as the god of my own universe...

.
it's three thirty nine in the morning and i'm staring at a blank screen. i feel like posting, my pedicure feels over and i don't really know what to say.

the only thing really occuring to me right now has to do with judgement and the right of it.
.

okay i wrote that the night i posted my nerd post. i suddenly realised that i had to finish the nerd post and go to bed instead of doing something new. was okay, the post was ready.

anyway, now i can't figure out what i meant quite exactly.

i'm pretty sure that i'm discussing the idea of sitting in judgement and i'm pretty sure i don't think that anyone really has the right to do that. i'm in fact convinced that the ability to see more than one side of things is greatly lacking in the average human.

it's like all those email forwards say, try to remember that that 'asshole' who cut you off in traffic is on his way home from visiting his stroked out mother in the hospital. that that bitch who budded in line is worried about her colicky baby and how she's going to pay the bill and how the cashier that's not paying attention is a medical student with a big exam and how...

we've all gotten these emails, okay i'm assuming but it's a fair assumption since they go around a lot and i've gotten them repeatedly.

and it seems to me that they're

[*sigh* and now it's october and i started this in april and somehow today it wants me to finish it. see how i left it all in the middle of a sentence to make my life easier? yeesh]

...more right than we care to admit. almost every time i've caught myself being judgemental, no let me rephrase. almost every time i've been busted for being judgemental by someone other than myself it's always been because i was firmly attaching my own prejudices to my opinion and i wasn't willing to look around the corner.

sometimes that's okay. like the guy i had two dates with who thinks i'm awesome but there's no physical spark [i agree fyi but i wanted to see him minus wine haze before i really decided] but still went through the rigamarole of starting to set up a third date and then didn't email me for four days (friday at 3 i emailed him back and tuesday morning he replied) and then sends me an email that starts with "hi cutie"

and ends with 'there's no physical spark but i think you're awesome and would love to hang out'

seriously don't call a girl cute and dump her in the same breath. it's okay you aren't into me dude it really is cause you're high on yourself and kinda fat (but say in your ad that you want a fit woman... tut tut... you have to be into fitness to ask for fitness... just saying) in spite of the interesting nature of your brain but it's not okay to waste my time starting to set up another date and then wait four days.

had he sent the IDENTICAL email on friday (or even saturday)? i would want to be friends.

but now i don't and i said so. apparently he was 'crazy busy' and 'offline all weekend' ... whatever. his cell phone broke too apparently.

so i'm judging him. i'm judging him an ass who isn't worth my time so i'll answer his last email with something like 'no i don't want to take you climbing and appear to be dating when i'm single but feel free to invite me to parties' and move on.

i see that i'm judging him and i don't care. i approve of my judgement. if he wanted to be friends well, don't waste my time is all. i don't want to be friends with any other inconsiderate people. i've done that enough.

but then there's the other times i get judgemental. like when i catch myself looking down at the guy that's working at the Bay. or when i make obnoxious remarks toward people who lack education. or the ranting i have been heard to do about other people's bad driving right before i change lanes without signalling.

or when i talk about a friend and their behaviour and how it's fucking me up and how they aren't doing the right thing. they aren't doing the right thing for ME. that doesn't have shit to do with whether or not they're doing the right thing for them.

i was particularly guilty of this with a couple of old roommates.

i held them to my nature instead of to realistic standards. like judging someone for being 'slutty' when you were a natural celibate is ridiculous. first of all slutty is the stupidest word ever except maybe for should.

or judging someone for eating too much when you have no comprehension of the emotional anguish they're in.

we all do it, make snap judgements all the time about people... and most of them are harmless and necessary. do i want to hang out with this person? do i want to shop at that store? do i like this restaurant? was that good value for money?

lovely stuff.

but then there's the slippery slope right?

where you think someone is crazy because they have faith in god, the universe, cosmic rays, l. ron hubbard (no that one really is nuts), diet soda, marijuana, buddha, the tao... i could keep going.

or you decide that people who eat meat are worthless. or that all vegetarians are stupid.

or that all jews must die. or that homosexuals are spawn of the devil and deserve no solace.

or that people actually have the right to tell other people who to marry... or who not to marry. hell that someone can kill you for your sexual preference...

wow. neat where a post i started in april ended up.