friend matrices

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well i just had breakfast with a friend i've mentioned before. said friend dumped me flat a while back and didn't answer my calls or emails. recently we ran into each other in the street and have spent a few months organizing a breakfast together.

finally today we did it.

it's so weird, it's like no time has passed... the conversation flowed easily and the gossip was good. we talked about our lives and what we're doing and how things are going and what's exciting us and just reconnected.

how is it so easy?

aren't i supposed to be angry and hurt? aren't i all 'fuck you for dumping me?'

except no, i'm not... in fact i've been thinking and every one of my really close friends and i have had some sort of breakup and get back together moment. something that caused us to need to not be around each other for a goodly period of time before one of us made up with the other.

heck in one case we dated the same man and now neither of us knows him but we are friends again and better for the break. in all cases the break was necessary and freed us somehow to grow our friendships into real things.

things that can break and be reforged.

the kind of friends where we WILL say the hurtful things that we're afraid to say because we know now that we will always come back to each other. in some inexplicable way it gets deeper.

probably a lot like a couple who have their first fight and then work through it. there's this sense of knowing that you're willing to be angry and then learn to move on.

that's a big thing in a new relationship. that moment of realising that you can be angry with each other. in fact, i don't take a new relationship seriously UNTIL we've had at least one fight... and there are more than a few times that i didn't take the warning from said fight and lived to regret it.

no, i'm not telling you who.

the older i get the more i realise that the true friends are the ones who are willing to say the things that hurt you. not because they WANT to hurt you but because they know you need to hear it. they're also the ones who will give everything to you to help you fix whatever it is if they can.

you need both those qualities or it isn't fair.

can't be telling me all the ways that i suck if you aren't willing to help me fix them...
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in other news i went out as trinity on saturday night and i'm just waiting for someone to email me pics... but i know that there ARE pics and i will post them as they arrive.

be advised, i'm freakily like her.

in fact? i sort of freaked myself out.

and it was a lovely party although i didn't follow through with certain intentions... probably wise in the long run, it wasn't the time.

it was certainly a hoot watching people realise i'm female though... all 6'4" of me in heels and pvc *grin*

why is it that when SINGLE people feel me up it's not nearly as offensive as when married men do it 'discreetly'?

:)
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i got a new source of referrals today, if i can just get about five more hours a week i'll be making enough consistently to get a larger apartment and teach out of it. lord i can't wait!
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for anyone still worried about me after my september funk? i have been healed by the arrival of actual fall and my favourite holiday.

just fyi.
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HAPPY HALLOWE'EN!

go out, play, and be someone you aren't!