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Location: toronto, ontario, Canada

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

friend matrices

well i just had breakfast with a friend i've mentioned before. said friend dumped me flat a while back and didn't answer my calls or emails. recently we ran into each other in the street and have spent a few months organizing a breakfast together.

finally today we did it.

it's so weird, it's like no time has passed... the conversation flowed easily and the gossip was good. we talked about our lives and what we're doing and how things are going and what's exciting us and just reconnected.

how is it so easy?

aren't i supposed to be angry and hurt? aren't i all 'fuck you for dumping me?'

except no, i'm not... in fact i've been thinking and every one of my really close friends and i have had some sort of breakup and get back together moment. something that caused us to need to not be around each other for a goodly period of time before one of us made up with the other.

heck in one case we dated the same man and now neither of us knows him but we are friends again and better for the break. in all cases the break was necessary and freed us somehow to grow our friendships into real things.

things that can break and be reforged.

the kind of friends where we WILL say the hurtful things that we're afraid to say because we know now that we will always come back to each other. in some inexplicable way it gets deeper.

probably a lot like a couple who have their first fight and then work through it. there's this sense of knowing that you're willing to be angry and then learn to move on.

that's a big thing in a new relationship. that moment of realising that you can be angry with each other. in fact, i don't take a new relationship seriously UNTIL we've had at least one fight... and there are more than a few times that i didn't take the warning from said fight and lived to regret it.

no, i'm not telling you who.

the older i get the more i realise that the true friends are the ones who are willing to say the things that hurt you. not because they WANT to hurt you but because they know you need to hear it. they're also the ones who will give everything to you to help you fix whatever it is if they can.

you need both those qualities or it isn't fair.

can't be telling me all the ways that i suck if you aren't willing to help me fix them...

in other news i went out as trinity on saturday night and i'm just waiting for someone to email me pics... but i know that there ARE pics and i will post them as they arrive.

be advised, i'm freakily like her.

in fact? i sort of freaked myself out.

and it was a lovely party although i didn't follow through with certain intentions... probably wise in the long run, it wasn't the time.

it was certainly a hoot watching people realise i'm female though... all 6'4" of me in heels and pvc *grin*

why is it that when SINGLE people feel me up it's not nearly as offensive as when married men do it 'discreetly'?


i got a new source of referrals today, if i can just get about five more hours a week i'll be making enough consistently to get a larger apartment and teach out of it. lord i can't wait!

for anyone still worried about me after my september funk? i have been healed by the arrival of actual fall and my favourite holiday.

just fyi.


go out, play, and be someone you aren't!


Blogger DZER said...

good for you with the breakfast and renewed friendship and all ... and I bet you knocked them out with the pvc trinity, you tall drink of molson ;)

oh ... and was that an invitation to feel you up if we're single? *cracks knuckles* ... lol

10/31/2006 06:18:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

dzer if you will recall my hallowe'en post of last year you may remember that i did some SERIOUS whining about married men groping me when no one was looking and making me feel dirty.

this was entirely different. it was a sensual room with people in knew and people who aren't married and aren't hiding that they're feeling up my outfit. so i just felt them up back... it was lovely.

but see they're SINGLE it's not gross.

i don't think i knocked one person out unfortunately

10/31/2006 07:25:00 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

The type of friendship you just described is so special........you're right..a true friend will say what needs to be said even if it hurts.

11/01/2006 06:33:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

I think you make great points. I am one of those people. I understand that relationships go through tides... changes...peaks and valleys. Whatever you want to call them And the good friends will take it in stride and ride the wave. But not everyone is capable of that. Some people hold grudges. Some people can't forgive. Some are not willing to talk about what's wrong. Some are not interested in fighting for the relationship. I am one to believe you can't force things. So anyone that isn't as close to me now, I think it will either be or not be but I can't force it to happen. Friendshipis organic...it doesn't conform to what we want it to do. I am glad you two reconnected :)


11/01/2006 03:49:00 PM  
Blogger lividviv said...

glad you are having a great time! me, too. Laid low for Hallowe'en, but got a new apt. Phew! for Dec. 1. It's great, you are going to love visiting! Can't wait. YIPPEE.

11/01/2006 08:55:00 PM  
Blogger debambam said...

Sounds like things have worked themselves out between you and your friend, glad to hear it! I too have friendships that seem to rise and fall with the moon sometimes, but ultimately, like family, they are the ones that DO say the hurtful things because it's what is best for you....and because they know, and you know that no matter what, if you called at 4 in the morning in trouble, they'd be the first there to help you out. We are lucky to find those friends..
Cheers, Kelly

11/02/2006 02:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi sass i love halloween in fact this year was my favorite because of the diamond engagement ring i recieved. I miss you guys!! I would love to try to get together for a session. Tell everyone i said hello!!


11/02/2006 04:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ps i bet you were extra hot as trinity!!!!!

11/02/2006 04:14:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kj: i know it's really true and so hard to take no matter how necessary it is...

nat: it's taken me years to learn this sort of thing, and i'm still not very good at it... but universally i have an excellent response if i tell people the unhappy truth but do it nicely.

the friend i had brunch with has stuck himself in my outer circle with his inability to tell me what he's thinking but i'll bring him back in if he ever learns...

yeah... friendship is organic. well put.

lividviv: i did have a great time on hallowe'en in fact.

and i'm SO happy to hear you got a new place, that other place was sounding sketchy.

yay for new places and visiting and stuff!

11/02/2006 05:06:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

deb: i guess, we're unlikely to ever be as close as we were since my friend disappears when he's upset with me. guess i deserve it since i used to act like that when i was younger...

your friends are the people who will tell you the truth when it hurts... but they'll hug you while they do it. and yeah, the four in the morning friends are rare but to be treasured for sure!

tasha: you got engaged??????????????????

oh man that's awesome babe!

yeah let's make plans to hook up and blow smoke at each other... we haven't had a good gossip in ages.

dude? 100 pictures at least in under two hours in the village.

11/02/2006 05:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i need a phone number my email is tasha_audet@hotmail.com

11/02/2006 09:30:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

1) where are the pics?

2) dingdong the funk is gone, yay!

and 3) friendships. yeah, I've been thinking about those lately. And when is the right time (if ever) to make the break that may or may not result in a renewed bond later. And how to make it. And then I stop thinking about it cause it depresses me. But it makes me happy to hear stories like yours.

11/02/2006 10:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I try not to fight my friends, as then I have to kill them and go through that whole court thing, again. No thanks.

11/03/2006 08:30:00 AM  
Blogger Madame X said...

Hi Sass!
Glad you're out of the September funk.
As I was reading this post about breaking up with friends and then getting back together an old friend I've haven't heard from in months called!
You in PVC I need pics right away!

And I really don't know how to be someone I'm not cuz I'm every woman it's all in me...

11/03/2006 09:11:00 AM  
Blogger Jim McKee said...

That is so cool, that you are cool with single people feeling you up (and actually returning the favor). Makes me glad I'm single!!! (Oops, did I type that out loud?)


11/03/2006 11:28:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

tasha: my phone number is the same babe

jmai: 1. still waiting :(
2. i know!
3. it's time when it's time. when you can't bear to have them around and everything they say makes you want to scream... or something like that.

well my friend dumped me without a word and may never make it back to the inner circle because the trust is broken... but i dumped someone once to her face and we made friends again... better now.

cas: again? geeze dude, stop killing your friends!

11/03/2006 06:25:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

madame: i am too!

it's funny how the universe times it's cycles so that a lot of people go through similar things together...

i need pics too!!!!!!!!!!!

of course you are, you're an actor!

jim: i'm a hell of a lot cooler with the singletons than the marrieds that's for sure!

11/03/2006 06:28:00 PM  
Blogger RobynB said...

Good friends are priceless. I'm glad you found your friend again.

11/04/2006 12:40:00 AM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

All of you in PVC really livens up my imagination :)

Nice to see you got the funk out!

I decided to move the funk out!


11/04/2006 02:19:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

robyn: you're right and i am too... now to see if he's worth it...

pyr: heh, and it should. in some ways the imagination is better than the reality...

i did i did.... took a bit and i'm still feeling quiet but better too.

you moved?

11/04/2006 02:13:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Vella said...

Heya sweety - I saw your comments on my blog. Sorry it took so long to get back, things have been CRAZY.


Hope all's well with ya, and hope to talk soon!

11/05/2006 11:30:00 AM  

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