time. three people have asked me in the last maybe ten days which implies that it's time.

this is actually a really long story and it starts somewhere around when i was in grade seven and came down with achilles tendonitis (achilles tendon, start at your heel, go up, feel that thich elastickey thing?) over the next ten years i layered on a pulled muscle in my sternum. mild tendonitis in my right shoulder (they called it tendonitis but i now know that they were not correct and that it was problems with pec major and minor, but whatev), a pile of knee problems they called condromalasia and wasn't [the doctor, after a year of physio and ONE x-ray says to me 'there's no sign of condromalasia on the x-ray, let's do exploratory surgery' and i left of course], some trouble with a hip, i can't remember which one but i think left, shin splints, uh.....

anyway you get the gist. lots of little niggles that got put back together with duct tape and bubble gum.

so then at seventeen i have a couple of car incidents that both involve pulling the muscles on the right side of my neck and thinking i'm fine after a few weeks of drugs that made my muscles melt like butter on a hot skillet.

please note the total lack of rehab except for on the knee and that was the wrong physio.

throw in piles of heavy metal concerts and then shortly thereafter i'm learning to jump a dirtbike. a dirtbike i jumped off of numerous times due to sucking at driving while doing tricks or at 90 on trails.

i'm supposed to be practising going 'up and over slow' to get the idea of how the bike will move and then i'll add gas a little at a time. so yeah, i over pop the gas and wham! into the air i go!

no idea how to land of course, we hadn't covered that yet.

and i land and my helmet cracks off the little metal rod that runs between the handlebars and my feet, right especially, slam into the footpegs.

do i land? fucking right.

does it hurt? d-uh.

so i think i broke my right ankle and drag my mom into taking me for an x-ray and they tell me that it isn't broken and send me on my way.

cut to twelve years and two more instances of whiplash later (note we're up to five or six depending if metallica concert incidents count or not... i say yes, my neck hurt for weeks) and my boyfriend and i are sitting at jane and bloor and chatting while we wait to turn right.

it's snowing and the roads are slick and i've left a car length between me and the car i'm waiting for. that car is waiting it's turn and tr and i are chatting it up and my head slams forward... and then i realise i got hit.

because we were chatting i barely had my foot on the brake so we bounced off the car in front of us. hard enough for him to look at me, look at his bumper and get in his car and leave. yeah are you getting this? i hardly got hit at all. [i drive a stick and that corner is flat, brakes weren't really required, looking behind me was...]

tr was mildly achy for a day or two and then he was fine and i went and got some drugs and went home early that day. and i shrugged it off.

i've had whiplash a zillion times, i'll be fine.

*laughs ass off*

what hubris.

about six weeks later the tip of my pinky finger on my right hand went numb. so i hit the doc after a couple of days (the emerg so i can get the x-ray fast *evil smile*) and he says that this kind of 'nerve damage' is 'normal' after whiplash incidents and to contact my family doctor.



i haven't felt the tip of my right pinky in three days and that's NORMAL? you're fucked in the head buddy!

so i find a family doctor and he prescribes me drugs and i try physio and it fails and at this point i bring in insurance and meet the hot doctor and try more physio and nothing. my physio keeps telling me i'm better but i'm just getting worse.

so i go back to the hot doctor (this is now late august and the accident was in january) and tell him i can't walk and that the physio hurts and i feel like i'm getting worse. so he checks me with emg and stuff [stuck needles into my muscles and listened to them with radio and also stuck me with sparks to see if my nerves responded] and finds out that my nervous system and all that are working.

so i don't have fibromyalgia hiding as an accident problem anyway.

and he looks at me and he shrugs and he says 'i don't know what to tell you, your options are pilates or pain management and the waiting list for pain management is nine or ten months so you may as well try pilates in the meantime.'

pilates, the thing uncle fester had been telling me about since BEFORE my accident. since after my accident. since whenever i complained about my back.

i, of course, knew better.

this is where the old cliche 'it's not the things that happen to you it's your reaction to them' starts to get really true.

so i call uncle fester and tell him this and manfully he doesn't laugh at me and he directs me to a choice of two studios but really steers me in one direction. and that was to rr who fit me in immediately because i dropped uncle fester's name.

you know the day i met her i weighed 60 pounds more than i do now
the day i got in my accident i weighed what i weigh now nearly to the pound
that day i had skiied all weekend the previous two days
that day i was probably going climbing since i went three times a week
that day i was in love with and planning to move in with tr
that day that i was delighted to go to my work that i loved
when i met rr she described my muscles as dead and i hated my job and tr and i were already shattering under the strain [a LOT of other stuff happened in there that has nothing to do with my accident] and i hadn't been climbing since the accident.

ten months. amazing.

four years later and i'm still fixing this shit. currently the neck and the ankle from when i was seventeen... the things that are preventing the new damage from all the way healing.

life really is a circle.


Blogger Hubris said...


FIRST & its been a while!

7/24/2006 08:52:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

we're watching weeds together sometime right?

I'd have more to say but I'm familiar w/ this one ;)


7/24/2006 08:54:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Wow...that's quite amazing. I wonder if my muscles would be considered dead. That is a scary thought. Pilates does sound like an amazing thing to do. I think what's stoppong me, apart from time, is the extra pounds. I don't feel like I will be able to move the way I should. Weird.

Thanks for sharing :)


7/24/2006 09:45:00 AM  
Blogger john said...

So... you're saying you got into pilates by accident? ;-)

Glad it's working out for you. Good luck in your future progress!

7/24/2006 09:45:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

hubris: ^5

hubris two: well i had to rent it and there's no way i can wait to watch the rest of it, but i'll watch it again happily...

do you feel that i left anything out?

*fails to pack any bras* (gotta love hippies)

nat: nope, you can walk. it took me thirty five minute to do a walk that now takes eight minutes. little old ladies used to pass me in the street. people would slow down, ask me what was wrong and then speed up and walk away.

nobody's body moves the way that they want it to when they start this stuff, that's why they start.

welcome :)

john: yes.


7/24/2006 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

LOL @ John

I think my issue with joining a gym or exercise class is that I would feel like I looked like an idiot.......all clumsy and blonde like

7/24/2006 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kj: and you want to teach that to your kids? go out there and fall on your face and laugh about it and they'll be better for it. for serious :)

besides, i fall off walls for fun, you think that doesn't look clumsy? you gotta start right :)

7/24/2006 02:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Princess Valium said...

I take all the credit for a) telling you that you HAVE to watch Weeds because if you ever went suburban, I can see you as MLP and b) letting you know it's out on DVD. Enjoy.

Yeah, I learned about Showtime's discriminatory policies years ago. I don't get it. Is it a bandwidth thing? Or are they just xenophobic? If I could access the site, I would complain.

BTW, I was home last night when you called but hadn't watched BB yet, and your # came up as 'No Data' on my phone. So yeah, didn't answer, then promptly forgot to check the message. Got it an hour ago. I agree, for what it's worth.

7/24/2006 08:13:00 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

Sass this scares me a lot; I have been the pasenger in SOOO many whiplash accidents that I seriously lost count not to mention the trip down the stairs I took, that one messed up my shoulder bad! I def feel like some of my muscles are "dead" and I have constant neck/back pain that I just ignore and has just become a part of how I feel body wise, I have a fairly HIGH tolerance for pain so this scares me. yoga/exercise and massages have never been able to get out the huge knots in my back. *heavy sigh*


I don't want to loose my ablity to walk


7/25/2006 01:20:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

PV: you can only take half the credit, my friend pa made me watch the pilot and i was interested before it was on. that said, you confirmed that it stayed wonderful AND knew the dvd's were out. you get at least 60% of the credit *g*

you're right, i'm her as a suburban mom.

i don't get why showtime does that, it's like the only website that i've ever seen that does that!

i think dr evil is going home, do you think mr chicken will get it?

hunee: if that paragraph is true this should scare you more than basically anything. email me your city and i'll see if i can find a teacher in your town that doesn't suck. if you live where i think you live i might be able to find a pile of them.

if that's how you feel hunee you need to start working on it now, the longer you wait? the worse it gets.

it fucking sucked. the good news is that you probably need something to make it happen, it's unlikely to just randomly go out. still and all, you should be worried, and i'm sad to be saying that.

shit is right.

7/25/2006 01:51:00 AM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

The body is a complicated machine. I'm gonna check into Pilates, cuz you're the first I've met who is actually doing it, and I trust your experiences enough to see the merit.

Strength and balance, strength in balance.


7/25/2006 02:09:00 AM  
Blogger Sweet Li'l Gal said...

(GRRRR... Blogger!!! I wrote a long, beautiful comment yesterday and as I published blogger was dead... so I'll try again...)

Um. Your post reminds me of why I like couches. It's hard to really hurt yourself falling from a soft, low-to-the-ground leathery thing. I've never broken bone, pulled muscle or torn tendon. Again, hard to do such things from the other side of the glass! ;)

About weeds, while I've never seen this, I do heart Mary Louise Parker (fuck you Claire Danes and you're man-stealing ways... while she was pregnant nonetheless!!!). Have you seen her in the Angels in America series yet? It's the best stage to screen shift I've seen... it retains the integrity of live theater, and the acting is incredible... 1980s NYC during the emerging AIDS crisis in the gay community. Worth a rent for sure. As for Showtime, do you watch Rescue Me? I'm absolutely hooked on that show. When you're done with Weeds, you should pick up season 1 and 2 of that puppy. Denis Leary is a fireman in a station just post 9/11. It's about how fucked up they are after seeing what they saw, but it's also funny and touching and quite dramatic. At first I thought it to be misogynistic and homophobic but then I realized that the characters displaying said traits are intentionally being portrayed as such narrow-minded fucks. I also enjoy seeing the sort of HBO style relationship drama thing from a male perspective. Veeeery interesting...

(okay, so not such a beautiful comment, but I'm telling you, before the blogger break yesterday, I was writing prose like you wouldn't believe... ;p)

7/25/2006 09:26:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

pyr: nice, pilates is like crack for your body, and if you don't feel invigorated and relaxed after class? your teacher sucks.

that's a nice line to live by sirrah.

gal: i know, it did it to me yesterday too and then finally posted things twice or three times. i was irked.

hey i like couches too, i just like dirt bikes and rock climbing and playing in the dirt MORE.

weeds is fucking fantastic. you'll be so into it i can't even tell you. and irony is that one of the most moral characters on the show is the weed dealer.

i've watched rescue me but it was really hard to watch so i stopped. i could see that it was a great show but i just couldn't bear it. showtime shows are really tough to watch up here...

(i've lost a couple of fucking awesome posts that way myself...)

7/25/2006 11:30:00 AM  
Blogger Madame X said...

You sure hurt yourself a lot but that's what happens when you live life at 100 MPH (how fast is that in Kilometers?)

It's the only way to live!

2 broken ribs
3 broken toes
Whip lash
tennis elbow
golfer's elbow...
all being worked on my my lovable chiropractor!

7/25/2006 01:24:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

hey, nat? you can do pilates with a few extra pounds.
i have more than a few, and i did pilates for the better part of seven years. good instructors do an amazing job of making pilates work for everyone, no matter what your size, shape, ability, or pain level.

sass, doncha hate it when you deal with doctors who don't take your pain seriously? and doncha hate those EMG tests?? bruuuuutal.

but the good thing is all this led you to where you are now.

life's funny that way.

7/25/2006 08:01:00 PM  
Blogger RobynB said...

I need teh Pilates!

7/25/2006 08:02:00 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

I've sooo got to try Pilates. You are an inspiration to all of us who have been broken.

7/25/2006 08:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...




7/26/2006 12:59:00 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

hehe Pile is funny, I like yoga :)

I haven't tried Pilated *yet* but yoga def gives me that peaceful, flowy flexible feeling afterward. Just wish it stayed longer...

7/26/2006 01:22:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

madame: absolutely, that's not even mentioning all the shit i don't even remember or the broken toe :)

i don't break shit, i bend and rip it.

160kph btw :)

terry: thanks for that, i wasn't sure nat believed me.

i do, especially when they prescribe you anti-depressants instead of hearing a word you say. actually i was in enough pain that the emg didn't even bug me.

life rocks that way.

robyn: you and everyone! :)

7/26/2006 01:42:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

sign: glad to hear that, i can't think of a better thing to be!

pile: bitch.

hunee: he wants me to do specific yoga to heal my spirit. i suspect he has the right of it.

it stays longer the more you do it and eventually it's always there just in varying degrees.

7/26/2006 01:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8/12/2006 06:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8/17/2006 10:02:00 PM  

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